Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Knowing why children tantrum does not stop all their tantrums – if it did people wouldn’t find toddler tantrums challenging, would they?

OP has tried to ease the behaviour – she has offered alternative drinks. Just because she hasn’t tried every trick in the book before posting you label her ‘bewildered’? Strange and OTT labelling there. She finds it strange because her child isn’t acting like they want to go downstairs and is just communicating their want of the milk. The child may well carry on screaming even if they went downstairs – YOU have no idea if they will or won’t.

As I said, stop scaremongering about a 2-3 my old having a tantrum and get another hobby.

Why are you treating him like a baby?

He's developed and is changing, but the way you are around him is stuck in baby mode.

Your average 3 yo should be able to use a variety of climbing apparatus, most of which is more complex and difficult to navigate than a set of stairs. If your 3 yo still needs supervised on your stairs then you might need to have a word with your HV.

I'm hardly throwing out child genius achievements. If a child is in a position where it is 100% impossible to learn to be dry they are not going to be dry. If the child has a fighting chance of learning, they can learn. Each to his own, but a pre-school age child in a cot in a nappy unable to do stairs is surprising to me if their is no learning delay/ additional need etc. But we live and learn.

Offering her son water or a “special sip” of squash is not trying to ease the behaviour.
Again, if you read the entire thread, she was absolutely bewildered by the screaming. She said it has been ongoing for over a week, the title of her post is literally “omg please help!”. Is that me being OTT and strange? No.
Screaming at the top of his lungs every single morning for a minimum of 7 days and all she’s thought to do is offer water or a sip of squash?
Quite hypocritical of you to call me strange and OTT for labelling for you to then label me a scaremonger and tell me to get a new hobby 😂 goodness me.

Well this is why Im here.

Its two entirely opposite directions.

Clearly everyone thinks the current set up in unusual so I am going to try the former first.

But my first instinct to sudden irrational toddler tantrums was consolation then when that didnt work moved to questioning maybe no milk until downstairs/breakfast is the answer.

But that felt harsh so hence being here.

It is interesting I am being accused of babying. Because I do think we have quite high expectations of his behaviour.

he isnt 3, he is still 2

It's a balance isn't it. Not too strict so they behave perfectly but are timid and fearful to do wrong. But strict enough so they end up with a healthy respect for you and learn how to get on in the world without being a twat.

@WinterBones He is almost 3 though. Most 2.5/3 yo are merrily climbing up anything. Even the most reluctant climber should be able to go up and down stairs without supervision at that age.

Err... Yes?? Especially at weekends.

But yes basically, we all get up, have morning wees, go downstairs for breakfast, then we're all milling about, splitting getting ready and helping DS get ready etc.

Do you actually all stay upstairs until you're all up, had a drink, had showers and got dressed?? All 3 of you ? That's baffling to me, to be honest. Unless I'm missing something in your post which is quite possible!

He's not irrationally screaming. He wants his milk.

This has to be one of the most bizarre self inflicted scenarios I've read on here.

You have referred to his height being on the shorter side of average

I am presuming that because he looks probably much younger than he is, you are treating him as you would a much younger child.

You need to look around at what 3 year olds or almost 3 year olds should be capable of doing (like getting themselves up and down the stairs) and having a basic conversation and start treating him as a 3 year old.

I think it’s hard to tell, unless you spend a lot of time with others with children of the same age, where you sit on the ‘babying’ spectrum!
I have 3 children, and the only one who I was still supervising up and down stairs/getting out of a cot in the morning etc is my youngest, who is autistic. My elder 2 would have got themselves up and gone to the toilet before coming to find us in the morning (we’d often be downstairs before they woke up, so they’d come and find us downstairs) and they’d also be playing between downstairs and their bedrooms so going up and down stairs regularly on their own. They’d wait until breakfast was made before having anything to eat/drink etc and would be dressing themselves (with some direction re suitable attire!).
My youngest is a different story 😁

Well the whole thread has been quite mad lol 😂

We have covered everything from teeth brushing, dressing for breakfast, whether my child can walk a stairs, my feckless parenting and now even someone is mentioning books 😂

So it’s turned into a real classic MN thread and has made me laugh thankyou. And I am reading the advice 🙏

Almost and actually into being 3 can have vast differences developmentally, at that age they come on in almost overnight leaps and bounds. Even 2-3 months can signal vast differences in capability.

You're doing your best OP! And that's all anyone can ask.
Easier second time round. At least you will know what doesn't work!

oh and 3 year olds can easily walk up and down the stairs !! you are treating him like a 6 month old!!

Get your kid a bed!

And move somewhere with stairs he can use

Toddlers are a whirlwind to figure out OP!
One thing I’ll add on to help you, console an upset child absolutely but don’t console a tantrum. I’d advise to distract a tantrum.
If you’d prefer to stay in the bedroom, you could start a game of hide and seek or something similar to give your son something else to focus on x

Get him in a bed and put a stair gate on room.
Id imagine he’s very frustrated.

It's not a mumsnet classic

I think you maybe have rigid expectations of his behaviour though. It’s a balance between having a routine and rules and letting your child become independent and express how they are feeling. Your child is not a machine. Getting up and going downstairs together with. 3 year old is a pretty normal thing to be doing. It’s different to screaming for an icecream. Best wishes.

How large are the stairs? Just walk in front of him. Why can't you take him downstairs and give him a drink and breakfast whilst dad gets dressed and brushes his teeth? And then switch? Why do the three of you have to do everything together? I have a 1 1/2 year old and I give her breakfast and a cup of water in the morning and later on a cup of milk. If things are taking so long in the morning then just shower the night before.

It takes a couple of minutes max to go to the toilet and brush your teeth.

When he starts crying, take it in turns to get up and give him to the other parent whilst you go toilet and brush your teeth and then take him downstairs and get his drink and breakfast and have it in the kitchen/front room.
You can be in your dressing gown for this.

The other parent can get up more slowly and come down when they’re ready for their breakfast and then alternate.

You need to get into the routine of going downstairs for breakfast etc once he needs to get ready for school so you might as well start now.

The majority of parents don’t do what you do because it’s just unnecessary and it’s extra work.

everyone does the morning routine that works for you, unfortunately, where toddlers are concerned, you sometimes have to pivot unexpectedly around their needs/demands (within reason)

you're not doing anything wrong, and i don't think you're babying him at all.. i think people are being ridiculous quite frankly. he's not even 3, and not doing anything developmentally inappropriate.

Asking for advice on how to handle the screaming is perfectly reasonable.