Would you have your kids again?

[Flowers665]

I don't have any and I don't know if I want any. I like having my nephew or neice for the day but I am EXHAUSTED by the end of the day and happy to hand them back. I can find it hard to fill the time with them. Also always really look forward to going back to having time to myself. I don't know if people will be honest but if you could go back would you have kids? I love being able to be selfish, spend all my time and money on myself.

Absolutely in a heartbeat. But I would do some things a little differently - I would have taken more time to be with her and not pursued my career so hard being focused on the money for the lifestyle we were able to provide - private schooling, fully funded degrees, lots of holidays and activities giving her huge opportunities and confidence. Flipside is the time spent with childminder and grandparents gave her the life experience she wouldn’t have had with just us. Now retired, our focus is on trying to replicate the grandparents experience for our DD’s daughter together with some financial support so that our DD and her family can enjoy a similar life.

I think you might get better data if you made it a two-part question: would you do it again, and did you feel very certain you wanted dc before you had them?

I suspect that people who say yes to the second are more likely to say yes to the first. But it would be interesting to find out.

I think you have to really want it, and you don't sound like you do. Although obviously that could change.

Nieces & nephews arnt the same as your own.
Filling time isn't a thing, your time is all allocated daily.
It's amazing.
I'd only nieces and nephews for years before my own.
Difference is like night & day

Without a doubt I would have them again.

Yes i would

No I wouldn't but that's because I'm a lone parent and if I knew I was going to end up doing it alone I just wouldn't have had children.

Absolutely, they are the loves of my life. You can't use nieces/nephews as a comparison to how you would feel towards your own children. There is no love like it.

Yes in a heartbeat. I would love to go back to the early days of having them all little - I had 3 under 6 and they were the best days of my life 🫶🏽 SAHM, they didn’t go to nursery and we home educated for 9 years too. I do think that living a slower pace of life contributed to overall happiness ❤️

Oh without a shadow of a doubt. Yes it’s exhausting, yes it’s relentless and yes it’s hard to find time to yourself , but the love I get back from my 3 yo DD makes it worth it all x1000 over.

Its very different when they are your own and you are their world - and they are able to show you that.

I think unless there are health issues that make day to day life hard , i can't see why anyone would say they'd not have kids.

I'd prefer to have done it younger, 25 & 26 (i was 32 & 33 - miscarried 31)

I don't like children, never liked children as a child, cant stand very young kids, hate babies, don't genuinely care for my nephews/nieces, could never work in a nursery or primary school... but I adore mine.

I felt exactly like you and questioned whether I really wanted it for a long time. I didn’t have my child until later in life partly for this reason. It is totally tiring and relentless, even more than I’d anticipated. I’m an introvert and prior to having my daughter loved a day to myself to sit around at home just watching television and lounging. I need a lot of downtime to reset. I genuinely haven’t done this once in the three years since she’s been born. It’s harder and more exhausting than I expected. Being ill yourself whilst also having to look after an ill child is so hard and terrible and it happens all the time in the early years.

All of this said, I’d have her again without hesitation. I absolutely adore her and she’s worth it. I didn’t enjoy the baby years and am glad we’re past that stage but yes I’d do it all again for her because she’s just such a joy now. She’s 3 and although still exhausting I also genuinely enjoy her company. I think it will get better and even easier as she gets into the primary years. I will say, one child is plenty for me and I have no desire to have another. I think one is the best of both worlds — once past the baby/toddler years it’s so much easier to manage. All the benefits of parenthood without it being totally overwhelming for years on end.

I definitely would have them again but I wish I had been a better parent for quite a few reasons. Nothing major but just better

Yes. There have been difficult times and times when it was relentless. But, when love is unconditional all the difficult times are made up for with the utter joy of the good times.

I was nearly 35 when I had ds and 38 when I had dd. They were planned and we had no problems. Also, from my earliest memories I wanted to be a mummy.

Other people's children have never had the same appeal. Some are likeable but I don't love them.

I totally would! But I had DTs late in life (IVF with donor eggs) and had a great social life throughout my twenties and into my thirties, great career, loads of lovely holidays etc before marrying at 39.

I always wanted kids (one of five) but just never met Mr Right - and was enjoying my life too much to worry until I didnt get pregnant after marriage. I took voluntary redundancy from work and got my DTs at 44. But had I not been lucky I would have looked at adoption. I knew I wanted children.

They are now 16 and I don't regret one moment. Love them to bits! But I know I was lucky to have all the other adult stuff out of the way first - and could afford to be a SAHP when they were small. I have only worked part time and flexibly since having them - but don't need the money and enjoyed being there when they were small. So I think I had things about as easy as any parent can.

So no regrets here - but there are so many variables for people, I think you have to go with your own thoughts....

Also some babies are quite easy, some are really hard work! (DD was angel baby, DS has ASD and ADHD and was a bit challenging when younger, but absolutely lovely these days ....) But they both were bottle fed and slept through the night, so pretty easy compared to some stories I've heard.

Good luck whatever you decide!

I always think the main problem is that women don't take it in turns with their partners to get some alone time, as seen on this thread.

No. I don’t think I would.

Thanks @xRobin! We've had a bedtime routine in place since he was about 12 weeks old, it likely means absolutely nothing to him at this stage but I like to think somewhere deep down it'll start to bed in! I look forward to the mispronunciations, a friend's little one spent a good while telling everyone and anyone about his favourite animal, the fuckodile

I'm glad I had my two. But then, I didn't feel the way you do, preferring to suit myself and have money. I don't think you should have kids unless your feelings on that change significantly.

However, I am relieved that I happened not to fall pregnant with a third child. My second child has a hereditary disease, and any other child of ours would have a 25% chance of having it too, which I knew. In retrospect, it was quite reckless to take a chance on that happening again. It could have left my eldest child to help two siblings after DH and I die. (DC2 will be mostly independent in adulthood, but will need some help with managing finances etc.)

Wouldn’t be without my kids obviously but truthfully I would advise others not to have more than two.
You never know what needs and struggles they’re going to have and it’s exhausting and never ending.

Not sure I would have kids in general again, but my kids I would have a 100 times over, now 18 and 16 with the 16 year old with a severe learning disability.
That probably doesn't make sense to someone without children 😂 but just my gut reaction to your question.

Yes, without question. It can be tiring at times but they are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I enjoyed my life before them but I wouldn't swap being their mum for all the lie ins and freedom in the world.

Yes, I would, and I didn’t even know if I wanted kids for a long time. I’m 41 now and it took us 5 years of trying and 3 IVF cycles to have her and she is totally worth it. I’m saying this after a really hard week spent with her too, but the good absolutely outweighs the bad.

This post made me tear up a bit as it is how I feel too.

I’d have my daughter again and again and again in every lifetime.
I’d pick her over anybody else in my life.

And that's despite the anxiety I've had since having them. I find things difficult at times but the pure love and joy is like nothing else. They both are my person, it has always been and will always be them.

Yes but a few years earlier and I'd leave a bit less of a gap between them. I enjoyed my child free years but I have a 9 and 5 year old and most of my friends have teenagers (and one 25 year old!) and reclaiming their lives while I'm still in the thick of it.

Million percent yes, best thing that's ever ever happened to me