Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Well this morning I was starting to think is this a meltdown because it is just so extreme and so out of nowhere.

But clearly we have other things to try and what we are doing is unusual.

Although surely even if it is unusual he doesn’t know anything else so it is a bit concerning this sudden extreme reaction.

Hopefully it is nothing.

One parent goes straight down to get the drinks ( if you feel it’s essential to have them in bed together )

other parent gets child up and does bathroom visit straight away

Then all meet up in the bedroom?

I'm wondering if he's waking up very hungry. Maybe he's hit a growth spurt and needs a bit more food the evening before. I could be totally off the mark but it might be worth a try.

How are you disciplining him when he does this?

This thread is either a wind up or some people just should not have children.

I just thought this while reading that.
Ignored every single comment saying “this isn’t normal, try this, this or this…” and just latched on to one person agreeing with her.

Her 3 year old should be starting school this September or next September at the latest. If they don’t stop babying the 3yo, they’ll be the same parents shocked and upset at Parents Evening when the teacher is saying their child is in intervention groups and won’t be hitting their ELG because they’re underdeveloped.

Question about that report- do 56% of parents really believe kids should be able to use a book before going to school or are they trying to jazz the numbers up for the report? Do these people walk among us?

Yes! For years that's what we did. I mean I would have to nip to the loo before going downstairs for pelvic floor reasons, and DC would come with me into the bathroom, but if it was DH's turn he'd just grab a dressing gown and head straight down. Whoever was downstairs would make tea, get the toddlers breakfast, keep them entertained whilst the other got ready. We also dressed the kids in the living room until they were about 5 and brought toothbrushes downstairs until about the same age.

Surely the parent who is up should take him downstairs & immediately get him involved in the task of getting his milk & breakfast ready.

Go get your cup out of the cupboard. Now get a spoon for your porridge etc

Give him a job & keep him busy

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

In a word, YES! I don't know anyone who gets dressed and brushes their teeth before breakfast!

People need to stop being so batshit about this kid sleep in a cot. It’s shown to be beneficial to sleep in a cot til 3yrs old, so as there’s no safety issues. As for the potty - most children aren’t night trained by 3 anyway.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/health/important-reason-toddlers-should-sleep-13645778.amp

OP, I would withhold milk (but not water) until he stops screaming. Try a clear ‘WHEN you stop shouting, THEN you can have your milk’, then ignore him, repeating when/then as necessary.

Going downstairs might distract him, but he may well just carry on screaming down there too.

At first I thought your morning routine was a bit like ours. Husband changes nappy while I for and get toddler milk and a cup of tea which we drink in bed. A nice relaxed start to the day, then we go down in pj’s and have breakfast before coming back to brush teeth and get dressed.

Turns out yours is totally different and I’m baffled by doing teeth and getting dressed first thing, before having breakfast.

But each to their own, whatever works for you. But given the screaming I’d agree it probably is worth trying something else.

does he actually tell you what he’s screaming about?

"Any time from 6am is fine for starting the day imo."

No, it's not.

What do you mean by ‘use a book’? Read it or open one and turn its pages? If the latter, absolutely yes.

Another vote for taking him downstairs first thing. Sometimes you just have to change something. Toddlers are not rational at all. Him screaming for milk makes no sense, but it’s become a routine so change the routine. It’s not necessarily about doing one thing or another, just about doing something different to hopefully make him do something different.

I do not think your setup is bizarre- DH and I drink coffee and tea in bed, why wouldn’t your DC drink milk.

The screaming sounds like a terrible twos / seeing how far he can push it kind of thing, exacerbated by a baby in the house (if I got that right). My kids have an age gap of 2y and when DC2 started solids DC1, who had been eating independently with utensils since 11mo and had been baby led weaned before, suddenly demanded to be spoon fed for a few weeks. I think his logic was “baby sister opens mouth and spoon is inserted, nice noises made, mother’s attention given. i want those things so I will open my mouth and look helpless”.

But an almost 3 year old should definitely be able to navigate stairs. Going down backwards and on all fours both directions if not otherwise.

We will be up and downstairs for hours in the morning!

I'll get up and go downstairs with the kids about 6.30am, playing and watching TV, having milk and breakfast, and at about 8am onwards we start to get organised to go out.

Urm yes of course

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

I don't have much to add apart from ignore those saying 3 is too old for morning milk. My 5 year old has a mug of milk first thing - milk is good for kids!

Also he was in his cot bed till about age 3.3. He liked it and it kept him safe and contained so why change unless you need to (I had to eventually as was too heavy lifting in and out as I was pregnant and had back issues....fwiw was a nightmare for a while once he knew he could get out of bed)!

Her ‘3yr old’ is 2, almost 3, so they will be starting school next September. That’s over a year and half away so chill your boots.

At age 3 mine were getting out of their beds (not cots) and coming in our room to wake us. We'd then go down for drinks/breakfast. In fact at three, I think they'd sometimes go down with their older siblings and could easily navigate the stairs. They'd go and put the tv on!

If your child has developmental issues then maybe things are different but this all seems rather bizarre to me, he's not a baby.

You basically have bizarre rules you've created that you now need to change to accommodate your growing child

You have to keep adapting as your child grows and his needs change. He’s now letting you know that his needs have changed. Let him practice going up and down stairs, and then let him come down with you when one of you goes down first thing. Then play it by ear whether you’re both going back up to the parent still in bed with drinks for a cuddle and a chat, or if he’s too full of energy and needs to be somewhere more interesting instead, one of you has drinks & breakfast downstairs with the toddler and the other one sorts themselves out.

You can’t both expect a relaxing morning in bed every day when you have a toddler. It sounds like you’re expecting life to be how it was when he was a baby forever and it’s time to accept that isn’t the case.

A three year old can easily climb out of a cot. Mine started climbing out at 2. It was when there was a massive thump from upstairs when they slipped off the side that the benefits of a bed became apparent....

@Livelaughlurgy sadly there are children in this country who don’t have access to books. DC now late teens, there was a scheme when they were little where they got free books at certain ages (bookstart?).

Another reason funding for 2 year olds was introduced to enable children in certain areas to have access to childcare so their development needs would be met.

There are young children who don’t understand books and that is not because they are being read to via a kindle