DP hasn’t invited me

[Bigredchair]

so I know this is silly and I just want some perspective if I am being unreasonable so do tell me if I am so I can get over it and not cause an issue over it.

So DP and I met 5 years ago working at the same company, I worked there for 5 years, he has worked there about 15 years, I left 2 years ago, he still works there.

one of our former colleagues has just retired, DP is his boss and I worked with him often and we still see him occasionally outside of work.

now DP has organised a big retirement do for this colleague, he has invited all sorts of people who we used to work with, current colleagues, ex colleagues, clients etc, arranged a quiz and done a speech, food money behind the bar etc, alls sounds great. However my issue is that DP has not invited me!

we have a blended family and he has his kids this night and he has just gone and arranged this do on this night he has his kids, not invited me and just assumes I’ll be home watching the kids.

now I have no issue with having them but I just feel like he has invited everyone our colleague used to work with and not me even though I know this colleague well and worked with him myself and maybe it would have been nice if he had considered me and said to me I know you would have liked to have come but it’s the only date that works so would you mind having the kids for me as I really need to be there instead of just assuming I’ll be at home minding the kids. I still speak to other ex colleagues from the same company who have been texting me asking if I’m coming and I feel quite hurt that I wasn’t even invited.

AIBU to be a bit miffed by this?

That’s a shame. Sounds like it would have been a really lovely night for both of you.

I think he sounds a bit dismissive, didn’t bother mentioning it and then just assumed you’d stay with the kids. Not the end of the world but is it a pattern that he can make you feel neglected (if that’s the right word).

Also, do the younger two ever stay with the older two? My 16 year old used to love a bit of baby sitting money.

Organise a babysitter!

But he's said you're welcome to come, are you sure he's got the kids that night or have you just assumed with it being his normal night?

He hasn't actively invited you but I suspect he wants to go out and have a good time with his mates, which is a different vibe to going out with your mates and your partner.

But he shouldn't have just assumed you would look after the kids... can't you clarify it with him?

i did ask him about it and he just said I have the kids so you can’t come

Say what? Surely the solution is that you go? After all he can't make it, he has his children that night.

Or maybe he could organise one for his own kids?

Are you serious? He told you that YOU couldn’t come because you’re watching HIS kids? Don’t be a doormat

He’s just not that into you

I would be furious about this.
He specifically hasn’t invited you because he needs you to look after HIS children. The cheek of it.
I would be telling him he needs to find a sitter for his kids as you have other plans.

I think you need to make this a learning moment. He needs to be politely called out on his selfishness and his presumptions.

Options:

• Tell him that you will be attending the retirement party to support your ex colleague and so if he wants to attend he needs to organise himself a babysitter for his children (Don’t let him delegate this to you - he books a sitter and pays for them).
• Or you make other plans for the same evening. Again he is solely responsible for childcare for his children.

You absolutely need to put your foot down and make him realise that you are not his servant or Nanny.

Does he often expect you to look after his kids?

When is the event? Make sure you're out of the door that night before he is.

YANBU!

What a selfish tool, for not inviting you and for assuming you'd be there to look after HIS kids.

Express your feelings, and ask him to get a babysitter for the kids. You should go!

Goodness you are being way too accommodating over this. How dare he just assume you will watch his kids and miss out on a retirement do for a colleague you would otherwise have gone to. I would tell him you are going and he needs to find a babysitter.

This is not nice at all OP. You are not being silly or unreasonable.

I think you are reasonable to feel left out and wish he'd been more considerate. It was very thoughtless of him not to invite you, though probably not intentionally mean.
You need to tell him you want to go to the party and sort out child care; ideally he would do that, but perhaps he wouldn't get on with it quickly enough. Either paying your older children or finding a babysitter.

Tell him to get a babysitter, since you should be invited and nobody who you’re in a relationship with has asked you to look after his kids instead. You’re not a second tier person because HE has kids.

I would mention you've had numerous texts from ex colleagues asking if you're going and looking forward to seeing you.

Then he shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship from someone at his work and be organising parties for people his partner knows too should he??

Sounds like there’s an important consequence he needs to deal with very quickly - the fact he has his kids that night he chose and needs to find someone to look after them.

dont be passive like this. If you say this, you need to follow it up with it was pretty shit if you to decide I don’t get invited because you’ve planned for me to look after your kids without even asking me. I’ll be going to the party and you need to work something out for your kids. Don’t ever just cut me out of something I should be at again because I’m in a relationship with you.

This!

He's an entitled so and so just assuming you'll mind his DC.

Exactly this, surely the 15 and/or 16 year olds could babysit for a bit of cash? I did babysitting for 8-10 year olds at that age, easy money. Obviously he will have to ask them himself.

I'd be telling him you are going out that night so he'll have to organise a child sitter for his kids. I'd mean it too and go out an hour before he left so he has to sort it for his kids. Even if I just went and had a coffee somewhere. How dare he just assume you'll stay home looking after his kids whilst he goes out having all the fun.

Take your 2 kids bowling or to the cinema and make him sort out his own kids. If he says he'd thought you'd have had them tell him you'd have thought you'd have been invited to ex colleagues night.