To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

Report it. Zero tolerance to abuse by entitled and spoilt bats

hi @123dontcomeatme - this sounds so scary and sounds like you’ve done a lot of sensible things like blocking him.
I would definitely report him to the police there have been some scary incidents recently as people have noted.

Are you able to go anywhere this weekend - just take off and visit friends or stay in a hotel somewhere ? Maybe a neighbour could keep a look out or you could try and install a camera doorbell to see if he turns up. He may just stop and fizzle out but if he does ramp it up or become abusive you won’t be around.
good luck OP x

I couldn’t agree more, they likely won’t do much, but at least it will be recorded as a malicious communication. Don’t wait for more messages before you do it.

Don't delete his messages, keep a list and a diary of behavoiurs in case you need to inform the police. It's DV behaviour

Following with interest.

My adult DS finished with his fiery GF last week - it’s been an on off drama for well over a year. He gave her his reasons why there was no going back, once they’d both had the opportunity to calm down following the final big row. But similarly, she has continued to bombard him with begging and pleading messages, so much so he’s had to block her on every channel. She is slightly older than him and is her early thirties, so old enough not to be behaving like a teenager. Because she isn’t getting any further responses from DS, she’s now messaging all his friends trying to get them to speak to DS on her behalf but they’ve all told her they’re not getting involved.

Thankfully and hopefully, not as threatening or intimidating as that being experienced by the OP and her DD.

Agree with this!

Because a boy is more likely to listen to a man than he is to listen to a woman. A youth like this one doesn't feel nervous of a woman but he would probably back off when addressed by a man.

Also, if hes planning something else, and he hasn't been able to message he could turn up out of the blue. I'd like to be sure it's stopped if it were me.

My daughter's first boyfriend went nuts when she ended it. I was in the throes of separating from my husband and didn't handle it properly.
When she refused to talk to him, he started on me. He would send revolting messages, threatening to hurt her, her friends etc. His mother thought he could do no wrong.
Eventually, he took an axe to school (aged 15) and told various people he was going to kill her. Fortunately, one of the boys told staff. Police, suspension, poor James (!) etc followed.
My point being that young people can get so intense and don't cope well with relationships. Usually, nothing comes of it, but tell the police. I was trying to be nice; I should have gone to them immediately.

All of this

Maybe check out Claire’s law too!

Couldn’t agree more. Stop it now before he thinks he can keep doing it to women.

Yes he sounds unhinged and that’s potentially very dangerous for your daughter especially. Make sure she’s blocked him or he will mess with her head. And definitely report to the police.

@123dontcomeatme 25 calls in 10mins....then onto you. Nope, sorry....please familiarise yourself with coercive control, stalkers and escalating behaviour. 🚩🚩🚩

Nope this isn’t normal behaviour, this is entitled behaviour. It seems like there are a lot of parents not teaching their youngsters how to handle the big emotions of a break up and if you’re dismissing this abnormal behaviour that is no better as you’re normalising it.

It's a police matter - harrassment.

My son broke up with his girlfriend last year and she sent me a text message in the middle of the night. She was clearly very heart broken but I just answered and said I knew she was hurt but with the support of her family she would get through it.
The boy is extremely hurt so don't take any notice. He's lashing out and he is very young. Just be kind with your words.
Being hurt is part of growing up and he will get through it. We all did and we are here to tell the tale.
Maybe if you know his parents you could have a quiet word.

Sadly it seems he's a product of the world we now live in. Where men are full of entitlement, no respect and even if they have had a good upbringing - being charitable here - it's not enough.

I don’t understand why you won’t be contacting his parents? They might be obvious to his behaviour, I know I would want to know if my child was behaving like this.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter.

I think it important to go and visit the police station in person. This is serious.

This.

You should be logging this with the police it's unacceptable and could easily escalate when he is back in the country.
Don't wait for him to turn up. If it's logged and then if he turns up in theory they know the score.

I would absolutely be contacting the authorities about this. Don’t wait. Unhinged teens don’t tend to use calm rationale thought to de-escalate. Contact his mum and dad / school (if he is still attending). Your daughter has been lucky to get away when she did. Hope she (and you) are okay.

edit as I just read your responses to say he doesn’t have dad on the scene. If you know the mum / parent make it clear you will take action against him.

I would also call the police and ensure this is logged. Maybe if you have a local woman’s aid or similar you can get advice on what to do. If you don’t get taken seriously contact your local MP. I am afraid we have an epidemic of male aggression and misogyny. It is the news atm because it was one of the issues this government pledged to tackle. I don’t want to be alarmist but be vigilant and ask friends for help/keep your daughter close for a while. I’m sorry, it’s totally shocking and very worrying for you both x