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Original poster

To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

605 replies

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

OP posts:
Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:38

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 30/01/2025 06:24

I would be quite concerned actually and would be saying if he contacts either of you again you will be filing a police report for harassment.

I think giving him a bit of a scare is necessary as clearly he enjoys and thinks it's okay to harass and bully women.

Young men are extremely entitled these days. Social media red pill influences don't help one bit.

You have a cheek don't you, both are very entitled in there own way, but I'd argue it was far more so young women who are the entitled ones, however this little arsehole is a piece of work and I don't thing he would have pulled this trick if a man was around.

NurtureGrow · 31/01/2025 21:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

NurtureGrow · 31/01/2025 21:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 31/01/2025 21:44

Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:38

You have a cheek don't you, both are very entitled in there own way, but I'd argue it was far more so young women who are the entitled ones, however this little arsehole is a piece of work and I don't thing he would have pulled this trick if a man was around.

Show quote history

Oh, bless.

HeyThereDelila · 31/01/2025 21:48

Contact his parents and block him on every app. Keep copies of everything and pass messages to the police. Sadly young men nowadays are often misogynistic, entitled and aggressive. Your daughter is well rid of him.

MeTooOverHere · 31/01/2025 21:48

Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:38

You have a cheek don't you, both are very entitled in there own way, but I'd argue it was far more so young women who are the entitled ones, however this little arsehole is a piece of work and I don't thing he would have pulled this trick if a man was around.

Show quote history

How many kids are you a parent to?

Luddite26 · 31/01/2025 21:52

Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:38

You have a cheek don't you, both are very entitled in there own way, but I'd argue it was far more so young women who are the entitled ones, however this little arsehole is a piece of work and I don't thing he would have pulled this trick if a man was around.

Show quote history

'A man being around' didn't stop Kyle Clifford killing commentator John Hunt's wife and two daughters.

MeTooOverHere · 31/01/2025 21:57

OneBadKitty · 30/01/2025 07:10

I think it's ridiculous to call the police because a teenager who is feeling hurt sent you a message on instagram and tried to call his girlfriend who dumped him. This is not dangerous behaviour, it's the behaviour of a young man who is feeling rejected, hurt and experiencing the loss of a relationship for the first time.

Just block him and don't respond. Unless he's threatening to harm you then calling the police is an over-reaction and MN often advise this for minor things which in reality are not going to get any action from the police. He'll get over it and move on no doubt.

Unless he's threatening to harm you then calling the police is an over-reaction

He tracked down her mother on Instagram and sent her 2 messages blaming her and telling her she's pathetic and a host of other insults.

That sounds threatening to me.

EmBear91 · 31/01/2025 22:01

OneBadKitty · 30/01/2025 07:10

I think it's ridiculous to call the police because a teenager who is feeling hurt sent you a message on instagram and tried to call his girlfriend who dumped him. This is not dangerous behaviour, it's the behaviour of a young man who is feeling rejected, hurt and experiencing the loss of a relationship for the first time.

Just block him and don't respond. Unless he's threatening to harm you then calling the police is an over-reaction and MN often advise this for minor things which in reality are not going to get any action from the police. He'll get over it and move on no doubt.

You do realise that domestic abuse is now an epidemic in the UK & a woman a week is killed by a current or former partner right? Posts like this are very ignorant, especially in the current climate that we are living in. The reason that potentially dangerous situations like this are not taken seriously enough stems from this kind of attitude.

Theeffingcleaner · 31/01/2025 22:26

Has his parent/parents been made aware of his appalling behaviour towards your daughter and yourself? For one I would let them know if possible how their son has acted and show all of conversations, missed calls, threats etc. If my son behaved like this towards a girl I would hope that the girl involved would have the courage to tell me. Parents need to know and get involved to nip this horrible coercive behaviour from this lad asap.
As others have said report to the police so they are aware of his insane behaviour towards you both. I hope your daughter takes measures to stay away from him for good and in the mean time makes sure she is with someone at all times incase he turns up. Do not ignore his erratic behaviour put things in place to protect your daughter. You never know what he could be capable of doing,

McHot · 31/01/2025 22:31

Not read the whole thread but it sounds very alarmist. Block and move on. Yes he's very entitled to message you but then again you are using instagram and contactable so he's using a teenage way of communicating on an app.

Police would at best call him and tell him to pack it in and that would either help or make it much worse, depending on his level of audacity. Don't pour oil on it at this stage. Grey rock. Hopefully he'll move on quickly like most men and certainly teenage men.

GreatFish · 31/01/2025 22:32

My daughter had same problem with an ex who was clever enough to send messages over Snapchat which deletes after so long.This was evidence she could not prove of his threatening behaviour.Save all messages,phone calls on your phone and your daughters and go to the police.This is harassment and can cause serious mental issues in the long run.It needs to be stopped.

TuesdayQ · 31/01/2025 22:37

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

This is just awful. I hope your daughter is safe and he wasn't too unkind during their relationship. Be gentle with her, as she may open up to you over the coming months.

As an aside, and nowhere near the same, but I got a similar message from my son's ex girlfriend's mother when he called it off with her daughter... Ironically for just acting just like her mother 🤷🏼‍♀️

RogueFemale · 31/01/2025 22:45

Curtainqueen · 30/01/2025 07:29

Personally I wouldn’t tell him you are going to report it to the police. Firstly it might inflame the situation but also It will have more impact if he isn’t expecting it. Just get it on record so that if it does escalate you’ve got a trail of evidence from the beginning.

Agree. I would block on phone/online anywhere and simply report to the police.

Tahlbias · 31/01/2025 23:03

I hope your daughter is ok? Please be careful and record, log and report anything?

shuggles · 31/01/2025 23:10

@123dontcomeatme A future thug in the making, clearly.

WorkItUpYourBangle · 31/01/2025 23:19

Block block block. DO NOT engage him whatsoever, ever. Pretend he no longer exists and move on. Your daughter made a lucky escape so just focus on teaching her how not to choose a scumbag like this ever again.

Ariana12 · 31/01/2025 23:20

This sounds like criminal behaviour please don't feel inhibited about reporting it straightaway.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 01/02/2025 00:02

Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:38

You have a cheek don't you, both are very entitled in there own way, but I'd argue it was far more so young women who are the entitled ones, however this little arsehole is a piece of work and I don't thing he would have pulled this trick if a man was around.

Show quote history

Yes, he would.
Stalkers don't care if men are around.
They're just entitled and dangerous human beings.
And almost all stalkers are male.

ThisBrickOtter · 01/02/2025 00:13

The cesspit of the internet is giving a rather weighty chip on the shoulder of many young men.

It's a simmering tragedy that occasionally boils over into acts of physical violence.

Lots of good advice here already. I will add to it to sit with the feelings and really and feel them.

There's deep tides of misogyny that are being intentionally cultivated to a degree we've not really experienced before in human history (hellllooooooo online porn).

Equipping yourself, your daughter and non porn brained men to see it is a powerful yet horrible tool to work with.

CynicalRaven · 01/02/2025 00:19

I don’t think there’s much the police can do at this point, except maybe instilling enough fear that the kid will rethink what he thinks he’s doing. Sounds to me like he has some control issues and he will only get worse. If she was my child I would do some research to find books about partners abuse. “Why Does He Do That” is the best book I know of. Just please don’t assume your daughter will never be with him again.

FindingNeverland28 · 01/02/2025 02:23

I would make the police aware, but I’d also make his parents aware. Perhaps take screenshots and forward them, with ‘I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Charles and Diana recently broke up. I have just received these messages from Charles, which I’m sure you can agree are very unlike him and a bit concerning. I just wanted to let you know, as you may want to keep an eye on him. I have made the police aware, as I’m sure you can understand I am now concerned for Diana’s safety. I hope Charles feels better soon. I’m sure he’ll be mortified about his actions once everything settles down.’

Psipsinas · 01/02/2025 07:35

Definitely report it to the police now. This may be part of a pattern of behaviour by this young man, they may already have information about him. If not , they will have this on file and if he does it again, to you , your daughter or another young woman they will start to build a picture that may lead to a domestic abuse disclosure in the future and protect someone else from his behaviour.

laraitopbanana · 01/02/2025 08:08

Hi op,

you are right. But not just unacceptable, worrying indeed. Well done on your daughter for seeing/ending things at that stage. I would suggest:

  • you answer and tell him that any further messages to you AND your daughter will be reported to the police
  • Write everything happening with dates in case you need them
  • find a psy in case she want to talk about it and have strategies to avoid or spot earlier peop like him.