Mum and DH being horrid about getting more cats

[FloydWasACat]

OK, so background is: DH became quadroplegic just under four years ago. I work p/t as we also have 2 children and even though he has carers in I still to do a lot.

Around 8 months ago we had to put our 16 year old cat to sleep. We have another one who is gentle and loving who is 9 and I have noticed that she just seems lonely now.

I told DH that I was thinking of getting another cat from a rescue centre, he went apeshit at me. I would be paying and doing everything and frankly, there is no joy in my life nowadays and both DC would be happy too.

I may have overstepped but Cat Protection League advertised about two 14 month old girls. I put myself forward for them. I genuinely will be the one paying and doing everything. I KNOW our cat will be fine with them otherwise I wouldn't have even considered it.

When I was at work yesterday my DH told my Mum what I was thinking of doing. I got the most abusive phone call from her telling I was 'fucking stupid and an idiot' and 'I forbid you to have them' etc. I am 48 yrs old and after what has happened to DH I just think what the hell, you only get one life and it's giving a loving home to animals in need if care.

AIBU??

Sorry, that was very long. Just feel a bit lonely right now. Thanks if you got through all of that

Im a carer for my husband and totally understand where you’re at! Especially if he’s unhappy. My husband had 2 strokes 3 years ago, I don’t think he’s anywhere near as bad as your husband, but he can’t do anything on his own. It’s hard work. Immid 60’s and he’s late 70’s so unlike you we have had a life together, so I really sympathise with you. It must be so hard to be at home on your own every night and missing out on a good relationship with your husband or going out with friends. Everything falls on you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but if you get another cat will it make him worse.? Sending hugs and empathy. 🥰

Other than costs, it's really not.

If you're feeding one you can just as easily feed three.
If you're walking one you can walk three together.

It's really just the financial side that makes a difference

Totally agree with NotOneOfTheCrowd

I didn’t say DH was to be ‘put away’. I said the money could be put away for care in later life.

I do feel for you. I am also a carer. My husband has advanced Parkinson’s Disease. I feel very lonely at times and there is no fun in our relationship any more. I wanted a dog for companionship and some fun in my life. My husband really didn’t want one, but I decided to go ahead anyway. I now have a lovely little dog to take care of. Walking him is my respite time. My husband has come round, and actually quite likes him now, even though it took a while.
I very much understand how lonely you feel. And I would say go ahead and get a cat if it will help you.
Carers need support too.

LTB, KTC (keep the cats).

Sorry for not replying earlier, I really am.

Kitten are here and the kids and my DH love them, they are nutters but I love them too. My Mum on the other hand, is still not talking to me.

They look bigger than they actually are!

They are absolutely gorgeous. So pleased your DH has taken to them. I hope he gets plenty of enjoyment out of them as will you all

They are adorable 🥰 Glad you did something for yourself and that your immediate family love the cats too.
If your mother is still not speaking then I would be questioning her real agenda. Maybe time to re-evaluate that relationship and possibly get some counselling.

Love a happy ending!

And batshit mother has gone NC? Result!

So Win / Win / Win / Win then.

(You happy, husband happy, kids happy, no need to deal with your awful mother.)

Sounds wonderful.

@
Purplebunnie
He loves them, I knew he would, so does my older cat, the carers and the kids.

I am really glad I made this decision and thank you for all the supporting replies I have received. I also appreciate the less supportive feedback too, but if you don't get it, you just don't get it.

Ahhhhh gorgeous kittens! Very happy for you!

Btw, I love my husband to bits and wouldn't change him for the world.

It's not my choice that he gets put in bed at 9pm, that is the Carers schedule. I would love it if that didn't happen, but it does. He then just sits watching his iPad and doesn't engage with me through the next room. Like I don't exist.

It's horrible, ok?

They are little darlings, thank you for the photo, OP.

I agree, it is a win win win.

Enjoy!

Sounds miserable for you both. But magine not even having a say in when you go to bed. 9pm is earlier than a teenager. I'd lose my will to live.

Why don't you join him in the bedroom and watch a film together or something?

Yes, I think I would try to work with the schedule as you can be more flexible. What time does he get up in the morning? Could you all try to have earlier bed and wake times? (I'm sure you've already considered this)

V happy to read your update. Cats make everything better ❤️

I haven't read your whole thread but I have read your comments. If the kittens bring some joy into your home, then so be it. Your situation is very tough and you deserve a little bit of joy too. And your DM gets no say IMO.

Feel free to post more photos in lieu of kitten tax!

did you name them, or did they come with names ?

Ahhhh!! They are gorgeous 🥰

They were called Sugar and Spice but have now been renamed as Skylar and Oakley (my Dd's names for them.)

My DH wants to call them Lenny and George!

Yesterday

I feel really sad for you that your life sounds so difficult. If you’re looking after the cats yourself I don’t see the issue. If they bring you joy and you’re doing a kind thing rehoming them, screw what anyone else thinks!