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Original poster

To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

605 replies

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

OP posts:
maddening · 30/01/2025 12:49

Forward the messages to his parents and tell him and them that any further contact will result in a report of harassment to the police.

maddening · 30/01/2025 12:50

MissRoseDurward · 30/01/2025 12:49

id also be telling his mother/father if you know how to contact them.

If he behaves like this towards his ex gf's mother, how do you think he treats his own mother?

He's an adult. He needs to face adult consequences, not a telling off from his mummy.

It's not about a telling off - it destabilises the support on his side - limits his ability to run crying to mummy

MauryPeppertone · 30/01/2025 12:50

Chucklecheeks01 · 30/01/2025 11:50

I'm part of the criminal justice system. I would advise informing the police now. Phone the non emergency number and ask to speak to an officer who deals with DV. They will advise you what to do from this point.

Do NOT wait until it gets more serious. Protect yourself and your DD. Things like this escalate very quickly and its always better to be over cautious than under prepared.

I would report it too, We are hearing to often, of these situations escalating with disastrous affects for the women and their families.

Not the same situation, but I once said hello and spoke to a girl in a shop, who was with her Mum, who I hadn’t seen for a couple of years, now an older teen, possibly twenty at the time, but someone who we had taken on holiday before, and had picked up from school and taken home several times every week, and to other events with our daughter.

She found me in another shop after this, having spoken to me nicely in the first shop, and screamed at me, for speaking to her in public and upsetting her social anxiety.

I was shocked and horrified at being screamed at, but what person thinks that this is acceptable ?

Her social anxiety was clearly not preventing her from shopping, or any other activity according to my daughter who sees her on social media .
And she is working now, but was at Uni at the time.

I had thought that she was a nice girl, I was clearly mistaken.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/01/2025 12:50

@JoyousGreyOrca Not my experience in a harassment situation. I would certainly not be downplaying this at all. I'd be listening to the professionals on this thread. There has been so many cases in the news of escalating similar behaviour. Of course he might just bugger off but in the event that he doesn't (and OP mentions previous red flag behaviour) it would be better to have reported.

JoyousGreyOrca · 30/01/2025 12:50

MissRoseDurward · 30/01/2025 12:49

id also be telling his mother/father if you know how to contact them.

If he behaves like this towards his ex gf's mother, how do you think he treats his own mother?

He's an adult. He needs to face adult consequences, not a telling off from his mummy.

I agree. And for all you know this could be learned behaviour from his father. Don't assume all parents condemn their adult children's criminal behaviour.

MissRoseDurward · 30/01/2025 12:51

Forward the messages to his parents

FGS. He is an adult!!!!

Ohyay · 30/01/2025 12:52

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:12

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

Hi OP
Police here. I occassionally pop up to offer advice when I feel its needed.
I would call 101 and advise them of whats been going on. Unfortunately this behaviour often escalates or can be a gateway for further offences down the line.
Whilst teen heartbreak is tough his response is not acceptable. He has continued to message your daughter and yourself therefore he has committed two crimes of harrassment.
Neither of you need to give a statement. It can be reported and closed without him speaking to if you wish. I always advise to report as if things escalate the situation is time stamped and he cant accuse you of making up historical reports.
Screenshot all messages these will ensure they are time stamped on your device.
If he turns up at the address / approaches your daughter in public and she feels intimidated call 999.

Please take care.

JoyousGreyOrca · 30/01/2025 12:53

@TheFormidableMrsC Fine, Op can report it to the police and hope her local police take it seriously.

OOOtil2025 · 30/01/2025 12:54

123dontcomeatme · 30/01/2025 06:33

No male relative, single parent household.

It's really nasty, he was being really horrible tp her last night, he phoned her 25 times over the space of about 10 mins. She text him to stop and said she wasn't going to pick up, that's when he started messaging me.

She didn't dump him via text, but said to him they needed to talk about their relationship at the weekend. And then he went unhinged.

The calls were on top of the texts telling her to ' be a man and just fucking do it'

I'm so angry at him and horrified that he could speak to her like this. Then for him to start on me!

She said she couldn't meet him in person now as he doesn't feel safe.

I read all the time about male aggression towards women, but I am shocked by this.

Don’t wait. Or threaten. Make a police report now - even if they just give him a warning. He’s a nasty little prick who deserves a jolt to stop this behaviour which is stalking and completely unacceptable.

Birthdaycakewithwine · 30/01/2025 12:57

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 30/01/2025 06:24

I would be quite concerned actually and would be saying if he contacts either of you again you will be filing a police report for harassment.

I think giving him a bit of a scare is necessary as clearly he enjoys and thinks it's okay to harass and bully women.

Young men are extremely entitled these days. Social media red pill influences don't help one bit.

Not all young men are entitled!

Brefugee · 30/01/2025 13:16

JoyousGreyOrca · 30/01/2025 12:48

@Hotflushesandchilblains I advised doing nothing at the moment except screenshotting messages and blocking him, not because I am not taking this seriously. But because the police are unlikely to do anything. Certainly where I live they simply record and give you a crime number for all but the most serious crimes. If you live somewhere where the police will take this seriously, then sure report it.

Dangerous twaddle

Brefugee · 30/01/2025 13:18

maddening · 30/01/2025 12:49

Forward the messages to his parents and tell him and them that any further contact will result in a report of harassment to the police.

Don't mither another woman with this adult man's begmhaviour.

OP and her daughter Both need to report 5his

Brefugee · 30/01/2025 13:19

Birthdaycakewithwine · 30/01/2025 12:57

Not all young men are entitled!

Show quote history

FFS. Nobody said that.

Liveandletlive18 · 30/01/2025 13:21

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 30/01/2025 06:24

I would be quite concerned actually and would be saying if he contacts either of you again you will be filing a police report for harassment.

I think giving him a bit of a scare is necessary as clearly he enjoys and thinks it's okay to harass and bully women.

Young men are extremely entitled these days. Social media red pill influences don't help one bit.

Definitely this with bells on OP

CherryVanillaPie · 30/01/2025 13:21

Is this sort of thing becoming more common or are we just hearing about it more? It's worrying behaviour.

Liveandletlive18 · 30/01/2025 13:22

maddening · 30/01/2025 12:49

Forward the messages to his parents and tell him and them that any further contact will result in a report of harassment to the police.

This too.

penelopelondon · 30/01/2025 13:23

This young man fits the profile of dangerous psychopath. He's controlling, abusive, narcissistic, entitled, angry, lacks boundaries and any empathy. Record evidence of his stalking/harassment and go to police asap, you and your daughter are in danger.

Oreosareawful · 30/01/2025 13:23

Definitely go to the police with this, he won't get arrested at this stage, but he will get a talking too.

When I was 19 I dumped my controlling, possessive boyfriend and he hit the roof. He messaged me, left voicemails and started turning up in places where he knew I would be.
My parents house was up for sale at the time, and he was seen looking through the windows- presumably to check if we were still living there as I'd cut off all contact.

My parents encouraged me to report him for harassment and he was called into the station. I had given them evidence of texts and voicemails. The police gave him a stern talking too, and told him under no circumstances was he to contact me again.

It went quiet for several years, but through a friend forwarding a funny email to him, others and myself he managed to get my email address and messaged me.
I was much stronger at that point and told him myself that I would have him arrested if he so much as looked at me in the street.

I've never heard from him again.

Margorett · 30/01/2025 13:37

FedupMum2024 · 30/01/2025 06:27

Nasty little bastard.
Do you not have a male relative who can sort this one out for you?

and what do you suggest the male relative does ???

September1013 · 30/01/2025 13:41

Please report this to the police. This is the beginning of a pattern of behaviour by him that will escalate if left unchecked - potentially as far as murder. If you make a police report there is evidence to support his future victims and more chance of him being stopped.

Google statistics on intimate partner homicide in the UK if you need any more convincing.

Hedgingmybetching · 30/01/2025 13:46

I also agree to log this with the police now, do not let it escalate. If he's threatening his girlfriend's Mum that is pretty fucking unhinged and needs to be taken very seriously. Xx

PassingStranger · 30/01/2025 13:50

Keep yourselves safe.
Tell her not to let him.in the house if she on her own.
Read up on Ellie Gould 17 2019 case in Wiltshire please.

jenesaispaspourquoi · 30/01/2025 13:55

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 30/01/2025 06:51

Why are you or your daughter even entertaining this. Just block and move on. He’s pissed off, and has an avenue to message you something we never had when we were young. You’ll prob never hear from him
agaiin after this event.

Who has written this? Are you a male? I completely disagree and this makes me angry actually, suggesting they roll over and let the odious little shit proceed unchallenged. These behaviours are the thin end of the wedge and should be dealt with (by police) otherwise he will only escalate - either with the OP's DD or the next woman.

jenesaispaspourquoi · 30/01/2025 14:01

OneBadKitty · 30/01/2025 07:10

I think it's ridiculous to call the police because a teenager who is feeling hurt sent you a message on instagram and tried to call his girlfriend who dumped him. This is not dangerous behaviour, it's the behaviour of a young man who is feeling rejected, hurt and experiencing the loss of a relationship for the first time.

Just block him and don't respond. Unless he's threatening to harm you then calling the police is an over-reaction and MN often advise this for minor things which in reality are not going to get any action from the police. He'll get over it and move on no doubt.

You are wholly wrong. He may not "move on." And if he chooses not to what's his next step? Harassing the girl in person, more threats, violence?

And it was repeated calls ie harassing her not just calling a couple of times.

maddening · 30/01/2025 14:04

Brefugee · 30/01/2025 13:18

Don't mither another woman with this adult man's begmhaviour.

OP and her daughter Both need to report 5his

Show quote history

I said parents - assume he has a father - opening the eyes of people close to him who could help him dial back - he is an adult but a young adult and like the op can support her adult dd those parents can possibly give their son a reality check without the need to escalate. It also means he can't go there for sympathy.