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Original poster

To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

605 replies

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

OP posts:
Coldcoffeeclub · 31/01/2025 19:20

123dontcomeatme · 31/01/2025 17:45

Nothing to update, he's not back in the country until the early hours of tomorrow and he's blocked from everything.

Do has told a lot of people who have all been very supportive and she's doing well.

We have discussed what we are going to do if he turns up and will keep talking and I'll keep supporting her.

She's doubtful he will try anything and to be honest, I can't call it either way.

Have you done a Clares Law request with the police (assuming you're in the UK) it may be that speaking with them you find he's done similar and they take it more seriously? They should take it seriously anyway but you know what I mean!

theallotmentqueen · 31/01/2025 19:20

This is really horrible, and super creepy. It's also completely stupid on his part - you have excellent physical proof of his harassment. As others have said, text him telling him to leave you alone, and say that you will report any further contact to the police.

Iceandfire92 · 31/01/2025 19:20

WinterGold · 31/01/2025 18:20

Following with interest.

My adult DS finished with his fiery GF last week - it’s been an on off drama for well over a year. He gave her his reasons why there was no going back, once they’d both had the opportunity to calm down following the final big row. But similarly, she has continued to bombard him with begging and pleading messages, so much so he’s had to block her on every channel. She is slightly older than him and is her early thirties, so old enough not to be behaving like a teenager. Because she isn’t getting any further responses from DS, she’s now messaging all his friends trying to get them to speak to DS on her behalf but they’ve all told her they’re not getting involved.

Thankfully and hopefully, not as threatening or intimidating as that being experienced by the OP and her DD.

I'm not relating this to the OP's post as that young man does sound rather terrifying and she should consider reporting him to the police if this is not an isolated event. However, it's a massive co-incidence how the DS's and DD's of the posters in these scenarios are almost always the blameless victims. I feel if you asked your DS's ex's mother about their relationship she'd probably tell you that your son ghosted her after a row. A lot of relationships in late teens and 20's can be extremely volatile with drama on both sides.

Lolalady · 31/01/2025 19:28

Make sure you have screenshots of all the messages then block him on whatever he is using to contact you. Go to the police. Without scaring your daughter she needs to be careful when out and about to ensure he’s not stalking her. If it persists you need a restraining order against him. Please do not ignore this - if he has this type of mentality it needs sorting before he goes on to do some real damage to a girl.

Itsme3167 · 31/01/2025 19:33

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

Please be very careful here. I’m not sure if you read about it but my friends daughter was murdered in Hexham by her ex boyfriend. He had the same sort of traits. She was only 15 years old and had her whole life ahead of her x

greengreyblue · 31/01/2025 19:37

Block him. Do you know his parents? I’d give them the heads-up too. If he carries on I’d call police.

StMarie4me · 31/01/2025 19:38

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:38

I've blocked him so he can't message me, so that's the end to that. When my daughter wakes up ill see what's happened overnight with her and go from there.
If I have to threaten the police I will.

I'll also ensure she has screenshots of everything including call logs..

I feel so awful for her and just can't get my head around it.

I had this from a 44 year old man to me. I reported to the police. They went and had a word. Never heard another thing.

Tell the police.

HardyCrow · 31/01/2025 19:45

Deetelves · 30/01/2025 07:13

Totally disagree… so many women and girls are gettting abused, hurt and murdered by men showing these EXACT traits.

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Agree Deetelves

pebbles8811 · 31/01/2025 19:50

This sounds like my mums partners son he’s same age and his gf not long broke up with him and he’s been constantly phoning and texting her, walking up to her house to try and win her back but he’s an abusive little cunt physically and verbally and I’m happy his gf broke up with him because I’d hate for her to go through what he’s put my mum through.
makes me wonder if it’s the same kid @123dontcomeatme is his name Taylor 🤨

oldmoaner · 31/01/2025 19:52

Report it to police immediately. I had similar happen, police told me not to open door if he came to house and ring them immediately. Once youve reported it at least they can offer advice. He could have mental health problems you don't really know. But whatever, report it. I'm sure if there's a man in the house they think about doing these things,but they know there's not so they think they can bully girls to go out with them. I really hope she keeps well away from him from now on.

RecklessGoddess · 31/01/2025 19:54

Both of you should have blocked him on your phones, as soon as you realised he was getting abusive. Now, you should make sure you don't delete anything he's said, and go to the police, tell them you are now both scared for your lives. You only have to look at the poor mum and 2 daughters, who were all killed by an ex-boyfriend of one of the daughters, to know that it could easily turn really bad if its not dealt with early on. Obviously, I am not saying that he would do something like that, just that it's not completely unheard of. Whatever you do, I hope you get it dealt with soon 🌹🌹

SnoopysHoose · 31/01/2025 20:06

Report this to the police, too many cases like this escalate into him attacking the woman.

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 31/01/2025 20:08

The thread posted earlier certainly isn't dd''s ex boyfriend. He's left school and is currently on a city break.

His name isn't taylor either.

We aren't scared for our lives, it's not that dramatic. We are slightly concerned about what he might do when he's back in the country and with the quick escalation and his anger.

He's been blocked from everything but dd has just received a friend request from him. She's screenshot and just left it there. She said if she deleted it he could just send another, but if it's sat there nothing happens.

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 31/01/2025 20:09

Itsme3167 · 31/01/2025 19:33

Please be very careful here. I’m not sure if you read about it but my friends daughter was murdered in Hexham by her ex boyfriend. He had the same sort of traits. She was only 15 years old and had her whole life ahead of her x

Show quote history

I thought about her murder as soon as I read this. Absolutely awful. 💐

Luddite26 · 31/01/2025 20:11

I had a stalker in the mud 90s. It was horrendous and I didn't have a phone then or Social media.
I ended up moving 100 miles away. It can be relentless if it isn't stopped quick.

thescandalwascontained · 31/01/2025 20:19

I would be logging this with the police now, before he gets back. Tell him when he's arriving in the country, flight info, etc. Perhaps they can have a word when he lands...

Itsme3167 · 31/01/2025 20:25

I’m the same…..as soon as I read this the alarm bells started 😞

BlueFlowers5 · 31/01/2025 20:42

The danger point for DV is when a girl or women ends a relationship.
Please report his words/threats/unreasonableness to the police.
Advise your daughter to not be alone with him and to be careful of her movements.
Sorry you're going through this OP.

Fatcrab · 31/01/2025 20:43

123dontcomeatme · 31/01/2025 20:08

The thread posted earlier certainly isn't dd''s ex boyfriend. He's left school and is currently on a city break.

His name isn't taylor either.

We aren't scared for our lives, it's not that dramatic. We are slightly concerned about what he might do when he's back in the country and with the quick escalation and his anger.

He's been blocked from everything but dd has just received a friend request from him. She's screenshot and just left it there. She said if she deleted it he could just send another, but if it's sat there nothing happens.

I would put £500 on it is him on a second account....OR if its not him, its a close friend of hers. Im telling you....I watch waaaay to many crime shows....Its someone she knows.

Sally20099 · 31/01/2025 20:46

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:33

No male relative, single parent household.

It's really nasty, he was being really horrible tp her last night, he phoned her 25 times over the space of about 10 mins. She text him to stop and said she wasn't going to pick up, that's when he started messaging me.

She didn't dump him via text, but said to him they needed to talk about their relationship at the weekend. And then he went unhinged.

The calls were on top of the texts telling her to ' be a man and just fucking do it'

I'm so angry at him and horrified that he could speak to her like this. Then for him to start on me!

She said she couldn't meet him in person now as he doesn't feel safe.

I read all the time about male aggression towards women, but I am shocked by this.

Hi - I think most MN responses are over reactive and slightly hysterical “leave him now” type responses because DH was contactable for 5mins, but on this I have to say you cannot be over cautious. Log everything to date and then call the police on 111. They will want to hear from you. They need to catalogue his behaviour over time which could develop - if not on you, and your poor daughter, but on the next unsuspecting girlfriend. Then they can take more serious action if he repeats this pattern of behaviour. Help yourself out and also a future woman / women.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 31/01/2025 20:48

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 30/01/2025 06:24

I would be quite concerned actually and would be saying if he contacts either of you again you will be filing a police report for harassment.

I think giving him a bit of a scare is necessary as clearly he enjoys and thinks it's okay to harass and bully women.

Young men are extremely entitled these days. Social media red pill influences don't help one bit.

Totally agree. Your daughter dodged a bullet OP, I’d report him now. Without a warning.

littleorchard45 · 31/01/2025 20:58

This is definitely concerning behaviour and needs to be logged. It may just take a visit from the police to give him a fright so he backs off and understands this is not acceptable.

HardyCrow · 31/01/2025 21:01

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 31/01/2025 20:48

Totally agree. Your daughter dodged a bullet OP, I’d report him now. Without a warning.

Edited
Show quote history

This definitely.

Khayker · 31/01/2025 21:05

Report it to the police

Iceboy80 · 31/01/2025 21:34

Katesyd · 30/01/2025 06:30

Why does she need a man to sort it out??

Lol funny