To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

If I have to threaten the police I will.

Dont threaten, please do it. This kind of entitled behaviour needs to be stopped.

Can you still see the messages to screenshot them?
Take this to the police. Urgently

It is estimated that 1 in 10 people has personality problems. And most antisocial behaviour becomes apparent during teen years.
She is wise to stay away from him, as many violent atacks happen in the few months after breakups.

I think she should alert her friends that she feels unsafe about him si he won't collude with them to meet her unexpectedly.

I'm part of the criminal justice system. I would advise informing the police now. Phone the non emergency number and ask to speak to an officer who deals with DV. They will advise you what to do from this point.

Do NOT wait until it gets more serious. Protect yourself and your DD. Things like this escalate very quickly and its always better to be over cautious than under prepared.

Apologies, I wasn’t referring to you. I was a Magistrate for 10 years and I think I was a good one. If you explain the consequences of actions to someone, especially a young adult and they go ahead anyway then absolutely, they get whatever sentence they deserve. They need to understand the impact that their behaviour has on others and themselves. They may be unaware of the fear, and upset they are causing, but once made aware and they continue, then they should face stiff consequences. If convicted, following any punishment given, they need to realise it may hamper getting a job, a visa, a possible permanent record that will follow them and may need to be declared, even for a voluntary role and a hotheaded teen will not necessarily be aware of that.

An informal chat by police would hopefully do that brilliantly, and actually would be a great thing to educate at school, similar to the drugs talk the PCSO’s do. I have seen these scenarios end badly both ways, and feel that a low level intervention by parents/police and more education would be more efficient initially, to be rapidly escalated if they continue.

I would love to know your source for the 10% stats.

tell that to Holly Newton's Mum.

This is Andrew Tate inspired behaviour and needs to be taken seriously.

Even in England I think the police would pay him a visit and have words. They did for DD’s ex when she was in a similar situation and told him to stop contacting her or he’d be done for harassment.

id also be telling his mother/father if you know how to contact them. If this was a son of mine I’d be shocked and be wanting to discuss handling things better with him.

Thank you need to text HIS parents and send screen shots and tell them “have a nice day”

Report to the police right away, tell him so, and watch out for yourselves. Hopefully he is all mouth and no trousers (as my mum would say) but don't take a risk with these septic bro guys.

This is the type of male that police need to be monitoring.

He needs to be told by the police that he’s on their radar, so he doesn’t think he can move on to the next girl and do this to her.

I’d ask for him to be identifiable on the Clare’s Law scheme.

Yes, no threatening. Immediate paper trail.

there have been so many cases of (abusive) ex boyfriends going ballistic and stalking or hurting their ex partners. This is serious. Treat it as such @123dontcomeatme

otherwise your daughter will also think the offense isn’t that serious. It is!

I really think you should escalate this with a visit to the police @123dontcomeatme . When he doesn't get a response he may escalate. I wouldn't delay.

All this.

I'm sorry, OP. It's fucking awful.

Can I just say OP, you need to stop thinking of him as a boy. He is a man. A legal adult. I say this because if you think of him as a boy, which he is not, it can cloud your judgement.

It's just the level of entitlement young men have. It seems to be worse than when I was that age but we forget, don't we?

Ask the police to have a word with him .it usually scares them enough to back off.

I would not personally go to the police. I would screenshot the messages, block him on all social media and phones and advise your daughter to do the same. A high number of people will send ranty awful messages over social media, but will not do anything else. So statistically, the chances are that nothing else will happen.

If anything else does happen, then go to the police.

I would not respond at all. People are talking about giving "the little shit" a fright. It is just as likely to make him angry and provoke him to do more. Some of the advice on this thread is dangerous.
You could contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust for advice on what to do. But the usual advice is do not engage at all.

I think it's ridiculous to call the police because a teenager who is feeling hurt sent you a message on instagram and tried to call his girlfriend who dumped him

One message or one call you may have a point. 25 calls in a short space of time is harassment and concerning.

A high number of people will send ranty awful messages over social media, but will not do anything else. So statistically, the chances are that nothing else will happen.
If anything else does happen, then go to the police.

Just about every woman attacked or killed by an ex has had this thought. If nothing is done now he is being given the message that it is ok to do this. Its not, it is domestic terrorism. There is a reason why harassment laws came into place. And it is because, even if it does fizzle out, when it does not, the consequences are awful. And this is a young man who thinks relationships should work this way. Why just leave that alone? He needs to learn. And OP and DD deserve peace.

I really hope you don't have daughters if that's your attitude to abusive behaviour.

Perhaps read the posts from the actual police on this thread.

Was not my post, but GOV.UK has stats, as do WHO. If anything, 10% is a bit low.

It might be dangerous behaviour, it might not be. But OP has no way of knowing which.
I agree the police will do nothing though.

I'm a call handler on 101 calls. I would always advise that this kind of unhinged and abusive behaviour must be reported. I can guarantee you that he HAS committed a crime, and it will be taken seriously. Please ignore all the ignorant posters who are downplaying this - we all know that male violence towards females can escalate at an alarming rate, and a visit from a couple of officers might just be enough to frighten him into stopping this harassment.

Please call 101 and report this. They can book you an appointment if you want to speak to officers, or at the very least it will be logged, and if he keeps doing this there will be a record.

@Hotflushesandchilblains I advised doing nothing at the moment except screenshotting messages and blocking him, not because I am not taking this seriously. But because the police are unlikely to do anything. Certainly where I live they simply record and give you a crime number for all but the most serious crimes. If you live somewhere where the police will take this seriously, then sure report it.

id also be telling his mother/father if you know how to contact them.

If he behaves like this towards his ex gf's mother, how do you think he treats his own mother?

He's an adult. He needs to face adult consequences, not a telling off from his mummy.