Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

What’s your evidence that he won’t scream for the milk downstairs too?

Good grief, the judgement in parts of this thread. And even some of the constructive advice is delivered in a snarky tone. What do people get out of this?

I think he is starving. Can he not speak enough to tell you? Maybe not. At 3 my son would say 'getting up and getting porrdige'. He was so hungry as soon as he woke up. We would all just go straight downstairs (toilet first if needed) and get our drinks / his porridge. He can wait a bit longer now and play etc. Then we would either take turns to get ready or all go back up.

Op children don't wake up one day as 10 year old who can make a sandwich etc

They need to learn
3 is prime " I do it" time
Even if they struggle, take 10 times longer it's really important to let them
You are crushing your child's independence by keeping them in a cot.
They LOVE learning new things, pouring their own milkon the floor it's what they need.
I would contact my HV for advice and get a goodbook about child development.

I never said there was any - but why wouldn't you at least try?

I mean, either you ignore it, because that’s the best thing to do with a tantrum, or accept that, although he’s overreacting, he’s awake with lots of energy and just wants a bit of action by going downstairs, which is normal - kids have to be curious and want to do things and help to develop - having a cuddle in bed is dull in comparison. He can have a pee on the way.

You do need to sort something out with the stairs though - even if it’s teaching him to go up and down on all 4s till his legs grow, because it isn’t good for his mobility and independence if he can’t get himself up and down the stairs by himself at nearly 3.

Why do you need to get dressed? We stay in pjs and dressing gown until we decide to go out. Cleaning teeth gets done after breakfast. Lo, sure, when we wake, but is it really that hard to get your toddler toileted, assuming no SEN?

Generally I agree, but in this case it sounds like he has lots of energy when he wakes up and wants some activity by going downstairs, which is fair enough.

She can try and she says she will. So what’s the issue?

Couldn’t agree more. This thread is like a Mumsnet parody.

That for a week, she's left her child to scream instead of just picking him up and taking him downstairs after the first time it happened?

Seems like such an obvious thing to try.

I guess it was fun in primary school. Then, massive pressure to perform. I was skipped up a year which was social death (not that I was socially adept anyway), moved to a high pressure private school, and regularly told how I was wasting my potential because I was "lazy and disorganised". And even now there's an implication that I've failed everyone and let my family down by becoming a spectacularly average adult with a faltering career.

I agree. I think it's rewarding bad behaviour by rushing to get him milk.

Put him in the cot, say no milk till you're quiet. Get he milk then wait till he's quiet then praise and bring the milk.

The concerning thing here is that he doesn’t know anything else.

I work with children this age, and I would raise this as a concern.

DS walked at 9 months and was climbing the curtains and jumping off the windowsills by 10 months. By 2 he was getting up at 5.30am and asking to go downstairs and could we put in a video for him so we got rid of the stair gate and taught him how to operate the tv and video and told him to let us know he was going down stairs. So 5.30am every morning he would come into our bedroom, tell me he was going down stairs and off he would go.

I would leave milk in a sippy cup on the bottom shelf of the fridge each evening and he would entertain himself for an hour before the rest of us got up.

I think he enjoyed going downstairs and doing his own thing.

Ds has ADHD and although I knew what he was saying no one else could not even his df.

It's great that you're such a perfect parent but often you don't see the "obvious" things whilst you are deep in the throws of dealing with the joys of toddler wrangling.

She hasn’t left him, he or his dad is with him while the other fetches the milk. She also says he is saying he just wants his milk, not that he wants to go anywhere.

Do you want some sort of certificate for ‘bright ideas’? What’s the point of being nasty?

It really isn’t a mumsnet classic.

It’s ’concerning’ he doesn’t ’know anything else’?

Christ, stop being dramatic.

It could be excitement and anticipation of getting the drink, he doesn't know what to do with the feeling so he screams to release it all. As previous posters have suggested, breaking the cycle is most likely the best solution, straight down the stairs with the drinks maker, to start, and go from there.

Toddlers are well known for being fickle and changeable, so just because he didn't do this 2 weeks ago means nothing!

Jeez, it's not "nasty" to think it's odd that they haven't thought to try anything different in the last week

There is a difference between a "classic MN thread" (ie exactly what you'd expect with vipers, misreading and wilful ignoring of stuff mixed in with solid helpful advice) and a MN Classic (a memorable thread)

That sounds like this boy is an 18month old toddler not a child twice that age

I don’t think it is bad behaviour. I think he is communicating that he has moved on from hanging about in bed waiting and chatting. He wants the milk so take him downstairs.

Why do you need to be dressed and teeth brushed before you enter the kitchen

Who said anything about being a perfect parent?

This isn't a one-off, OP says this has gone on every day for a week - I just find it strange that in that time, neither of them have thought about trying something different, that's all.

I don't see what your large house has to do with the situation really 🤔

Child wakes, have a wee, walk them downstairs to get drink/breakfast.