Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

This thread cannot be for real.

As many posters have said, take him downstairs. Why is it such an inconvenience to you to do that? Unless this is a flex for you to brag about your “large” house. He’s a 3 year old, of course he’s going to have tantrums about things!!

Try to Talk to him in the day and say right tomorrow no crying when we wake up . Explain what will happen x

What a pain! We had a similar routine of drinks in bed before properly getting up so I totally get what you mean, OP.

Does is scream regardless of who gets the drinks?

I think the solution is to stop bringing his milk back up when he screams, but be prepared for a full on tantrum the first few times…

Op surely you need to encourage him to develop his motor skills and balance and navigate the stairs by this age!

I don't think you are doing him any favours by curtailing his development and independence. Navigating the stairs with you will give him a focus and sense of working towards the goal he has - getting the milk, which will relieve his frustration and stop the screaming.

Given that this is a) self evident normal human behaviour that no one would genuinely struggle to understand and b) nearly everyone on the thread has advised the OP to do this and been ignored, I figure this thread is an attempt to recreate the ancient wonder of the supersoaker thread of ye olde days of Mumsnet.

For anyone who doesn't know, that was a thread in which a faux-naive OP kept innocently insisting with wide-eyed sincerity that she should bring a super soaker to a party against express instruction and couldn't seem to understand all the posters patiently explaining how to function like a human being. This OP has the same vibes!

The first child is always the trickiest as we aren't born with a child-rearing manual in our head! The good thing is you are looking for solutions. One of the hardest things is getting your head round the fact that your life is not your own for a few years and a lot of the things you like or want to do (like have a quiet moment making a cup of tea first thing or going back to bed). you can't any more as your child's needs come first. Sometimes very annoyingly! 🤣. But it is a finite time. Just encourage independence and set boundaries re behaviour and life becomes quickly much easier for both you and your child in my opinion. And if life is easier then you are happier and then your child is happier and you can have fun together.

My 20yr old still prefers milk to anything else, he has never really been a juice guy lol even when younger him and his friends would go to the shop and his friends would all come out with little bottles of cola and sweets. Then there would be one sitting there guzzling his wee pint of milk 🤣

Yes he's three. But this kind of screaming is an issue. He's not wailing or whining, he's full on screaming in a way that's worrying to OP. And that's not behaviour that you can ignore, or he'll bring it out again next time he doesn't get what he wants quickly enough.

So yes, the screaming needs addressing as well as the routine needing rethinking.

Op -

1/ buy your child a toddler bed - they are 3, they shouldn’t be in a cot now.

2/ bring them downstairs for breakfast on waking & they can have a drink with that. It is perfectly normal to go downstairs before getting dressed, did you & your husband not do this when you were younger? After breakfast go upstairs get dressed & brush your teeth.

3/ help your child learn to walk up & down stairs- they start school when they are 4 - so depending when that is either this year or next, they absolutely need to be doing this regardless of what growth percentile they’re on. Plus if not already- toilet train them.

Yes it is nice to wake up & lounge in bed with a tea or whatever but you can only do that with babies & teenagers, not toddlers. You need to get up & go downstairs or take it turns & one of you gets to lie in while one of you sorts breakfast.

I don't think people are imagining your DS alone upstairs, drinking squash in his cot. The majority seem to be suggesting that parent A gets up and collects DS, goes downstairs with him to get his milk and hot drinks then back upstairs to have drinks together with Parent B and DS in bed. But you seem to find that a bizarre suggestion.
Out of interest, what are you and DS doing whilst waiting for the drinks to be made downstairs?

@Toddlerhelpplease123 Of course it’s going to take longer. Take him downstairs, let him pour his cup of milk and let him help make breakfast.
He absolutely should be able to do both of those things at this stage.

He’ll be busy with a task, not just waiting!

He's 3 though he's not a baby. Yes he can wait for a drink. If he was mine I would ask him to stop screaming and if he continues I would pop him back in the cot for a minute and repeat that we are not having this screaming first thing..hopefully he would stop. I would stay firm. Does he do this screaming at other times ? There does seem to be a confusing situation here though unless he is just turned 3, I would be hoping for some more independence in a 3 year old so no cot, navigating stairs etc.

If you bring the child downstairs then realistically you don’t then go back in bed, they’ll start doing something downstairs, you will start tidying the kitchen etc.
If one adult stays in bed with the toddler, the other one can quickly nip downstairs to get drinks and come back.

(written from the comfort of my bed, coffee in hand and DD lying next to me 😁)

errr.... yes....

Lots of others have suggested that you simply bring him downstairs with you before you have your morning drinks so that he can see what you're doing.

I have a different solution to suggest to you.

You and your DH get up earlier to have your showers/go to the loo/brush teeth/whatever - before your son wakes up. Then you attend to him. Bring him downstairs in his PJ's if needs be but you're dressed and ready for the day.

Ok I don't want to be that person but for comparison, I have a three year old, she always wants to come down to the kitchen with me when she wants something and that includes the middle of the night, yes she still wakes. He's not a baby he's actually getting close to not being a toddler either so I'm not surprised he's pushing boundaries and wants to explore more himself. It's not that much hassle to take him down with you. Is he under any physical therapy help for mobility? Even a smaller three year old should be able to navigated the stairs in some capacity unless they have mobility issues. It sounds like you keep him quite contained, the cot for example, most are moving on to a toddler bed at his age and not allowing him to even attempt the stairs properly isn't helping either, he'll never learn if he doesn't get the chance,

Have you tried telling him that you or his dad are away downstairs to sort out his drink, but if there is any screaming or crying he won't get anything until breakfast?

Which is what we are going to have to try.

We are just sitting there have a cuddle, saying hi, morning, how was your sleep, talking about what we will do today. It’s literally like 3 minutes usually so no that much time.

Edit - well we were before this emergence of the screaming.

You and your DH get up earlier to have your showers/go to the loo/brush teeth/whatever - before your son wakes up.

Only sadists do this.

I'm not sure I agree. I just think she's a first time mum and just needs to get her head round the fact that she's now being run by a tyrant (as all three year old are) and needs to adjust life accordingly. No more lie ins or quiet time! It's hard to accept. By number 2 she will be much more onto it.

Ive got a 3 year old.
She gets herself up, has a wee and comes downstairs. We’ve also got a big house.

Honestly I think you’ve babied him a little. Take him down, let him watch a cartoon and then get yourself sorted while he sits and has his milk.

When he's calm and settled have you asked him why?

What are you going to do about him not being able to get up and down the stairs by himself OP?

Unless his legs are like a miniature dachshund, he should be able to navigate stairs. Bless him.

So I might use my "special voice" in those circumstances

Yes.
If you're not going to take him downstairs with you, and nothing is actually wrong when he's screaming then it might be time for consequences.