Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Why is it better to brush before breakfast? My dentist told me you should avoid eating for 30 mins after brushing so surely it's better to eat first?

I think your son might be ready to move around and start the day. Take him downstairs, a change of scenery may well stop the tantrums.
Also, as others have said, he might need be involved in housework etc, try not delivering the drink to him but involve him in the preparation of it.
He could get the spoon for your drinks, open the fridge etc

Exactly this. How big can their house be if neighbours can hear!

This shouldn't degenerate into a 'my kids were fully potty trained by 18 months', but... I've five kids, boys and girls. They were ALL (even the SEN one) dry day and night by 2.5. Most of them by 2. They had a potty in their room if they needed a wee in the night, or they would come and get one of us if they needed a poo (usually, but let's gloss over that for now...). I understand kids with SEN taking longer to train but, really? Has it become common now for children to still be in nappies day and night at school start? My kids are adults now, but I remember all of us parents starting potty training at around age 2, because they weren't ALLOWED to start PLAYGROUP in those days unless they were out of nappies.

Maybe I'm behind the times but I don't believe children have changed so hugely developmentally in twenty odd years. And mine were all in beds by 2 (although to be honest this was mostly because the cot was needed for the next baby).

Why do you believe kids shouldn't be able to read before going to school?

Basic letters and numbers by 2/3 is perfectly possible and so is reading well by 4. The sooner they start the faster they learn.

By 5 years old I was reading books aimed at 2 or 3 years older, I had to go to the library in the junior rather than infant school.

My mum taught me.

everyone has their own milestones.. bear in mind my son was later diagnosed with severe Dyspraxia, Autism and ADHD, but he wasn't potty trained by start of school (nearly but not quite there), but could already read a little and use a book appropriately because i read to him at minimum twice a day. He could climb stairs but not dress/undress himself.

@fourplusfour I think the issue is many people (including myself) rarely wait 30 minutes before brushing teeth after breakfast, as usually in a rush to get to school, work etc, so actually more harm done then, so better to brush before

What a bizarre carry on , just all get up and go downstairs for drinks / breakfast and then come back up to get showered / washed and clean teeth . All this fuss for a cup of tea/ coffee in bed is ridiculous , if you don’t have a downstairs toilet have a quick wee first .

I do think a child can adapt to what's in front of them. If they have to do stairs they will. If they have to go downstairs for milk they will. Just let them do things for themselves as much as possible.

When I was under 3 my mum had to lie flat in bed for months as she was pregnant with my brother and nearly lost him. Apparently I could make squash and bring up a tray for her with biscuits on that my dad had got ready before he went to work. Seems odd now. Apparently though they felt me getting busy with a kettle and making a cup of tea for her was a step too far...😆😆😆

trying to suggest to OP all the ways she can change to help the situation and they’ve mostly been ignored.

Im not ignoring anyone. I can’t try anything again until tomorrow morning so unfortunately I can’t provide confirmation of immediate results.

@Livelaughlurgy looks like Bookstart is still around. This is some more research about reading with little ones. Can make depressing reading

www.booktrust.org.uk/what-we-do/impact-and-research/Research/childrens-reading-habits-in-the-early-years/

Fucking marvellous for you. Did you get a medal when you won parent of the year?

Not every child is the same you know, and a nearly three year old boy being totally dry - or actually dry at all - is not the end of the world you’re making it out to be.

I personally wouldn't start taking him down. It sounds like you have a nice morning setup where you all wake up together in the morning with your drinks upstairs, nice and cosy. It's a gentle way of starting the day, and I'm all for that!

3 year olds do need watching over when climbing up and down stairs. It will be difficult for the person carrying the drinks to do that if your little one is now tagging along.

I would hold out and keep reminding him about patience and manners and why it's difficult for mummy/daddy to take him. It will pass. Otherwise he might think screaming his head off gets him what he wants!

Night training is not a learned skill, it’s a developmental one and linked to hormone development, usually occurring between the ages of 3-5.

I have twins, one was out of night nappies at 2, the other at 4. Your individual child has zero to do with what’s developmentally normal.

And it’s beneficial for children to sleep in a cot til age 3:

www.mirror.co.uk/news/health/important-reason-toddlers-should-sleep-13645778?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#google_vignette

2-3 is “ripe tantrum age” when needs aren’t being met.
Children of that age “tantrum” when they’re frustrated because they can’t yet communicate their needs effectively.
OP seems bewildered that her ALMOST 3yo is screaming at the top of his lungs but has tried absolutely nothing to change the behaviour.
She said the 3yo screams UNTIL his milk is given to him.
She found it strange the idea of going downstairs before being dressed/teeth brushed etc.
Have you read the entire thread?
Like I said, until you’ve worked day in, day out with “new to school” 4 year-olds, you won’t see the differences between children who have been taught to be independent and children who have been treated as babies.

I think being completely dry at 3 is early for boys. Good on you for getting that sorted. My youngest son wet the bed for years!!

Brushing teeth before breakfast protects enamel from the acids and bacteria from eating. I know this, but won’t lord over it as I brush my teeth afterwards regardless!

Sorry I think you’re over complicating things a bit. Everyone gets up and goes downstairs together, have a drink and some breakfast together. Then either you or DH get DS really either upstairs or downstairs then the other parent takes over while the other one gets ready? Is this not pretty standard? At that age I’ve always lay the kids clothes for the day out the night before downstairs in the living room, then they can potter about after breakfast playing and then I just shove their clothes on eventually. No ferrying them up and downstairs required. Also at 3 can he not be left for 10 minutes on his own watching tv having some milk on the couch while you jump in the shower?

Yes.Take the clothes doen with you, go to the loo downstairs.

I don't mean to sound harsh op but you are treating him like a baby not a near pre school age child. He is nearly 3 he doesn't need milk first thing he needs food. He shouldn't be getting left on his own either upstairs. He wants to go downstairs with you so take him and give him breakfast. At that age milk is only just for drinking not a source of nutrition so kids need breakfast

I have a big house and have 3 kids. It's fairly normal for kids to come down stairs get breakfast in there pjs then go back to get dressed, teeth brushed etc. It means there pjs get food on them not there clothes.

Why does his milk need to be delivered to him in bed? He's not a baby.

Tell him cheerfully, it's time to get up now to make tea, you're going to help aren't you? Then take him down and get him involved in the process a bit so you are teaching him for when he gets his own. You could sing a silly song or something, to make it seem more fun?

If he screams then tell him he won't get his milk as only babies need to drink their milk in bed. And that it's naughty to scream and shout, and rude to the neighbours.

i know you've said you'd try it, so this isn't a pile on of same suggestion OP, more an explanation.

If its potentially the anticipation/waiting he can't cope with and is causing the screaming, taking him down and involving him in the process of getting the drinks might help provide an engaging distraction.

alternatively, part of me would suggest the minute he starts screaming you put him back in his cot and tell him no milk until he stops... but others might disagree.

Take him down with you, thats clearly why he is screaming?
why is he still in a cot at 3?
he doesnt need milk brought to him he is not a baby!

I couldn’t eat breakfast or drink coffee with minty toothpaste taste in my mouth 🤢, so we all have breakfast then wait 30 mins

Toilet yes, teeth brushing no.

But he goes with the parent who's going downstairs!

Why is this complicated?