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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I find women too difficult”

271 replies

calvermegan · 01/02/2025 20:37

Having a conversation at work about funny house share stories. I mentioned I lived with 6 other girls during my uni years (we got on great and are still friends now).

Colleague said I’d hate that as I just find women so difficult and they always dislike me. Colleague is female and constantly says how well she gets on with men.

Aibu to think saying this is just bizarre? All men and all women are not the same. I’m not going to like or dislike you based on your gender.

OP posts:
Babybaby2025 · 02/02/2025 14:31

@BlueSilverCats

My women friends rarely do that. My husbands friendship groups do that quite a bit though. I often tell him off for having such bitchy messages amongst his friends. The men in my work are also far worse for calling people lazy/useless behind peoples back. Perhaps it's not a gendered thing, just a human thing, but we are far more likely to pick up on women with those traits because we excuse, forgive and forget men for their shitty behaviour more often. Where as women have to be perfect to not be considered a bitch, men don't.

ERthree · 02/02/2025 14:31

Women in a group of 2 are fine and i can deal with that. I worked in a female only environment and to be honest it was hell, the bitchiness, the absolute out and out lies regarding communications and work completed was unreal, they just couldn't own their mistakes. The screeching and the tears were too much. Too many of them were the sneaky mean girl type.
I grew up in a very male environment and maybe that is the reason i struggled with an all female work environment, with the men what you saw was what you got, straight talking and up front, no hidden agenda's.

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 02/02/2025 15:10

I grew up with brothers and sisters. Brothers were easier but more distant. Sisters were more supportive but more competitive. Your colleague could well be ND. It does affect how you feel about the sexes. Here is my list about my frustrations with women:

women talk endlessly about their children, never about themselves. I want to hear about you
older women talk endlessly about their grandchildren, rarely about themselves. I want to hear about you. Men are okay talking about themselves and don't often talk about children
some older women spend their hard-fought retirement looking after grandchildren, neglecting themselves, instead of travelling the world, taking up new hobbies, having time for yourself, just reading a book. You're dead a long time. I think men get that
a woman's identity seems to be, so often, absent as it's tied up with someone else's identity. The average man couldn't function without knowing and projecting his own identity
some women can't leave a restaurant without saying goodbye endlessly on the pavement. Men tend to say one goodbye and leave
women do strange things to their faces and bodies (spiders in your eyes / big lips etc) which takes time and money and a lot of looking at yourself in the mirror (narcissism), but the results aren't always better. Men (unless they're body builders) aren't that bothered with altering themselves or what their reflection looks like
women talk A LOT, but substance often isn't there. Also they laugh A LOT while talking. What's so funny? Men laugh less and say more with less words
some women can't get passed the people-pleasing thing but it makes them fake because they'll smile at your face but probably wish you gone. Men don't usually do people-pleasing which makes them more honest
women embraced the false promise of 'having it all' and ended up with the reality 'doing it all'
women seethe with resentment from 'doing it all' but they can't or won't take the necessary steps to make sure they only do their fair share. Men will invest a lot in protecting their laziness and won't necessarily feel guilty about it
women gossip about personal things to do with others. So they may well be gossiping about me right? I find personal details, especially if it involves bitchiness, boring and irrelevant ... and so probably do most men
some women think its a great thing to be a multi-tasker. I know that being a multi-tasker makes you responsible for everything and a master of nothing. Men know this too. So did Leonardo da Vinci. I prefer to be like them - good on single focus. It makes for a far more rewarding life too
some women, even in this day and age, seem to put themselves last and won't demand or fight for freedoms that should be universal. But I'm not sure putting yourself last helps anyone and some women end up looking like martyrs. Men know that martydom isn't a good look.
On this site I can't believe the lack of fair share between couples when it comes to domestic duties. I'm literally gobsmacked. So many women complaining and putting up with, but not acting with real determination and commitment to ensure they are treated fairly. Men would act - they wouldn't accept being worked to death like the 'noble' horse Boxer from Animal Farm
On this site again - why do so many women end up looking after their partner's parents because, apparently, that's what women do? I never did. I liked his parents but that's about it. A man won't look after your parents
Women can be extremely intelligent, capable and organised - but for many, instead of this being their pathway to leadership roles, high salaries, great discoveries etc, they exhaust themselves with detail and mundane chores that usually relate to other people, not even themselves. Men will make sure they use these qualities to better themselves and improve their position in the world
women of an older generation can be very embittered. They didn't have the opportunities and freedoms their daughters have so they can come across as rather shallow, sad creatures. Men of the same age are used to coming from lines of successful men with their own autonomy. They don't look back in anger or horror at their fettered ancestors
Most women appear to be driven by biology. It's literally 'I want a baby' and economic / global issues, climate change, personal circumstance don't seem to figure much in the equation
Women don't seem to like women who outwardly display courage, commitment, anger, rage, their opinions and their demands. Secretly, they want to keep that 'little' woman in the same hole they're in? Men will admire strength of personality in another man and want to be like him
Women in some cultures will quite happily rip a female's genitals out. There's no way the average man will interfere with another man's junk

All of which you might think are sweeping generalisations, but I think there's truth in all of them.

The positives about women: There are so many brilliant successful women out there who don't laugh at things that aren't funny, don't people-please, can say goodbye just the once and won't tolerate gossip - think Kemi Badenoch, Anne Widdicombe, Greta Thunberg, Beth Mead, Karen Brady, Helen Sharman, Serena Weigman, Angela Merkel, Angela Raynor

Strangely, I dislike women more than men for both their failings and their strengths. Can't win I suppose, but I make it my life's work to NOT be the things that I seem to despise so much in some women

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 02/02/2025 15:20

Surely by posting this, you are proving her point? You’ve analysed what she said and then gone to spout off about it online to get other people to think that she’s weird.

I too prefer male company. It’s just the way it naturally falls for me and not a conscious decision. Interestingly someone upthread mentioned it’s a common ND thing. I have suspicions that I am ND. I certainly don’t give ‘pick me’ energy and I don’t think I’m different to all other females. It’s just that the tribe I have found where I’m most comfortable are male.

calvermegan · 02/02/2025 18:01

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 02/02/2025 15:20

Surely by posting this, you are proving her point? You’ve analysed what she said and then gone to spout off about it online to get other people to think that she’s weird.

I too prefer male company. It’s just the way it naturally falls for me and not a conscious decision. Interestingly someone upthread mentioned it’s a common ND thing. I have suspicions that I am ND. I certainly don’t give ‘pick me’ energy and I don’t think I’m different to all other females. It’s just that the tribe I have found where I’m most comfortable are male.

You’re so triggered by what I said. Wow…

OP posts:
babyproblems · 02/02/2025 18:06

I’m like the woman you’re talking about so I don’t find it that odd. I find often women have another agenda or aren’t very authentic. I find men very easy to read, I’m quite direct as a person and I find I have to work hard to interpret women sometimes. I have sole girlfriends I’ve known for years but I do think it’s hard to make friends with women as an ‘adult.’

babyproblems · 02/02/2025 18:08

when I say about women not being authentic - I suppose you could say that by posting about it on mumsnet you kind of prove the point! It’s a hidden agenda that has a negative/nasty angle. I wondered if you feel threatened - it reads as that to me.

FaithFables · 02/02/2025 19:05

babyproblems · 02/02/2025 18:08

when I say about women not being authentic - I suppose you could say that by posting about it on mumsnet you kind of prove the point! It’s a hidden agenda that has a negative/nasty angle. I wondered if you feel threatened - it reads as that to me.

Do you think all posts on internet forums are by women? Do men never post these kinds of threads on the likes of reddit, FB, Twatter and the like?

In my experience, males are the bitchiest of the sexes, the most testerical, dramatic and happen to also be the most violent.

Elsvieta · 02/02/2025 19:06

Women NEVER like her? Well, the common factor here is her.

Internalised misogyny. "Oh, I'm not really like a woman at all, because women are obviously inferior".

BlueSilverCats · 02/02/2025 19:27

Elsvieta · 02/02/2025 19:06

Women NEVER like her? Well, the common factor here is her.

Internalised misogyny. "Oh, I'm not really like a woman at all, because women are obviously inferior".

Or , plot twist.

"I am different to other women and they don't like me because they think I'm womaning wrong".

kattaduck · 02/02/2025 19:32

Imagine someone saying " Oh I don't get along with working class people, they all hate me" What would that say about a person.

Also for every person which is ND, finds it hard to read people, is more direct, etc. there are women exactly like you out there which this thread actually proves. Do you honestly think those women do hate you?

ChonkyRabbit · 02/02/2025 19:37

StormyPotatoes · 01/02/2025 23:06

Interesting that several posters who have issues with women seem to be referring to them as ‘females’ but men as ‘men’. There’s a big group of not nice men who do exactly that.

Make of that what you will.

Quite.

SallyWD · 02/02/2025 19:53

I love women and gave many female friends. However, I'm not sure I'd want to live with 6 other women. I don't seems to do well in large groups of women. I'm more comfortable one to one or in very small groups.

easycheesypeas · 02/02/2025 20:38

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 02/02/2025 15:10

I grew up with brothers and sisters. Brothers were easier but more distant. Sisters were more supportive but more competitive. Your colleague could well be ND. It does affect how you feel about the sexes. Here is my list about my frustrations with women:

women talk endlessly about their children, never about themselves. I want to hear about you
older women talk endlessly about their grandchildren, rarely about themselves. I want to hear about you. Men are okay talking about themselves and don't often talk about children
some older women spend their hard-fought retirement looking after grandchildren, neglecting themselves, instead of travelling the world, taking up new hobbies, having time for yourself, just reading a book. You're dead a long time. I think men get that
a woman's identity seems to be, so often, absent as it's tied up with someone else's identity. The average man couldn't function without knowing and projecting his own identity
some women can't leave a restaurant without saying goodbye endlessly on the pavement. Men tend to say one goodbye and leave
women do strange things to their faces and bodies (spiders in your eyes / big lips etc) which takes time and money and a lot of looking at yourself in the mirror (narcissism), but the results aren't always better. Men (unless they're body builders) aren't that bothered with altering themselves or what their reflection looks like
women talk A LOT, but substance often isn't there. Also they laugh A LOT while talking. What's so funny? Men laugh less and say more with less words
some women can't get passed the people-pleasing thing but it makes them fake because they'll smile at your face but probably wish you gone. Men don't usually do people-pleasing which makes them more honest
women embraced the false promise of 'having it all' and ended up with the reality 'doing it all'
women seethe with resentment from 'doing it all' but they can't or won't take the necessary steps to make sure they only do their fair share. Men will invest a lot in protecting their laziness and won't necessarily feel guilty about it
women gossip about personal things to do with others. So they may well be gossiping about me right? I find personal details, especially if it involves bitchiness, boring and irrelevant ... and so probably do most men
some women think its a great thing to be a multi-tasker. I know that being a multi-tasker makes you responsible for everything and a master of nothing. Men know this too. So did Leonardo da Vinci. I prefer to be like them - good on single focus. It makes for a far more rewarding life too
some women, even in this day and age, seem to put themselves last and won't demand or fight for freedoms that should be universal. But I'm not sure putting yourself last helps anyone and some women end up looking like martyrs. Men know that martydom isn't a good look.
On this site I can't believe the lack of fair share between couples when it comes to domestic duties. I'm literally gobsmacked. So many women complaining and putting up with, but not acting with real determination and commitment to ensure they are treated fairly. Men would act - they wouldn't accept being worked to death like the 'noble' horse Boxer from Animal Farm
On this site again - why do so many women end up looking after their partner's parents because, apparently, that's what women do? I never did. I liked his parents but that's about it. A man won't look after your parents
Women can be extremely intelligent, capable and organised - but for many, instead of this being their pathway to leadership roles, high salaries, great discoveries etc, they exhaust themselves with detail and mundane chores that usually relate to other people, not even themselves. Men will make sure they use these qualities to better themselves and improve their position in the world
women of an older generation can be very embittered. They didn't have the opportunities and freedoms their daughters have so they can come across as rather shallow, sad creatures. Men of the same age are used to coming from lines of successful men with their own autonomy. They don't look back in anger or horror at their fettered ancestors
Most women appear to be driven by biology. It's literally 'I want a baby' and economic / global issues, climate change, personal circumstance don't seem to figure much in the equation
Women don't seem to like women who outwardly display courage, commitment, anger, rage, their opinions and their demands. Secretly, they want to keep that 'little' woman in the same hole they're in? Men will admire strength of personality in another man and want to be like him
Women in some cultures will quite happily rip a female's genitals out. There's no way the average man will interfere with another man's junk

All of which you might think are sweeping generalisations, but I think there's truth in all of them.

The positives about women: There are so many brilliant successful women out there who don't laugh at things that aren't funny, don't people-please, can say goodbye just the once and won't tolerate gossip - think Kemi Badenoch, Anne Widdicombe, Greta Thunberg, Beth Mead, Karen Brady, Helen Sharman, Serena Weigman, Angela Merkel, Angela Raynor

Strangely, I dislike women more than men for both their failings and their strengths. Can't win I suppose, but I make it my life's work to NOT be the things that I seem to despise so much in some women

"Women CAN be intelligent" "women hate women who display courage", this is patriarchal nonsense. I imagine most women aren't interested in meeting your standards for conversation topics. and length of goodbyes because they have too much work to do in a society that doesn't afford them equal treatment (because men are innately superior, apparently, and thus the inequality MUST be women's fault). Men are heavily involved in FGM, and are the ones in power in countries that allow it. And historically at least, male castration was a punishment carried out by other men.

SemperIdem · 02/02/2025 20:40

I don’t trust women who say they only get along with men and find other women hard work. They’re also so loud about it.

Waitingfordoggo · 02/02/2025 20:41

SallyWD · 02/02/2025 19:53

I love women and gave many female friends. However, I'm not sure I'd want to live with 6 other women. I don't seems to do well in large groups of women. I'm more comfortable one to one or in very small groups.

Same for me. I've never been invited on one of those big group girls' weekends or nights out- not that I'd want to go anyway! I like one to one or small groups of women.

JoyousGreyOrca · 02/02/2025 20:42

I have been away with big groups of women. It was fun.

JHound · 02/02/2025 20:42

You met a Pick Me in the wild.

Keep your distance.

JHound · 02/02/2025 20:44

StormyPotatoes · 01/02/2025 23:06

Interesting that several posters who have issues with women seem to be referring to them as ‘females’ but men as ‘men’. There’s a big group of not nice men who do exactly that.

Make of that what you will.

It’s one of the clearest indicators that somebody is a misogynist.

5128gap · 02/02/2025 20:51

Its internalised misogyny. She has absorbed the message from childhood that men are 'better' and so will cherry pick her experiences with the two sexes (maybe subconsciously) to affirm what she has been taught. So every sleight from a woman will be remembered and those from men glossed over. The unpleasant men and the decent women will be overlooked. To deal with the discomfort of actually being herself a member of the inferior sex, she frames herself as a special sort of woman who is 'different' with a lot more in common with men. She will insist robustly that men ALWAYS treat HER well, again framing herself as a special and therefore worthy of their regard.

NowThatYouSayIt · 02/02/2025 20:57

Exactly, @5128gap And@JHound.

CeceliaImrie · 02/02/2025 21:25

You’re so triggered by what I said. Wow…

Is that how you react to many people with a different perspective to you. You come across quite unpleasant.

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 02/02/2025 21:43

easycheesypeas · 02/02/2025 20:38

"Women CAN be intelligent" "women hate women who display courage", this is patriarchal nonsense. I imagine most women aren't interested in meeting your standards for conversation topics. and length of goodbyes because they have too much work to do in a society that doesn't afford them equal treatment (because men are innately superior, apparently, and thus the inequality MUST be women's fault). Men are heavily involved in FGM, and are the ones in power in countries that allow it. And historically at least, male castration was a punishment carried out by other men.

If they have too much work to do, they should really only be saying 'goodbye' once and not over and over again. You haven't addressed WHY women have too much work to do. I'm a woman and I don't have too much work to do because I simply refuse to do more than my fair share. Look at this site. How often do you hear women saying they do all the housework, child rearing, hold down a FT job, look after PILs, look after grandchildren. What steps are they taking to change that? I don't support the patriarchy. It doesn't help men or women. But women seriously need to help themselves or else put up with massive inequality in the division of labour, which is what they still continue to do.

calvermegan · 02/02/2025 21:45

babyproblems · 02/02/2025 18:06

I’m like the woman you’re talking about so I don’t find it that odd. I find often women have another agenda or aren’t very authentic. I find men very easy to read, I’m quite direct as a person and I find I have to work hard to interpret women sometimes. I have sole girlfriends I’ve known for years but I do think it’s hard to make friends with women as an ‘adult.’

So you also have an agenda and aren’t authentic?

OP posts:
username299 · 02/02/2025 21:49

calvermegan · 02/02/2025 21:45

So you also have an agenda and aren’t authentic?

I know, there's a lot of projection going on.