Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

[ShowHouse]

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

When my children were small I had a friend who was so uptight about her immaculate house that her children who were aged 4-10 worried about mess etc . I thought it was absolutely horrible for the kids .They are all adults now and have all not achieved,one went to Oxford Uni and works in a cafe ,one bumming around doing fuck all and the other has gone with girlfriend off grid from the world.

I don't have a grubby house. I had a white uoholstered sofa when my DCs were all small and still have one. My DCs made forts, etc, with the couch cushions, and they remained clean because the floors were clean.

I trust guests enough to take off their shoes if they wish (or not if that makes them uncomfortable (my family and I take off outdoor footwear), open my fridge and help themselves to milk, butter, jam, or whatever. I don't hover over them. I don't tut at crumbs, and I clear up cheerfully when meals are over.

The MIL here sounds like a judgey, uptight neatnik, very unpleasant to be around. She's the one with the problem, not the OP.

Nobody should be jumping on and off furniture. It’s dangerous and disrespectful i someone else’s house.

My exMIL's family (she kept a show home) were all achievers but all suffer from depression.

So you're implying that because the mum tried to maintain an immaculate house her children are now under achievers?

@KindLemur
I would not expect an elderly lady to run around after us.
I would rather take my my own cake and tea flask to be honest.
It would really insult her to bring our food.
It would be much easier believe me to take our own food and plastic sheets and trays around our necks and beakers to avoid spills! I d love too.

if you invite kids over it’s what they do!

Not if they have been well brought up and have parents who monitor their behaviour rather than making pathetic excuses for them If my grandchildren misbehave when they're here with their parents I don't need to tell them off, their parents do so, immediately.

Sorry one went to Oxford uni, that's quite an achievement. And don't be so sneery about cafes.

I don't see her as elderly she's very active, young to me, does several aerobic classes

Good grief. Your DH is her SON and he's not allowed to choose where he sits or put the kettle on?

The very first time my late husband took me to meet his parents, in the early days of our relationship, within five minutes they had told me to help myself to anything I wanted from the fridge and cupboards and to make myself at home. They were such lovely hospitable people, and of course turned out to be the most loving and tolerant of grandparents.

My sons in law (and of course, my daughters) are free to do the same and to go anywhere in my house, and the grandchildren can roam too.

I simply can't get my head round the behaviour of the MIL in the OP. Apart from the sofa jumping element.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa

You allow your children to rough house on furniture in someone else’s house? Where are your manners?

YABU.

Mum?

Sounds rubbish, as do all the other gaffs where people’s own kids are banned from floor is lava. Some British people are weirdly formal, even with their own children. Victorian hangover, I guess. Just stop going.

(Btw I know several people who were brought up by uptight house proud mothers and it has not affected them well.)

And? She doesn't want people jumping on her sofa with their shoes on

Some people don't want visitors in every part of their home and theres nothing wrong with that.

One's own adult children are not 'visitors'.

I wouldn't be going.

@ShowHouse - now you say this, it reminds me of my grandmother’s house and also my exH and his mother.
it wasn’t being told off exactly but there was def a feeling of behaving/ manners asking for things/ being polite… My mum now she’s old is a bit like this too. I would prob ask if I could have a drink or take my own food..
I guess it’s strange but I think it’s more just that era x

Allihavetodoisdream

No in cases like that it's because they are as common as muck and aren't the brightest.

That is a point of view. Anyone who cones to my home and doesn't live here is a visitor in my book.

@AllEndeavour@AllEndeavour yes

@Brainstorm23

@KindLemur well, your situation sounds completely different to mine. Yet you jumped on my post, which was an honest pov in response to the op, trying to prove me wrong. You are clearly projecting your own experience.

And it's very silly saying things like mumsnetters are this and that way, they are anal, they hate their mil-s... You are a mumsnetter too.
We are actually all very different. Open up your mind a bit.

@OriginalUsername2 maybe being honest is the best policy I think I would want to know if my family felt so uncomfortable.

I think as this post has shown theres no right or wrong just a difference in families.
I would easily go into my mums house and nosey in her fridge and so do all my friends whereas my husbands family are more formal. Dont know if this is an area thing or family thing but I see my mums house as an extension of my own and hope when my son is older he feels the same.
I dont see why you are being crucified for children behaving like children in their gparents house. If someone has riled them up and they've no outlet then I'm sure they do want to jump about.
She maybe does have some OCD, again my mum would be funny about having tea or food in someones house for various reasons eg if they have pets she would consider it dirty, she considers anything dirty if it doesnt smell like bleach. That's not the way I am at all, I've too much life to be living to clean that much but some people are just like that and like to keep everything formal and nice.

Suppose I'd depends on how often you meet them but I'd just try and ignore it if possible or meet them out or not give them an option but to come to yours.

Her house her rules.

I genuinely cant imagine having a relationship with my mum (or my son in the future) where I feel like this. I'd genuinely feel like i had failed if I thought of my son as a visitor to the house he grew up in and took his first steps in