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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

605 replies

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 30/01/2025 23:34

Assuming the minimisers are mothers of teen boys. No one is saying they are “all
like that” but depressingly in our society there are malign influencers that some boys fall for. So sad.

Can’t believe things have got worse don’t remember this being a thing when I was dating as a teen / early twenties. Then young men would slink off and lick their wounds with their pals as girls do now not lash out and attack the woman concerned verbally or physically.

Silvers11 · 30/01/2025 23:39

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:38

I've blocked him so he can't message me, so that's the end to that. When my daughter wakes up ill see what's happened overnight with her and go from there.
If I have to threaten the police I will.

I'll also ensure she has screenshots of everything including call logs..

I feel so awful for her and just can't get my head around it.

I wouldn't threaten to call the police - I would report it to them NOW. Not wanting to overly scare you, but John Hunt's family were murdered with a crossbow by the ex-boyfriend of one of his daughter's

This ex boyfriend sounds unhinged. Maybe the police talking to him will make him back off?

kattaduck · 31/01/2025 00:35

Cherry8809 · 30/01/2025 21:28

Honestly this.

It’s likely his first real break up, he’s had it sprung on him while he’s out of the country that they “need to talk” and he’s probably feeling discarded and frantic.

I struggle to understand the people saying “that’s very scary/so disturbing/call the police NOW”. Unnecessarily over the top.

Show quote history

How insulting his girlfriends mother or calling her 25 times normal?
I honestly don't know nor have never known any teenager to act like that. Probably because they all know what constitutes harrasment.
But now wonder we live in this society where male harrasment is extremely common when things like this are just dismissed .

Antefatal · 31/01/2025 02:13

You’re being unreasonable only insofar as the fact that you are shocked that a man would react this way. All the stories in the papers and firsthand from women aren’t lies, sadly. I wish you all the best. ❤️ Unfortunately this is the reality we are living in.
Report him. Better yet, find his mum and send her the screenshots.

Jumpingthruhoops · 31/01/2025 02:27

Katesyd · 30/01/2025 06:30

Why does she need a man to sort it out??

Because an 18-year-old lad is unlikely to 'bully' a grown man!? Whether you want to admit it or not, in scenarios like this, often a man's involvement is all that's required to get another guy to back off!

OssieShowman · 31/01/2025 03:20

Don’t hesitate. Police and apply for an Intervention order against him.
No contact from him will be allowed.
Had similar recently from a 37 y.o. Ex partner of my daughter.

user1492757084 · 31/01/2025 03:42

You need to lodge acomplaint with the Police.
Keep a copy of the abusive texts and messages.
Put themall in the report to the Police.
Have the report lodged.
Ask the Police to pay exbf a visit.

DdraigGoch · 31/01/2025 03:44

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 15:43

Sorry for the slow response, I have been at work.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond.

I actually shared this thread with dd, it really cemented that neither of us were over reacting and how unhinged and dangerous it is.

I am going to log it. He's been blocked from both of our phones in all the ways he could contact.

Dd is going to speak to her work so that security are aware when she's next in.

Someone came forward, another female, from his work to tell dd that she would no longer be speaking to him. It seems he launched a humiliating and bullying stream of intimate gossip about this girl and her boyfriend at work. People were horrified and let the poor girl know. She contacted him, asked him to stop and he refused. Her boyfriend then had to leave his work and ended up challenging him in the Isles at his work. He never told dd about this and she wonders given the behaviour how many other things are there, it's all quite worrying.

The only good thing is she is so disgusted that any feelings have gone and she doesn't feel upset.

I will be with her tomorrow and Saturday. Should he turn up or try to contact in any way, I'll call the police.

I'm not going to be contacting his parents.

More red flags than the USSR. Definitely warrants a police report ASAP and they can look at further steps such as prosecution or a DVPN. This is clearly not a one-off outburst in the shock of a break-up, he is clearly unhinged and needs stopping. The other woman ought to consider informing the police too, it may add to your case.

Plopandflop · 31/01/2025 04:21

i would message back and say I have contacted the police about this harassment and any further messages or communication to me or my daughter will be reported to them

Stopsnowing · 31/01/2025 05:56

This has already crossed a line. Take and keep screenshots etc, make a log, report to the police and if any more contact tell them to stop and that you have reported it.

coldscottishmum · 31/01/2025 06:20

There’s lots of useful info on this thread. I hope your daughter wakes this morning to no more messages and acceptance of the end of the relationship.
I hope you’re both ok. I would log this with the police as others have stated, just so there is a record of it.

PassingStranger · 31/01/2025 11:55

How's things now op?

SuzieQ300 · 31/01/2025 17:41

Tell his Mum

Original poster
123dontcomeatme · 31/01/2025 17:45

Nothing to update, he's not back in the country until the early hours of tomorrow and he's blocked from everything.

Do has told a lot of people who have all been very supportive and she's doing well.

We have discussed what we are going to do if he turns up and will keep talking and I'll keep supporting her.

She's doubtful he will try anything and to be honest, I can't call it either way.

OP posts:
Wendolino · 31/01/2025 17:47

A similar thing happened to me, my brother finished with his girlfriend and she blamed me. She told people I tried to stab her and other ridiculous lies and wrote a threatening letter to me (the days before sm). Like you, I had absolutely no idea why she blamed me as I had only met her twice and got on fine with her.
I don't have any suggestions apart from threatening to involve the police. That's what I did and she backed off.

ScartlettSole · 31/01/2025 17:50

Id have been straight to his door, the entitled little shit. Who does he think he is?! No wonder shes binned him! As others have said go to the police and report him.

AbitSceptical · 31/01/2025 17:52

nebular · 30/01/2025 06:57

I just want to come on to say I have had very similar recently, my 14 year old son ended the relationship, with a 14 year old girlfriend. The responses were off the scale including some things aimed at me, it escalated from your position and we did speak with the police. It's so scary and worrying. How is your daughter doing?

Similar story here, my 16 yo DS ended a 4 week ‘relationship’ with a girl his age and she went nuts, constantly messaging him, calling, sending me inappropriate messages, threatening to self harm, posting shit about him on social media but then calling and asking him to get back with her.

it was all very stressful but she stopped after a couple of weeks of ignoring and now has a new boyfriend (poor sod).

Her mum was very strange too, she’d send me multiple long WhatsApp’s and voice notes every day, over sharing personal information and being demanding. Think she probably had some kind of personality disorder.

Take care, OP.

SophieeeSabina · 31/01/2025 17:53

Please report to the police for 3 reasons.

If you feel unsafe you probably are and so is she.
Show him you will not tolerate bullying from the outset.
It might not give him a record but there will certainly be history that needs to be logged about him. He may have done this before and if left will probably do it again.

LouDeLou · 31/01/2025 17:55

Men MURDER their girlfriend's when they get dumped, please, please PLEASE tell her to watch her back for a bit! Don't go out late on her own, get cabs, make sure people know where she is.

And I know it seems like jumping the gun, but call 111 and report it, get it on record FROM THE OFF! if nothing else happens no harm done.

I'm so sorry.

fingerbobz · 31/01/2025 17:58

Get ring doorbell if you don't already have one

Wednesdayweirdosclub · 31/01/2025 18:00

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 07:02

I'm so sorry to hear that, and at 14!

And that it escalated too. It's just awful.

It was 25 calls and constant messages.

She's still asleep and I'm not going to wake her, but will assess when I know what's happened over night.

He's actually out of the country and not back until late Friday so we don't need to worry physically right now, that helps.

Show quote history

Remember that guy who shot the GF and her sister and mother with a crossbow? Do not wait. Tell the police now!

Fatcrab · 31/01/2025 18:02

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 30/01/2025 06:30

I would report this to police now. This is how stalkers begin.

This 👏🏼....and Stalking often escalates to M. Seriously, this is not ok and you should address it. Please look at the work that Laura Richards does.

Pussycat22 · 31/01/2025 18:02

He's a dangerous batshit looney. Some good advice on here. Please take care x

Kag13 · 31/01/2025 18:06

The police often also advise you to see a solicitor and apply for a non molestation order. Legal Aid is available for domestic abuse and she will probably qualify, so not have to pay.

Such an order can order him not to contact her or come near your home, and carries a power of arrest if he breaches it.

He will be required to attend (County Court) to answer for his behaviour and it’s a very quick and effective way of nipping this sort of behaviour in the bud.

A good family solicitor can represent and advise her. This man will only continue to behave in this way if he’s allowed to continue, if not towards her, then others.

Daleksatemyshed · 31/01/2025 18:12

The message from the girl at his work is really quite worrying @123dontcomeatme , I can't see what pleasure he got from humiliating her unless he wanted her for himself or is just a sadist, either way, your DD has made a very sensible decision to dump him.