Dh tried to involve Dd, 6, in our argument

[Therehastobeabetterway]

I’ve been ill in bed for a couple of days, any time I am, Dh gets all stressed and angry at me. Yesterday I was asleep all day, literally couldn’t get up and he kept coming up and waking me saying we needed to go to the Drs so he could get a note for work or I needed to come downstairs and sit up, so he could see if I was well enough for him to go to work or not as he had to tell them. I just needed sleep. It happens each time i’m ill, I cannot be ill and recover.
I felt a bit better this morning, so texted down ti him that he could go to work. He said how they were both exhausted after me being in bed for two days (it was one) and how hard it’s been looking after Dd and answering calls from work as to where he is. I just lost it and wrote back how selfish he was, how much pain i’m in, how it happens in all families and they cope and don’t shout at the partner and can cope etc. I said lots of home truths.
I then heard him smashing around and saying how he was going to show Dd the messages and calling to her, he was all emotional and crazy. I ran downstairs to get Dd calmly, she walked in and he started saying to her to see the messages, I said no come on, guiding her upstairs, Dd shouted and said to stop being mean to mummy. Luckily got her upstairs and I said daddy was being silly and parents argue sometimes etc, we then played. She seemed ok, but how do I know for sure and where do I go from here?

Who the hell includes their child in things like this?

You don't seem to have any empathy for him about his clear stress about missing work - is his employment secure? What happens if he loses his job?
Not saying he isn't an asshole for bringing your DD into it, but if you decide to stay with this man maybe talk to him about his job and how to better manage when you are next ill and he needs to miss work.

What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he look after his child for one fucking day without throwing a tantrum, whilst his wife is throwing up into a bucket from her bed?

I don’t want to upset you OP, but this man doesn’t like you. He certainly has no respect for you or any care.

Wow, have you considered offering your diagnostic skills to the NHS ? Sure they’d be delighted to have someone who can diagnose over the internet without ever having met the patient !!

Lucky that DH works such long and unpredictable hours that taking to my bed isn't an option?

At least we all agree the DH is a dick.

This I honestly couldn't be with a man like that

YANBU. Some of these comments are absolutely ridiculous and victim blaming. If you're ill, you're ill. I would have snapped at him the first time he woke me up from a sleep I needed. Is he often like this?

Is life much nicer now, did you meet someone else?

My standards are too high now and I've been happily single for over 4 years. If I meet someone decent, great. If not, also great.

But yes, life is much nicer without the manchild. I can focus all of my energy on my actual children, who are growing up fast. My 10 year old will overtake his dad soon in the independence stakes. 😂

What a fucking useless arsewipe he is. Can’t even look after his own child for a day.
And then abusive to both you a the child.

I feel for you OP. But this is the kind of post that makes me thankful to have never married. The bar for men is so low.

The op is ill. She don't have to explain or validation her illness or just How ill she is. She's in bed. Sick. Being sick. Feeling sick. Sore. Not able to function. Miserable. Exhausted. Needs to rest. Needs left the fuck alone to get better.

Who tf thinks there's limits on how sick she is allowed to be? If she was on her own she would have to cope and get on with it. But she's NOT.
She has an able bodied highly functioning adult male living with her who is JUST AS CAPABLE of doing household chores. Looking after his child. Cooking cleaning and organising childcare if he needs to. Very capable.
So why are all you lot making this the ops prob? You are all enabling men to act like spoilt bastards the minute the woman can't run around him like a maid, nanny or sex worker. Heaven help he has to change a bloody plan.
Op was sick one bloody day and she is mentally abused as was her child.
People querying why she was texting downstairs instead of asking why her husband is an abusing prick!!

Do you think Dh should speak to Dd to reassure her, if so what should he say?
Or is it better to leave it? Which is better for her?

No, people drop their kid at school feeling like shit, sleep during the day, collect them, give them a snack and an oven dinner and rest on the sofa while the kid watches TV.
Laying in bed the entire day to the point their partner needs to be off work is ridiculous, it might not be pleasant being ill but the absolute basics need doing.
I'm sure it would be different replies if a man was laying in bed repeatedly for illnesses to the point the woman's risking her job but saying he didn't even need to go to the GP.

I’m under the hospital for it, I went to the Drs a long time ago

I hate those replies where posters say they have never been ill in bed, and if she is ill enough to be in bed for a couple of days, she should go to hospital (wtaf?!?!?). Shocker: people have different experience of illness, and pain. People have different underlying health concerns or conditions that mean they react differently. Look at covid - it ranges from just a cold / people not knowing they have it, all the way to hospitalisation and death.

Some people manage out of bed because they have no choice (eg single parent with a toddler) but the OP does have a choice.

I get people saying it must be annoying if it happens frequently...but that doesn't mean it's the OPs fault, or that she isn't doing her best to manage it, and doesn't excuse the OPs husband waking her up when she is trying to sleep (which will likely just prolong her illness) or act like it's such a massive imposition to have to wfh and look after a 6 year old for 1.5 days. Yes it's not exactly fun but it's hardly 'exhausting'.

My husband and I look after our kids solo for work trips, when one of us is ill (usually me) when one of us has a bereavement, when one of us has other stuff on. It's tiring yes but that's what you do when you're in a partnership, you pick up the slack when the other one is struggling. If it's every man for himself, and you're not supposed to do more than your agreed share even when your partner is ill...then what's the actual point (different if its something self inflicted like looking after kids all weekend because partner is consistently going out drinking or staying up late gaming etc)

Honestly I think what’s better for her is not growing up with your husband being the role model for how a husband should be.

Would you want her to marry someone like him ?

And I've been ill this Jan. I spent pretty much a week in bed. My husband did all pick ups, drop offs, sorting kids food, homework, parties, clubs. And a lot of their cooking even though he hates it. And offered to do their bedtimes as well (I could manage this as lying down). He is tired but hasn't moaned once just says he is glad it happened when he wasn't meant to be away with work and glad I'm getting better. Not saying this to make you feel bad but just to show that not all people think like some of the posters on here or your husband

She’s not enduring anything else

That is the shitiest of shit behaviour. Really low.
He couldn’t multi task for one day ? And your dd us six, it’s not like he was preparing bottles and nappy changing. Does he have any redeeming features.

No I don’t

But, in the immediate, until I get things sorted? I just want to ease this for her as much as possible

Can you tell me what else she’s enduring, I will sort all of it

Well ideally yes he should apologise, say he was wrong and wasn’t being nice to either of you.

Will he ?

He isn’t going to start behaving like a good parent and partner so don’t waste your time fantasizing about it. That is basically rearranging the deck hairs on the Titanic.