Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

If a kid is in a cot until 3, are the bars up all around? Or is it essentially a toddler bed with no raised bars? How on earth are they getting to the loo independently? This makes no sense to me. I get that beds, mattresses are expensive, but this seem developmentally unsound.

Same here, but of course this is Mumsnet where people are piling on the OP about a 2-3yr old not being ‘school ready’. My twins were in a cot til 3, one still has milk now at 6. They could also write their names, count to 20 and were potty trained by 2.5 🙄

Well then, that's a good reason to get a bed - nothing to do with age. Mine never tried to climb out so every family is different.

Just tell him if he can’t wait nicely for his milk he’ll have to go back to bed till he’s calmer. He’s 3! Show him what is expected so he can get on with his day. It isn’t at all kind to behave as you are.

Well I know exactly what I'd do. This business of having to stay upstairs while whoever goes downstairs to get the milk - I would ditch that straight up. I'd pick him up and take him down with me the second he starts screeching, I'd get him to help getting out the milk etc and maybe pouring a tiny bit from one cup to another. I'd involve and distract him. I would no way sit upstairs with him screaming, telling him to stop. I'm so sorry you've been through that with him. At this age distraction and engagement is usually a great way to break the scream mid-holler.

It’s shown to be beneficial for children to sleep in cots til 3. They don’t necessarily need to use the toilet independently as the majority won’t be night trained.

DS moved out of a cot the day he somehow managed to climb out of it in his sleeping bag and fell on the floor with a loud thump (I was downstairs when I heard the thud and came upstairs to see a stunned DS sitting by his cot not quite realising what had happened)

Blimmin isn't

oh and yes of course I'd say if you keep screaming, then noooo milk no way.

What about the OP and her child makes you think she shouldn’t have children?

Yeah, there's a lot of he's 3, why isn't he popping to the shops and making breakfast on the stove for everyone, mine were doing that by 18 months. Stop treating him like a 3-year-old him or he will turn into a courgette and will never drive himself to school by the time he starts year 1. Oh the humanity.

But an almost 3 year old should definitely be able to navigate stairs. Going down backwards and on all fours both directions if not otherwise.

Thank you,

yes to clarify the stairs. He can go up and down climbing, but he has to be supervised.

So if he doesn’t go down when drinks person does - which he hasn’t been wanting to do (the screaming starts 30 seconds to a minute later), then he has to wait.

But we are going to have to try to proactively take him down and see if that fixes things. Hopefully it does.

Okay, her almost 3 year old screams for milk and can’t go down or climb up the stairs, which is quite ridiculous and clearly detrimental to the child’s development.
When you’ve worked in Reception, the “babyed” children stick out like a sore thumb against the rest.
Everyone on this thread has been trying to suggest to OP all the ways she can change to help the situation and they’ve mostly been ignored.

So bring him downstairs and give him some bloody milk!
So much drama for nothing

That was always my fear. At least when mine fell out they weren't in a sleeping bag.

Go and get the drinks before you get him out of the cot?

Or just take him downstairs once you're awake?

This whole "going downstairs to make morning drinks" seems a strange set-up?

Lazy drinks in bed just isn't a thing you can easily do when you have an active toddler.

Also, almost-3 is too old to be in a cot really. Both of mine were well established in toddler beds by that age.

That is just so bizarre. Of course they are not night trained as they have no opportunity to learn. Not a boast, just description, DS was 100% out of nappies day and night before 2, DD before 18 months. There were a few accidents initially, but you could count them on one hand. You are holding back their development by trapping them in a cot.

@Didimum not believe - I missed the not. It's said only 44% of parents believed their children should know how to use a book (in Astrix they said turning pages and not tapping/swiping)

@crumblingschools I'm actually shocked by that stat. I understand poverty and neglect but it's so high a number. Do all parents not have access to free hours in a Montessori or childcare? And libraries?

To be able to.understand that a book is read and pages turn? Yes.

I still don't get why the OP wouldn't just get everyone downstairs for drinks and breakfast. If someone wants a lie in then take it in turns.

What'll happen when the poor child is at school? Will they still be sat around in bed drinking lattes as the school bell goes?

When they get big enough to climb out of a cot you take the side off if you don't want to buy a toddler bed.

I'm another who associates 3 years old with getting themselves of bed (not cot), via toilet (if wanted), down stairs (long, steep), then playing quietly with toys or putting the TV on to kids channel. All by themselves. Either there's already an adult down there, who got up at dawn with the baby; else they stop by parents bedroom to collect one for company and breakfast making 😆

I appreciate that kids vary widely, but it does like yours is quite babied. He may just be massively frustrated, has no idea why he feels the way he does, much less how to express it, and would thrive if encouraged to be more independent.

A 3 year old's strongest attachment is to his people. He loves his parents more than he knows whether he is hungry or thirsty. It's also a big age for separation anxiety. His vocabulary hasn't caught up with his desires yet, which is frustrating for him. But if he is shouting "milk!" there's a big chance what he means is more like "I want to go with you to get my milk!" not "hurry up and go and get my milk and bring it back to me!". You disappearing to get the milk is probably not what he's asking for. Take him with you. Yes in your pyjamas, yes you have to hold his hand down the stairs, but take him. Keep it cheery. "Woohoo, great idea, let's go and get your milk!"

And 2-3 is ripe tantrum age – he’s having a tantrum over a drink, that’s it and it’s developmentally normal.

He can climb up and down the stairs but needs to be supervised because he is 2 percentile height – he literally says that so read the thread. My DD was 4 percentile height and also needed help navigating stairs at that age because if they can’t reach the handrail then it’s unsafe.

Stop scaremongering.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I’m baffled. Why can’t you all just go downstairs together? He’s probably hungry/thirsty? No matter how “big” your house is, it can’t be too much of an effort to all go down and then come upstairs again? Even in a mansion. Baffled.

Our child was in cot bed (with sides removed so like a mini bed rather than a cot) til 4.5years - as were many of his friends. I don't think that's a problem at all (and is helpful in small bedrooms) - but the sides do need to be removed so the child can go to the toilet independently at night. Maybe OPs child isn't quite at that stage yet 🤷‍♀️

THIS!