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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s credit card bill half his monthly wages

151 replies

Byteatreeoil · 29/01/2025 22:05

My DH takes home about £4500 every month. However each month his credit card bill is over £2000 pounds. AIBU to want to know what this money is being spent on. I know there is usually some genuine household expenditure on his credit card but nowhere near as much as the bill. He stopped receiving paper statements years ago so I have no idea where most of this money is being spent on.

OP posts:
BigDahliaFan · 30/01/2025 07:52

Well it’s effectively a joint credit card if you are both paying it off. So ask him to get you a second card on that account….

Jmaho · 30/01/2025 08:16

If its the same sort of amount each month could it be that he has ran up a huge bill and the £2k per month is him trying to pay it back?
Just as an alternative thought as opposed to him actually spending this month every month

HairOfFineStraw · 30/01/2025 08:19

You can attach your Paypal to a credit card so think beyond just store transactions. Could he be funnelling money somewhere, paying someone, etc?

That said our CC is usually around 1300-1400 a month and we are a family of three, one car, and I walk to work.

Might be nothing suspicious but need a rebaselining of what household expenses are.

Gettingbysomehow · 30/01/2025 08:20

Do you not talk to each other about finances?

Seas164 · 30/01/2025 08:23

If you were running a business together you would have every right to expect financial transparency and this is no different. Whatever he's spending it on, he's repaying with your money and effectively taking £2k from you every month, unless you're also removing £2k a month from the joint account.

In addition, his refusal to be honest and up front is unreasonable. This is not a situation I would allow to continue.

Curtainqueen · 30/01/2025 08:26

VotingForYourself · 29/01/2025 22:23

Yes?

Show quote history

No?

k1233 · 30/01/2025 08:42

I've read it as he is paying his full credit card bill monthly.

So he starts the month in the red by 2k.
Spends his 4500 wage, which gets him back to 2k in the red by month end.

He's not reducing monthly spend to be eg 1800 balance and then 1600 balance etc

Basically, some time previously he's overspent but since then hasn't caught it back up again.

Is that right?

SillySeal · 30/01/2025 08:52

If you are pooling finances and the money for the bill is taken from the joint account I absolutely think you have a right to see it.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 30/01/2025 08:58

Why do people on here love to jump straight to drugs, women and secret families!?

£2k easily racks up.

TiredMummma · 30/01/2025 09:05

fivechairs · 29/01/2025 22:26

Am I misunderstanding OP? He spends £2k every month then pays it off out of the joint account?
Or he has a card with around £2k balance and pays the bill (£100 ish?) each month out of the joint account?

DH and I have joint finances, all our wages are paid into the joint account and all bills and any social thing we do together comes out of that joint account. However, we both also believe it's important to also have some personal financial freedom, so every month we have £300 each that gets transferred into our individual personal accounts to do with as we please. Maybe you need to do something like that so that if it's a personal credit card and you have no knowledge or control of what he's spending it on, he can pay it off out of his personal allowance.

We do this too...and then we just manage our own person spends.
I can't understand what on earth he is spending it on! 4500 would be an absolute dream to most people, I can't even imagine it.

I would hope he was giving to charity or it was a gym membership or something - £2k every month is so much and out of the joint account! I think you are entitled to know

museumum · 30/01/2025 09:09

I do all my online payment on credit card as it’s got more protection from fraud than my debit card.
Soubds obvious but why don’t you ask him what he’s spending on? Is he cagey about it? If my DH asked me I’d download a statement from the app for him to see.

Dishwashersaurous · 30/01/2025 09:16

I think that you need a proper discussion about money and bills.

So sit down and work out exactly what bills, food, kids activities, holidays, car etc. All joint expenditure is each month and then that goes in the joint account.

Then you each get fun money.

And stop paying the credit card from joint account because it confuses the situation

Octopies · 30/01/2025 09:18

I would want to know as you have a joint account with him. If he's in debt, he may eventually start mismanaging the account you share and affect your credit. Have you asked him what he's using his CC for? If it's living expenses and he's paying it off in full, I can't see why he'd have an issue sharing this information. If he's cagey, I'd think about closing down the joint account and making sure finances are separate.

TouchTable · 30/01/2025 09:24

Just waiting for OP @Byteatreeoil update when you've asked him why he keeps spending around 2k+ from your joint account. It could be nothing or something but you won't know unless you ask.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/01/2025 09:29

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/01/2025 22:29

Really??? Hard to pretend you’re not a drug dealer when you get arrested if there are loads of card payments from your customers. Sounds like a poor strategy to me.

Show quote history

Id assume they carry on some other business as a cover in this circumstance.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/01/2025 09:33

Dishwashersaurous · 30/01/2025 09:16

I think that you need a proper discussion about money and bills.

So sit down and work out exactly what bills, food, kids activities, holidays, car etc. All joint expenditure is each month and then that goes in the joint account.

Then you each get fun money.

And stop paying the credit card from joint account because it confuses the situation

This. Since it's being paid from the joint account a discussion of what it is is completely reasonable. He could easily get you added as an additional card holder so you could where the joint money was going.

Original poster
Byteatreeoil · 30/01/2025 09:48

Hi all. Thank you for your suggestions. Yes I have asked him to show me his CC bill and he says he is entitled to privacy and refuses. He mentions the odd thing that he has purchased for the house but that does not account for the full bill.

OP posts:
TouchTable · 30/01/2025 09:54

Then I'd be really suspicious and annoyed. If he pays it from your joint account, you're entitled to know what your money is spent on. If he doesn't want you to know, then he has to start spending/paying from his personal account.

Bjorkdidit · 30/01/2025 10:05

Byteatreeoil · 30/01/2025 09:48

Hi all. Thank you for your suggestions. Yes I have asked him to show me his CC bill and he says he is entitled to privacy and refuses. He mentions the odd thing that he has purchased for the house but that does not account for the full bill.

So what would happen if you also spent £2k on yourself on a credit card that was paid from the joint account? Can you afford to do this?

If so, make sure you also take £2k pm from the joint account, to spend and/or save as you wish.

If not, which is more likely the case, that's what you need to sort out with him - inequality in finances. That spare money is half yours so he doesn't get to take it all for himself, especially without a reasonable explanation.

L0bstersLass · 30/01/2025 10:13

Byteatreeoil · 30/01/2025 09:48

Hi all. Thank you for your suggestions. Yes I have asked him to show me his CC bill and he says he is entitled to privacy and refuses. He mentions the odd thing that he has purchased for the house but that does not account for the full bill.

@Byteatreeoil And therein lies the problem.
He is entitled to privacy, but not for items that the joint account is paying for.

So if his cc bill is £3000 and he's taking £2000 from the joint account, he should be able to say to you that he paid for x, y and z and they totalled £2000 and you should be able to determine wherther or no that is correct.

Otherwise, he's using the joint account cash to fund his lifestyle choices.
In our house, that's not what the joint account is for.

It's none of my husband's business how much my new shoes cost. I'm paying for that part of my credit card bill out of my personal account.

It is his business how much I've spent at Sainsbury's for food shopping, and what the takeaway bills amount to for the month and how much we spent at the garden centre when we had a trip out there, and the cost of the new vacuum cleaner for example.

Seas164 · 30/01/2025 10:16

Byteatreeoil · 30/01/2025 09:48

Hi all. Thank you for your suggestions. Yes I have asked him to show me his CC bill and he says he is entitled to privacy and refuses. He mentions the odd thing that he has purchased for the house but that does not account for the full bill.

Right then. If that's his line in the sand then you need to act accordingly. It's up to you whether you're happy to continue with this arrangement but I personally would not be. View it as a business arrangement. If your business partner was disappearing £500 a week out of the bank account and refusing to be transparent as to why you would have a problem with trust and this is no different. You're in the business of running a household together.

Set up a new bank account and get your salary paid into that and a standing order for half the household bills paid into the joint account.

£500 quid a week out of the joint account is not small change.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/01/2025 10:22

Byteatreeoil · 30/01/2025 09:48

Hi all. Thank you for your suggestions. Yes I have asked him to show me his CC bill and he says he is entitled to privacy and refuses. He mentions the odd thing that he has purchased for the house but that does not account for the full bill.

Then he needs to pay the bill from his personal account, not from the joint account. Either that or you take an amount equal to his credit card bill from the joint account every month and put it in your own account.

He can't have his cake and eat it.

0ddsocks · 30/01/2025 10:32

Sorry OP. It doesn't sound good... Biscuit

MoonWoman69 · 30/01/2025 10:32

Edited as I hadn't RTFT.
I don't have a credit card, it's too much of a temptation.
Quite honestly, if he's refusing to show you his cc statement, that would seem dodgy to me. That's an awful lot of money and it shouldn't be coming out of the joint account.

TouchTable · 30/01/2025 10:35

TheQuirkyMaker · 29/01/2025 22:45

I'm confused as to why so many people use credit cards. If someone spends only half their monthly earnings, and pay off the balance each month, why not just use a debit card instead of a credit card? We use debit cards, and put the surplus into our own high interest savings accounts.

Credit building for some.