Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

This is the second thread in a couple of days where kids are being treated as much younger than they actually are….there is a report out about starting school (and another thread running)that is highlighting that there is a generation of kids who are not meeting developmental milestones https://kindredsquared.org.uk/school-readiness-survey/

I think this is one of those times when you realise that children evolve and adapt and what worked on day one , doesn't suddenly work on day two.

He's not a toddler anymore so the slow morning cuddles will have to stop.

One parent needs to take him downstairs and help him have his breakfast. He should be involved in helping do it, get the bowl out the cupboard etc

Maybe so, I'm just not sure that 'go downstairs for breakfast' is such a mind-blowing concept that it wouldn't occur to someone a lot sooner.

Look OP we all get it. We've all been there, wanting/needing/begging for 20 min more peace and quiet lounging in bed before starting the day wrestling with toddlers. But those days are gone. You aren't snuggling with a first feed of the day milk blissed out baby any more, you have acquired yourself a toddler. Toddlers are irrational energy filled bundles of frustrating madness and joy. Just embrace the new normal. Take it in turns, it's less awful if it's not every day...

I think one of you just needs to get up with him, go downstairs with him and start the day without coming back to bed with the drinks. 3 year olds usually just wake up wanting to start the day, not sit about in bed drinking. We used to take it in turns to get up and go downstairs while the other one might have a lie in if it was early. It’s probably very frustrating for him having to deal with the entire routine of the drinks coming upstairs.
He shouldn’t be in a cot. It can be dangerous - my child would have been climbing out of it way before that age.

She isnt responding to his needs but putting her own need to lounge in bed first.
Anyone would put 2 and 2 together and realise a 3 year old is moving towards independence and wants to be involved.

Stupidity is carrying on with the same thing and tellng a developing child to stop their development because Mummy needs a lie in

Keeping him in your bed, asking him about his sleep, saying hi there....this is all very babyish.
He wants to be up and moving!
You need to take turns with your partner to have a lie in.

parents aren’t there to wait hand on foot on a 3 year old, there’s lots of other solutions where you can help your child develop patience and delayed gratification. The world doesn’t revolve around children. I have to sleep enough so when my children started to want to get up at stupid o’ clock I did sleep training so they learnt to sleep til a decent time suitable for the whole family.

God, this.

Why would you pander to him screaming like a little emperor?? What good do you reckon is going to come from that??

I would say "that's too loud. You can either wait here quietly for your milk, or you can go downstairs and have it while daddy makes mummy's tea". And then either he is quiet and waits with you or he gets taken downstairs instead.

Your morning routine is similar to ours - our kids are now a few years older and run off to do their own thing until breakfast is served, but when they were younger, we all piled into our bed where they had their vitamins and milk and we had our hot drinks. So naturally i disagree with everyone who thinks that's weird!

In terms of the screaming, I suspect that if you give it minimal attention it will soon pass. One thing I didn't get from your posts is: does the adult who's still upstairs take your son out if his cot and play with him, or bring him into your bed, or whatever? If not I'd definitely do that as I can imagine he'd be annoyed being left in his cot.

Sounds like your mornings have become really stressful OP. The good news is that when they're young they usually adapt to a new routine well in a few days as long as you're consistent.

FWIW, in our house at that age the routine was get child up and dressed then go downstairs for breakfast (he knows he always gets dressed before going downstairs, that's always been the way). No drink for him or anyone else before that. (Milk upstairs before breakfast stopped at 15mths for us when I stopped breastfeeding. From then on it was a drink of milk or water with breakfast in a sippy cup which progressed to a normal cup).

Well that was shocking to read!
Are parents raising their children genuinely believing it isn’t their responsibility to teach their children ANYTHING before school?

@Zippidyza - I understand that but the suggestions so far to bring the child downstairs or let him manoeuvre his way down the stairs himself (to help with independence) didn't seem to be hitting the OP in the right way so I just made a different suggestion as she has asked if people go downstairs without having used the toilet/washed first? So my suggestion was to do all of that for the adults before the son wakes up and then attend to him.

That's all.

The stairs thing needs sorting. Physical development is really important early on..the ones ahead of the game are the ones that seem to end up enjoying sport and are more physically confident and adventurous. You don't want your child to be timid as they miss out on fun things and dont have the confidence to step out of their comfort zone which might give them a sense of achievement. I don't mean how early they walk etc as I think that's up to them. But I encouraged my boys to climb and jump off things as early as possible. If you are there with them you can stop them doing anything mental. It also teaches them how to judge risk.

So I would pretend that stair climbing is army training (or Olympic training or whatever) and get him going up and down in bare feet, clambering if necessary. And go to playgrounds and those horrendous soft play climbing things if you don't already OP. I expect you do. Soon he will be a stair pro!

@Toddlerhelpplease123 that sounds like a really sweet way to start the day but I think he's reached the stage where he's bored and is demanding what he wants in the way he has learnt gets results (even if he was getting the milk anyway, it appears the screaming for it has worked). I think what has always been a cosy family routine has to change and you need to let that phase go.
He definitely needs to be told that the screaming isn't ok but going to help get the drinks really is the easiest way to address this. I assume you also have a few toys and books in your room for him to play with? When he gets his new bed I also assume you'll have toys in his room and maybe a stair gate on the door to keep him safe so play might distract him from wanting milk there and then. Please do get him completely used to going up and downstairs though. This is so important for his independence and safety.

3 year olds don’t talk about what they’re going to do. They do it.

What he wants might be one parent not to disappear. Toddlers are weird and have very little logic (I remember mine crying because I broke his biscuit in two to make it more manageable - one half in each hand. He's 25 now and perfectly able to cope with a broken biscuit 😂)

If his legs are too little for the stairs, he goes down on his bum and up on all fours with a parent behind - at least that's what mine did.

Pretty much anything is better than the screaming! Start with the easiest possible solution and work through them. He will then move onto something else to try you.

Good luck!

I agree it’s strange he is still in a cot at 3? He must be cramped in it surely, or do you mean a toddler bed??? I also have tea and DS also 3 has a milk in bed in the mornings! I think it’s ok to carry on having your tea in bed; but you get up earlier yourself / DH and get the drinks before he wakes up so it’s there waiting. If he carries on I would be trying: waking him up earlier, no milk in bed if he screams. Really anything to change the routine. Can he communicate? My DS would be able to tell me why he is upset and understand (somewhat!) good and bad behaviour. What is the actual reason he is crying? Seems quite odd

I'd suggest it's time for a new morning routine.

Hang out in bed together till you're ready for breakfast then go down together, he can have milk with breakfast.

Nah - if it works it's great. But it doesn't work but OP seems reluctant to switch it up.

Ds was in a small double from age 3.He never fell out as it was wide enough for him to move around.Get rid of the cot and take him downstairs.

Hi OP
I think you may have hit on an important factor here. He thinks his screaming results in the milk arriving ...just by the mechanics of the thing . Obviously this will reinforce a one off behaviour into a pattern he thinks is working.
I honestly haven't read all the arguments about the stairs/drinks but you have to break the cycle by introducing change into your routine. Just change that sequence

Tell your DS that he is a big boy now and he can go and help Daddy make the drinks.
Let him help, including carrying a thermos with with warm milk secure back up the stairs.

My toddler is nearly 3 and we have a baby. When the baby wakes myself or my dh go and get his bottle and a cup of milk for our toddler. This routine only started when the baby was born, before we would just get up and go down for breakfast.

My toddler now doesn’t want milk first thing, she doesn’t mind a cup of milk with breakfast.
I think either you take the toddler down with you and let him carry his own drink or you get up earlier and get the drinks and then open his door and get him up.

It really sounds like a temper tantrum but things aren’t working so try switch it up with either no milk, everyone goes downstairs or you guys get up earlier so the milk is there for wake up.