To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

I would definitely contact the police. His behaviour is intimidating, unacceptable and abusive. Don’t wait for him to up his game.

I’m so sorry to read you and your daughter are going through this OP. The unpredictability of the situation must be very scary. Sadly there is an epidemic of violence against women and girls so I would urge extreme caution.

I don’t want to scare you but when a relationship ends can be a very dangerous time for the woman. There are warning signs and normally escalating behaviours. I’d suggest both you and your daughter read Jane Monckton Smith‘s book In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder

and look at the 8 stages she’s has identified. Really hope everything works out for you both.

This recently happened to a friend of mine, same age and similar responses (only he was a lot nastier). He is currently awaited a court appearance for criminal damage. It is likely that this might escalate. Please make sure the Police take you seriously.

100%.
This is abusive behaviour. . Contact the police and make sure it's all documented.

He will most certainly escalate this with future relationships and the more that his behaviour is documented, the better.

This is hopefully a luck escape for your daughter but someone else's daughter may end up harmed or killed.

seek advice from Women's Aid etc for safety planning x

You are an enabler. This is an adult man harassing women.
Take your pick me attitude and fuck right off

Hear, hear. 👏

Carrol, Hannah, and Louise Hunt were killed in their home by Louise's ex boyfriend.

I would report him to the police.

I would be reporting this to his parents.

Be very careful. My daughter's ex stalked her - he was 19. We knew him and had really liked him. It escalated over six months. Police kept threatening to arrest him "if he did one more thing" - they kept pulling him in for a chat, where he assured them it would stop only for him to just start back up again.

These guys are not acting rational. They are working on some crazy alternative universe.

Ex was eventually charged with stalking and everyone thought he would be convicted. But the magistrates basically decided to give him another chance. It was another "if you had done just one more thing" - they actually said that. But he was given a 2 year restraining order so they obviously thought he needed something.

Anyway, please read up on stalking and make sure you all stay safe x

Yes, it is all over the news right not that Britain is experiencing an epidemic of violence against women.

That is very bad advice. Check out Alice Ruggles

When my daughter was being stalked by her 19 year old ex, we did not contact his mother. The police told us to have no contact with the family at all. It was hard as we had known his mum and sisters quite well. For one thing it can escalate the perpetrator, who now has the embarrassment of his family knowing, which can make them even angrier and now have them angry with the mother too (they never take it out on the dad!).

And tbh the perpetrator's mother is often scared of him too. We hadn't realised but the young man we thought we knew was quite horrible to his mum and our daughter kind of knew it but never said.

This may be the case . I’m saying as a parent I would like to know how my son was behaving towards a girl/women, they may not be aware that he is doing such a thing.I would certainly be embarrassed and shocked that I had bought my son up to act like that towards any woman.The trouble is with society no one speaks out against men or women behaving in a coercive manner even if they are scared of person / family members etc.

Im saying police should also be contacted and informed that his family have been made aware of how he has acted and then let them do their job stopping the lad / or anyone else from contacting the mum and daughter

Yes, involving the police is the way to go.

It is difficult when dealing with an adult to contact their mum. We felt that the age thing made it inappropriate to call his mum. Our daughter, who was 18 and so also an adult, was also vehemently opposed to us getting involved. So we felt we had to abide by her wishes too.

Turned out there was a lot she hadn't told us and she was genuinely worried for our safety if we antagonised him. For a while I was terrified he would poison the dogs or set the house on fire, seriously itxwas a situation that required deescalation, not ramping him up.

We knew that he would be telling his mum nothing and it was tempting to want to tell her, but she was already wary of him. Parents were separated and he only listened to his dad, who we didn't know. She had no useful influence.

Not in my friends case. Exactly the same scenario and her daughter was murdered by her ex. She was 15 he was 17. WTF makes you think this is NOT a reportable incident????? It’s dangerous controlling behaviour from a MAN……NOT A KID!!!!

This all sounds scary and he sounds unhinged. He clearly has some issues to work through and I can't help but pick up some unhealthy vibes. I think you and your daughter should stop contacting him to let him cool down. End the dialogue so neither of you will say anything that might set him off. No-one knows what he's like and what he's capable of, but like all of us he needs to process the end of the relationship and work through it. Let's just hope he's nothing like Holly Newton's ex.

Yah all the mothers saying tell his mother and she will sort it.

I don't think so. Either she's totally ineffectual to produce a bloke like this or has little to do with him.

Police. Mothers of men like this have every reason to downplay it.

Log with police, keep messages says my DH, police officer.

I just watched 24 Hours in Police Custody where the victim had hundreds of calls with voice changer and messages from her ex, including death threats/messages purportedly from her about having killed her dc. He got a 3 year custodial sentence, frankly not enough, imo.

Go to the police with your daughter, be insistent that you have an incident number. Hopefully in the last 7 years (when I left my abusive ex-husband) the police have improved. Don't unblock him as suggested by a pp as this could escalate the situation further and make sure your dd has no contact with him or responds to any messages/texts.

Please for the love of God go to the police. Why on earth would you not - this is exactly the sort of behaviour displayed by men who go on to murder women.

Unless he has threatened you, why would you go yo the police. Its not illegal to blame you and voice these thoughts.

It is harassment and is illegal

Jesus Christ. He doesn’t need to threaten in words, the behaviour says everything. It’s harassment and of course it’s illegal.

I agree with other posters on here.
I would report this to the police keep messages and anything else he has done .
I'd also let him know he has been reported.
Does he have parents or family near by that are approchable.

If you "voice thoughts" at people who don't want to talk to you, and do it in an aggressive way, it very rapidly becomes illegal.