Humiliated by mil

[DustyD]

I need some advice.
Been with Dp for one year, we are very happy. Tonight mil embarrassed me by revealing something to a kitchen full of people (family event) that we were talking about earlier in the day. She was making fun of me in a very bitchy way, very low and brutal without revealing it was me. The other guests were joining in and this revelation and it was all taken as a joke.

She then revealed where this person was from which was very obvious it was me ( I'm from a different area)

I was sitting there totally humiliated while everyone was laughing at my expense as if this was a big joke.
I am a sensitive person but my Dp who didn't stick up for me when I said I don't like this, she said what can I do?
She also agrees with me it was completely out of order and a very low blow, and will be talking to her Dm.

I'm considering ending the relationship because is this the family I want to be apart of ?

Aibu

Run, don't walk! She is a grade A bitch and He is a pathetic, selfish coward!!

If you are going to be expected to spend a lot of time in the company of these people, OP, then regardless of your DP's stance, I would be kind to yourself and prioritise your happiness by ending the relationship. Otherwise you'll be posting on here frequently about miserable family meet-ups and ruined occasions.

I can’t believe some posters have advised you to leave your gf !!!!!

Your mil needs a serious talking to from her daughter & husband..
You mentioned he wasn’t happy about it either ..
I’d say to your gf , I’m not going to be going around to your mothers if she is going to act like an arse ..
x

Nope i would stay where you are for now and see further down the line this seems like its going to turn toxic with mil and will cause problems for you and gf and don't move or give up your job yet

I would leave. Your girlfriend didn’t stand up for you and that really shows how the future dynamic would be. You would be leaving in her area, seeing the MIL regularly (is she interfering type that would have a key?.) Would you like to have children? Imagine the constant criticism and belittling for years. With a partner that won’t stand up to her. Nope. Value yourself and leave. I would make it very clear to her the reasons why as well.

It's one thing to not agree with your choices, but quite another to mock you.

If it was banter then they should have realised you weren't enjoying it and stopped.

Sometimes people go with the crowd as they don't want to be the next target, so better to laught with your gf's mum even if they don't agree.

Problem with such people is they will never stick up for you.

They don't respect you and seems all afraid of the mum.

Your gf didn't like it either but still didn't stick up for you, that says a lot OP.

Why do you want to marry into a family that doesn't respect you and have no problem mocking you?

You haven't been as welcomed in as you think. Sorry it may hurt, but better to make I formed decisions than to go in blindly.

They've shown you who they are.... don't expect them to change.

In the early days of my relationship with my DH, my MIL massively stepped out of line with me while in my home.
I kept my mouth shut but l later told DH that I had kept quiet for his benefit but going further I would not be entertaining MIL in my home and if DH was present while she was acting in this way towards me and he did nothing then we would be in trouble.
Me having boundaries in turn inspired him to create some of his own and many years later we have a close, respectful relationship with MIL.
So I wouldn't immediately break up with my DP but I would be demanding some changes be made so this doesn't happen again.

Really good advice from the possibility OP …

@DustyD

There is NO way I'd move away from my family & job to be in a toxic environment where I have no support network & my spineless partner clearly doesn't have my back. Why would you subject yourself to a future like that? If your partner won't defend you now, in the early days of your relationship, it will only get worse.

That would be it for me I'm afraid. Dump her.
Tell her you expect her to stand up for you and not allow her bitch mother to insult you. I'd also mention about the proposal plan but now you don't want to be with her at all. Maybe she'll learn and do better for her next partner because no self respecting woman is going to accept that.

I genuinely don't understand the "didn't want to make a scene".. Why not? Can someone explain why the bully of the group is allowed to make a scene or person feel bad? But being assertive and standing up for yourself/partner is wrong?

Actually baffles me!! Your partner should have said something. You don't mock a person for your own entertainment, I would not be around these people. It seems your dp has accepted their parent for who they are and other people just need to put up with it. Not a chance would I put up with it or allow anyone to mock my partner

My sil is like this. She and my dh call it teasing,but I’m hurt and upset by the comments.In my opinion it is mocking. She doesn’t do it to my dh.it has always been this way with her.I try to avoid her if possible.