Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Omg please help!

763 replies

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:33

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Uneventfully · 02/02/2025 11:59

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 11:27

Well the whole thread has been quite mad lol 😂

We have covered everything from teeth brushing, dressing for breakfast, whether my child can walk a stairs, my feckless parenting and now even someone is mentioning books 😂

So it’s turned into a real classic MN thread and has made me laugh thankyou. And I am reading the advice 🙏

Really that's your response to this thread?

Honestly start taking some of this advice seriously. It may benefit your DC.

Some PPs are exasperated as it's your approach that seems pretty mad.

Didimum · 02/02/2025 12:01

Beebeedoo · 02/02/2025 11:38

and the stairs? he will work out a way to get up and down, he will never learn if you keep babying him

He can climb up and down stairs. Read the thread.

ERthree · 02/02/2025 12:02

I will go against the general consensus here, he is nearly 3 and therefore is old enough to be told really firmly that the screaming stops. When he screams cuddle him and tell him to stop, if he wont put him back in the cot and tell him you will come back and get him when he stops screaming. If you give into his screaming now then he will know how to get his own way. Sometimes children need to know that their parent is not happy with their behaviour, you can't always use a smiley sing song voice sometimes the hard voice needs to be used and this is one of those times.

TorroFerney · 02/02/2025 12:03

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

I have honestly never brushed my teeth before breakfast in my own house, you are treating your house like a hotel where one must be quite rightly, slightly presentable before arriving in the breakfast room. You are inventing issues and barriers where there are none. Toddler is a big boy now, we go downstairs for breakfast.

NewDogOwner · 02/02/2025 12:03

How big is your house?

MrsSunshine2b · 02/02/2025 12:05

xRobin · 02/02/2025 11:57

17? 😂 was that a typo or do you really mean 17? That’s so specific 😂

Show quote history

I think it was 17 and 5 months. The school got a psychologist because they thought I was "gifted" so he did all kinds of tests and I had a very fun afternoon, and that was the stat that stuck with me. Somehow missed the raging ADHD, but I think the diagnostic criteria were different then. I'd have been called "twice exceptional" nowadays.

My DD is thankfully not exceptional from what we can tell, just a normal, bright, happy kid. She also learned to read at school and is doing very well, a couple of book bands above expectations.

Wonderi · 02/02/2025 12:05

NoTouch · 02/02/2025 11:56

If he is anything like ds when he was a toddler they are up and raring to go from the minute they wake.

He doesn't want to lounge about in bed chatting and discussing how his sleep was he wants food and he wants to be stimulated, downstairs helping get his breakfast ready and starting his day with a bang.

I think the lazy mornings and drinks in bed era has come to an end! Don't worry, you'll get them back when they hit their teens and it takes a crowbar to get them out of bed at all! 😉

Show quote history

I agree with this.

When they are babies you can get away with lounging in bed in the mornings.

Toddlers do not allow you that luxury.

You say you have high expectations but they’re unreasonable.

Your expectations need to be age specific.

A toddler is not going to watch to laze about in bed and talk about the day ahead.

Get him downstairs asap, don’t get changed.
Give him his breakfast and then turn on some cartoons whilst you have yours.
You and DH can them get yourselves ready and take in turns getting DS ready.

For the future you can get a floor bed and have some toys in his room.
When he wakes up he may play with his toys for a bit, so you and DH can have a lie in.

When you have kids your lives need to adapt to them, more than them adapting to yours.

Imisscoffee2021 · 02/02/2025 12:05

My husband and I take it in turns getting dressed in the morning after sitting for a bit with coffee together and giving our 18 month old his breakfast, no meed to ferry him between rooms if you give yourselves a bit of time each to get dressed?

Zone2NorthLondon · 02/02/2025 12:06

put a bottle of milk and a banana in reach, tell him it’s breakfast and he’s a big boy he can start when wake up.
Or Get him involved he go downstairs and collect his yoghurt or croissant or banana and take it upstairs
we use these sho bottles for our kids

we briefly had that with our 2yo and gave them their job - when you wake up go get a Snack. They felt grown up and busy and it distracted from the screaming

Omg please help!
Hoppingabout · 02/02/2025 12:06

ERthree · 02/02/2025 12:02

I will go against the general consensus here, he is nearly 3 and therefore is old enough to be told really firmly that the screaming stops. When he screams cuddle him and tell him to stop, if he wont put him back in the cot and tell him you will come back and get him when he stops screaming. If you give into his screaming now then he will know how to get his own way. Sometimes children need to know that their parent is not happy with their behaviour, you can't always use a smiley sing song voice sometimes the hard voice needs to be used and this is one of those times.

He's nearly three. No need to cuddle him while telling him to stop. Mixed signals. Just use the special voice and say please stop this straight away. Unless he's in pain it's bad manners and needs nipping in the bud firmly. For his own sake. There's nothing wrong with using a firm or stern voice with a child selectively.

And I'm not sure you're going against the general consensus on this thread!

Joker01 · 02/02/2025 12:07

This thread is really bizarre. OP I live in a very old wonky cottage with perceived general hazards. My smallest has been in his own bed since before three and can navigate the stairs just fine because he is used to them. Stick him in his dressing gown and go downstairs as soon as he wakes (well, after the toilet if you don’t have one down there). He shouldn’t be cleaning his teeth then having milk straight away anyway.

Your son is letting you know he no longer likes your routine so adjust it a little. Let him have some freedom and make some choices, he is three. If he can’t handle the stairs himself then he has to go down with one of you. He can help make drinks and have his straight away. Worry about everything else once he is settled.

SunshineOnASnowyDay · 02/02/2025 12:08

xRobin · 02/02/2025 11:57

17? 😂 was that a typo or do you really mean 17? That’s so specific 😂

Show quote history

I always thought the peak adult reading age was 16? As in a 17 year old or a 32 year old should be able to read the same as a ‘normal’ 16 year old?

Didimum · 02/02/2025 12:09

Goingncforthisone · 02/02/2025 11:55

This thread is baffling.

You have very high expectations of your mornings if you're expecting to both lay around in bed till 8.30am drinking hot cups of drinks, with children as young as yours.

Take the 3 year old downstairs in your PJs and yes, of course you'll have to supervise him up and down the stairs if he struggles with them!

You said you're being accused of babying your child and that you actually have high expectations of him. It sounds like your expectations are just wildly out generally.

Edited

Nowhere does OP say she expects to or does lounge in bed with drinks til 8:30.

xRobin · 02/02/2025 12:10

MrsSunshine2b · 02/02/2025 12:05

I think it was 17 and 5 months. The school got a psychologist because they thought I was "gifted" so he did all kinds of tests and I had a very fun afternoon, and that was the stat that stuck with me. Somehow missed the raging ADHD, but I think the diagnostic criteria were different then. I'd have been called "twice exceptional" nowadays.

My DD is thankfully not exceptional from what we can tell, just a normal, bright, happy kid. She also learned to read at school and is doing very well, a couple of book bands above expectations.

Show quote history

Raging ADHD 😂 oh my god that’s amazing!
Did you find it fun and interesting or did you feel under pressure to perform?
I’m so intrigued! x

KhakiOrca · 02/02/2025 12:13

He needs more food.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 02/02/2025 12:14

@Toddlerhelpplease123

I'm sorry if you've already answered these questions, but what time is he waking up? Could he be cold? Is he dry overnight? Is he still in pull ups overnight? Is it wet in the morning?

I remember things like this with my own DCs and not being able to see the wood from the tees at times. But that old mantra applies: this too shall pass. And in the blink of an eye, you are trying to prise them out of their pit at midday.

Goingncforthisone · 02/02/2025 12:15

Didimum · 02/02/2025 12:09

Nowhere does OP say she expects to or does lounge in bed with drinks til 8:30.

Show quote history

Yeah that's fair enough my bad. Thought I saw that somewhere, maybe another poster said that time. But my point is it's very hard to lie in bed with both parents drinking hot drinks with that aged child. They need to adapt to the child and adjust their own expectations.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 12:16

I find it bizarre that instead of just bringing him downstairs and getting him a cup of milk, you've both thought it acceptable to just let him scream every morning.

WellsAndThistles · 02/02/2025 12:16

Poor mite, trapped in a cot at his age!

Get him in a bed and he can potter round his room while you're doing the weird morning routine. Might help with his toilet training too....

PenelopeSkye · 02/02/2025 12:17

My DS was a bit like this with wanting breakfast the second he opened his eyes, and being beside himself that it wasn’t happening quickly enough. Properly shouting at us to get downstairs NOW! I kind of just had to ride it out, I would tell him not to speak to me like that, that I knew he was hungry and and that I was going as fast as I could (literally just had to have a wee, wash hands, pull a dressing gown on, but if feels forever with someone shouting at you!). He just gradually learnt to be more patient, but it took a while! He just genuinely is starving when he wakes up, he is still pretty grumpy if he doesn’t eat soon after waking up!

Suzuki76 · 02/02/2025 12:20

Wonderi · 02/02/2025 12:05

I agree with this.

When they are babies you can get away with lounging in bed in the mornings.

Toddlers do not allow you that luxury.

You say you have high expectations but they’re unreasonable.

Your expectations need to be age specific.

A toddler is not going to watch to laze about in bed and talk about the day ahead.

Get him downstairs asap, don’t get changed.
Give him his breakfast and then turn on some cartoons whilst you have yours.
You and DH can them get yourselves ready and take in turns getting DS ready.

For the future you can get a floor bed and have some toys in his room.
When he wakes up he may play with his toys for a bit, so you and DH can have a lie in.

When you have kids your lives need to adapt to them, more than them adapting to yours.

Show quote history

Agreed. And - caveat, yes they are all different blah blah blah - he is a boy. All my friends with boys (sample of 6) say they want to be up and doing something the moment they wake up. DS is 6 now and we take him downstairs, put something on TV (he likes Match of the Day!) and he gets out some breakfast and some colouring or Lego. Then we go back to bed!

T4phage · 02/02/2025 12:20

Three is too old for a cot. He's probably frustrated and wants to get out of bed. Mine were in beds from around 16 months old because they were big chaps and needed space to move around.

Joker01 · 02/02/2025 12:20

So naturally i disagree with everyone who thinks that's weird!

@SomeOtherUser It’s not that all piling into bed with drinks is weird, we do this. It’s the fact that he’s started screaming because he doesn’t like the routine any more and instead of just taking him down and sorting things straight away they’re letting him scream whilst still trying to enforce their wants on him. He’s expressed that he no longer likes this routine, so they need to forget the getting dressed and teeth etc and just take him downstairs. It sucks that their routine has to change but that’s life with small children. It’ll change again and lazy mornings in bed will resume at some point but right now he needs a change. He can have a banana or drink and then go back up, or even have his milk like warm/cold or a banana in bed, but it’s the attitude towards this change that the OP has that is baffling.

Didimum · 02/02/2025 12:25

T4phage · 02/02/2025 12:20

Three is too old for a cot. He's probably frustrated and wants to get out of bed. Mine were in beds from around 16 months old because they were big chaps and needed space to move around.

Up til 3 is beneficial to sleep in a cot, barring safety.

Her son isn’t doing the screaming in his cot, it’s when he’s up.

user2848502016 · 02/02/2025 12:26

I'm going to reply as if I haven't read a lot of the replies because the thread sounds like it's even a bit derailed!

He sounds quite old to be in a cot and to be having milk first thing (hopefully not in a bottle?!).
It sounds like possibly you're still in your baby/toddler routine and need to move into more of a "small kid" routine instead.

Get up and take him downstairs and give him breakfast and milk in a cup as a drink with his breakfast. It might be that he's "hangry" when he gets up.
It's normal for a 3 year old to have tantrums but screaming for milk every morning is unacceptable behaviour and you need to do something about it.

Yes when mine were that age we did get up and give them breakfast before having a shower, you could take turns who does breakfast and who gets the first shower.

Also not being able to get up/down stairs independently at 3 is silly, of course he can unless there are mobility issues. My DD was under 2.5 when we got rid of our stairgates because she could open them herself anyway, she was completely safe on the stairs.