“I find women too difficult”

[calvermegan]

Having a conversation at work about funny house share stories. I mentioned I lived with 6 other girls during my uni years (we got on great and are still friends now).

Colleague said I’d hate that as I just find women so difficult and they always dislike me. Colleague is female and constantly says how well she gets on with men.

Aibu to think saying this is just bizarre? All men and all women are not the same. I’m not going to like or dislike you based on your gender.

This does not describe the women I know. I'm sorry for you.

OP, anyone who said that to me would be marked.
She has little life experiences and is insular and narrow minded as a result.
I would be wary.

I find (some of) the women of MN rather difficult...

I would find it intriguing not annoying if someone said what OP's colleague said.

Well, my comment was based on personal experience and not stereotypes.

I'm well aware of what men say and do when there are no women around but in much the same way as male partners generally don't behave like they would with their male friends when their girlfriend/wife/partner is around, my experience is also that most men don't do it when female friends are around either. And the ones that do quickly get dropped. By me anyway.

There are plenty of men I've met but have nothing to do with at all because they were arseholes.

Reading back your original post I actually believe this was a bit of a throwaway comment in terms of the “all women” bit and it just comes across as you don’t like her and wanted group justification for your dislike so you came on here for a bitch.

Generalisations happen all the time and we don’t mean it when pressed (“all Tories are like this” “All men are like this” “All Boomers are like this” “parents who put their child in front of a screen are lazy” and so on…).

As I said up thread, my personal experience of living with women was significantly less positive than living with men. That’s true. It doesn’t mean that I hate women, it’s just that I have a preference. And yet you still called me a “pick me”.

Basically this all feels a bit spiteful.

I don't think I would find that fun- we're all different!

To be honest it would depend what activities we were doing. If it was hiking, I'd probably be fine. Shopping or bottomless brunches- definitely not my scene.

That's because these threads always go the same way. People telling an audience of women they they don't get on with them. Throwing around negative stereotypes about women based on their experience of some women. Listing all the ways men are superior. Dividing the sexes up as having specific interests and pastimes with the ones they attribute to boys and men presented as superior. The insidious belittling of women as obsessed with the light weight and unworthy, shopping, gossip, brunches, which they themselves are above, with their dirty knees and love of sport a badge of honorary manhood, setting them apart from the despised pink and glittery.
Then when the inevitable push back comes from women who don't recognise themselves or their friends in the stereotypes and are annoyed or offended, their responses are just used to prop up the idea that women are 'bitchy'.
Ironic that this behaviour comes from those condemning other women as manipulative.

Why such vitriol and hate for all woman kind? You know for the vast majority of women, in this world, they have to live by rules and systems set up and determined by men - all legal and social systems, religion and similar. We only got the vote in this country in 1918 because up till then men really believed that women were inferior to them, and had it not been be hard fought for by the Suffragettes, the right to vote would have taken much longer. For the most part all religion is patriarchal and designed in such a way that women are placed in the supporting role to the man, for all his needs and desires, and to have his babies, being told by other men, the holy men, that this is “what god wants” for them. In reality a lot of women, actually don’t want children and don’t want to get married, but do so because of societal and religious expectations. Because of this so many women throughout the world have no rights to self determination, to choices, because of patriarchal systems in place, keeping them down.

Do think men would be as successful in their lives, in their careers if they didn’t have that woman in the background, their wife or partner, as their support, having their children, taking care of the children, taking care of their home, whilst giving up careers, whilst the man advances in his own career, because ultimately all the other responsibilities fall on the wife. Imagine if the roles were reversed how the world would look so differently.

You mention FGM. What about circumscision - a standard and accepted practice by millions of people around the world?

This. And one wonders how that plays put in RL. If you encounter a woman continually boring on about how other woman are catty and spiteful, while men are lovely straightforward types with GSOH, I imagine you’d be tempted to push her down the stairs and hiss ‘Whoops! I cannot stop my catty, spiteful female ways!’ as she tumbled through the air.

Because she’s a woman. So if that’s how women are in her view then that necessarily applies to her too.

Reading some of these posts I am constantly amazed at how misogyny is such an accepted form of bigotry compared to things such as homophobia, anti-semitism or racism.

Replace “women” with “Jews” or “black people” in some of these posts and people would be horrified.

Nonsense. If a woman says she's wary of men, doesn't walk alone at night etc, do people call her hypocritical if she's married or has brothers? Because they're men right?

I've always had more male friends than female friends. I've always worked in a typical male dominated profession. My hobbies and interests are 'traditionally' male ones so I've just naturally gravitated towards men who share my interests.

It always astounds how so many women are actually so misogynistic towards other women It’s bizarre. My mother is like this, always very critical of other women, but will stick up for all men, even the really shitty ones. She thinks men are superior and women are all inferior. It’s a sick mentality.

That make no sense.

She said “this is how women are”. So yes that necessarily applies to her.

Often when people say “that’s how the entire group is” when speaking of a group they are part of - it’s merely them projecting their own behaviour. Like when a man says “all men cheat”.

I find it odd how much drama people seem to attract in their lives. Like, most people I know, male or female, are broadly nice. I don't understand how everyone on here has so many negative experiences with all these awful people.

Well, maybe I do understand, as the friend of mine who most often complains about how awful other people are, is the one who is actually a bit of a knob to them first.

Oh pipe down armchair psychologist. I don’t need “group justification” from anyone. I do like her. I wouldn’t spend free time such as my lunch or having dinner with her after work if I disliked her.

She has said similar things in the past. But I am allowed to find it odd that a woman would say so bluntly to a group of other women (no men involved in the conversation) that women are difficult and seemingly exempt herself from her own stereotype.

My first thought was that she sounds like a "cool girl" who likes male attention/ special treatment for being a "lady" and sees other women as competition or resenting her for being the competition. I had a friend at uni like this. All her friends from home were male, she just said she "got on better with blokes". We went out for a drink in the first term and she seemed momentarily shocked that I didn't pay for her, I suppose as she was so used to get male friends picking up the tab.

Or she may be under the impression that men are "nicer" because they seem that way in the surface. I admit I used to think similarly in my youth. It didn't occur to me that a lot of men are just inclined to act nicely towards young and pretty women. Unfortunately this only dawned on me once I was no longer young and not as pretty.

The other thing that rang a bell was the poster who suggested she may have ASD. I am not diagnosed but one of my children is and his consultant confirmed that I had several traits. I'm socially slightly awkward because I take a split second too long reading nuances (such as working out whether someone is joking, being sarcastic, asking a rhetorical question etc) and it can make conversation a bit stilted until I get to know the person better. I've had far more women than men write me off as weird and avoid me after an initial conversation. Men (albeit not all) don't seem quite as attuned to it and are less likely to notice. That may or may not be a factor.

I appreciate that was supposed to be the kind of withering sarcasm that stops people in their tracks but I'm a lesbian who outside of sexual relationships prefers the company of men.
Doesn't mean I don't like women, clearly I do.

I have a couple of close female friends, but most are male. I think thats largely because I've met men through my hobbies, which are the main focus of conversation/meet-ups with more social stuff mixed in.

I think this is fair. Whenever this topic comes up the person raising it gets a load of grief about being a pick me and how wrong they are to generalise. But at a population level men and women do differ in interests and how they interact socially. If you fit better in that space why is that wrong? Yes, don't write of a woman because of her sex, but if you end up with mainly male friends that just seems part of normal human variation.

And I say this as someone with mostly female friends.

I find this whole exchange a bit bizarre to be honest! It really is exactly what I am referring to - what I mean is literally what I say - I’m not assuming it’s all women, no. That is what I am referring to - you are adding layers of complexity that just aren’t in my phrases/statement. I don’t understand why you would do that in a discussion online about your thoughts on a woman you know and have made some assumptions about. Like genuinely I don’t understand what your end game is here..?! I think when someone uses words like ‘women’ or ‘men’ - words that define a group with similar characteristics - we can assume they are generalising. This doesn’t mean ‘all of that group’ of course. It is a generalisation. I don’t think that because I am a woman, that I am not authentic or have another agenda, no. I meant that these are characteristics I have seen ‘often’ in my lifetime in this group. It is a generalisation and does not mean every woman; but certainly some in my experience; and more than I have seen in men.

Well, she sounds a bit socially dense, or ill-attuned, which may explain why she gets on better with a certain type of man who has not been socialised to grasp nuance in social situations.

I don’t know - perhaps she IS neurodiverse as others have suggested (clearly I don’t know her so I can’t “armchair psychologist” too broadly)

it’s also not really armchair psychology to see how bitchy you’ve been throughout this thread to anyone who might have a differing view point.

PS Is “pipe down” intended to put me in my place? To silence me?
What’s your intention with that pleasant little phrase on a public forum?

I'm interested that you call the OP 'bitchy'. I've had a look back at her posts and yes, she references the pick me stereotype, but in fairness we've had a LOT of different negative stereotypes about women thrown about on here so that's hardly a stand out comment to earn her that slur rather than all the other women making unpleasant generalisations.
The 'pipe down' wasn't polite. It was very direct. But tbh exactly the sort of comment men tend to make and are praised for on here - direct, know where you stand, authentic. Yet the OP gets that specifically female slur of 'bitchy'. Seems to me evidence that if you're determined to see something you'll find it.