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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s credit card bill half his monthly wages

151 replies

Byteatreeoil · 29/01/2025 22:05

My DH takes home about £4500 every month. However each month his credit card bill is over £2000 pounds. AIBU to want to know what this money is being spent on. I know there is usually some genuine household expenditure on his credit card but nowhere near as much as the bill. He stopped receiving paper statements years ago so I have no idea where most of this money is being spent on.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 29/01/2025 23:44

Credit cards are a very good way of managing money- we have Cashback card/nectar card and 0% foreign card pay off each month

but have total openess about what is spent and for the cashback and Amex nectar joint cards so both card holders

i find it madness that people use debit and not credit with all the advantages of using credit cards properly and sensibly

crumblingschools · 29/01/2025 23:45

We have a joint credit card and pretty much everything goes on there apart from direct debits and standing orders. We pay it off every month.

How do you pay for food, petrol etc?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/01/2025 23:46

Really??? Hard to pretend you’re not a drug dealer when you get arrested if there are loads of card payments from your customers. Sounds like a poor strategy to me.

That's why loads of businesses like barbers and nail bars are used for money laundering. You take card payments for drugs and pretend they're the income from those businesses. It's piss easy to get a card machine, even Big Issue sellers have them these days.

Anyway sorry OP, I'm derailing. Sounds very dodgy to me, I'd ask to see the CC statements. DH and I have joint cards and put everything on it, shopping, fuel, car services etc. so it can come to £2000 but we pay it off every month (we get points and then Waitrose gift vouchers).

namechanged221 · 29/01/2025 23:46

What is the point of spending on a credit card every month?

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2025 23:49

Obv you need to ask him to show the statement online /on his phone what he spends 2k on

Seamless11 · 29/01/2025 23:49

Deeperthantheocean · 29/01/2025 22:36

I would possibly also look into gambling. Xx

You can’t use credit cards for gambling in the UK. The law changed about 5 years ago.

StormingNorman · 29/01/2025 23:49

It seems to me that you’re annoyed about him having privacy around his spending. I find that attitude quite controlling and it’s something you might want to work on.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 29/01/2025 23:55

crumblingschools · 29/01/2025 23:45

We have a joint credit card and pretty much everything goes on there apart from direct debits and standing orders. We pay it off every month.

How do you pay for food, petrol etc?

I pay for food etc with my debit card as I don't have any credit cards any more as I don't want any debt hanging over me.

PensionedCruiser · 29/01/2025 23:58

TheQuirkyMaker · 29/01/2025 22:45

I'm confused as to why so many people use credit cards. If someone spends only half their monthly earnings, and pay off the balance each month, why not just use a debit card instead of a credit card? We use debit cards, and put the surplus into our own high interest savings accounts.

There are several reasons:

  1. Buyer insurance
  2. Interest free credit (save money left in account at the end of the month)
  3. Have all outgoings listed in one place.

Yes, I know you can do 3. from your bank account, but banks are so keen to charge you if you accidentally overdraw that it is easier to keep track on the credit card and saves overdrawing accidentally. I pay the bill in full every month, but I wouldn't advise using the card for everything unless you're on top of your finances.

crumblingschools · 30/01/2025 00:02

We get John Lewis vouchers with our credit card. These vouchers have been used to pay for a tv, fridge, cooker amongst other things!

L0bstersLass · 30/01/2025 00:03

namechanged221 · 29/01/2025 23:46

What is the point of spending on a credit card every month?

@namechanged221 because of the perks you get on some credit cards.
For example, I get Avios with mine - British Airways Airmiles and have taken over 10 business class flights for cheaper than an economy ticket using my Avios.
Some give a % cashback.
There are a wide variety of perks available and if you pay the card off every month you don't pay any interest.

Nameynameynamename · 30/01/2025 00:10

Outside of household bills and food, we don't spend anything out of the joint account without telling each other. Surprised how many people are harking on about privacy when this is a joint account.

We keep £x in our own accounts every month for personal spending, do you also have your own personal current accounts op?

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 30/01/2025 00:12

We get John Lewis vouchers with our credit card. These vouchers have been used to pay for a tv, fridge, cooker amongst other things!

So do we. I stock up on chicken kievs and posh cat food at Waitrose with ours.

Needanewnameidea · 30/01/2025 00:14

StormingNorman · 29/01/2025 23:49

It seems to me that you’re annoyed about him having privacy around his spending. I find that attitude quite controlling and it’s something you might want to work on.

In the context of a marriage where both parties have agreed joint finances, and the credit card bill is coming out of a joint account, I don’t think he’s entitled to privacy around his spending to that kind of extent. She’s hardly asking for itemised receipts for the odd lunch, bit of clothing or hobby equipment, it’s £2,000 a month!

thebrollachan · 30/01/2025 00:18

StormingNorman · 29/01/2025 23:49

It seems to me that you’re annoyed about him having privacy around his spending. I find that attitude quite controlling and it’s something you might want to work on.

Too right! She should just take £2k out of the joint account every month for herself, and if he asks why, tell him it's private. 🙄

BePinkOrca · 30/01/2025 00:31

Another couple that stick all our expenses on a CC and pay it off in full monthly…food shop, petrol, insurances, Netflix, sim only payments, holiday instalments all easily add up and total 2k + a month… OP are you sure it’s not general household expenses being added and paid in full? I then have a “personal” CC I do the same for and those expenses are pretty minor but specific to me such as gym membership, lunches when at work, coffee/meals out with friends. If you can see all the food shop/holidays etc going out the joint account then I would ask him direct… if you cannot see these then suspect he is in the CC in full club.

DeepFatFried · 30/01/2025 00:48

OnlyFans?

It’s £500 a week!

OP, honestly, I wouldn’t take take the same % of your own wages out of the joint account as he does, for your own spending, or to save.

All these Pp Talkng about ‘his privacy’. The OP doesn’t have such privacy, she does her spending with transparency from the agreed joint account, which he can see.

Cantthinkofonenow · 30/01/2025 01:01

It’s his money. 2k isn’t that much to owe on a credit card imo he can pay that easily on his income. It’s hilarious that because he owes money on a credit card someone has assumed he could be buying drugs

DreamW3aver · 30/01/2025 07:12

Cantthinkofonenow · 30/01/2025 01:01

It’s his money. 2k isn’t that much to owe on a credit card imo he can pay that easily on his income. It’s hilarious that because he owes money on a credit card someone has assumed he could be buying drugs

It isn't his money though, it's from the joint account which is the reason it's a problem

I agree on the drugs, that and gambling are the go to assumptions in any situation like this. I must lead a sheltered life as I'd be thinking expensive gadgets or hobbies 😁

DustyLee123 · 30/01/2025 07:14

If your DH is taking £2000 out of the joint account every month, so do you.

babyproblems · 30/01/2025 07:16

Of course YANBU!! I couldn’t live with this personally. It’s a huge amount of money and you’re either a team or you’re not. If you really cannot see where the money could be going, I’d be inclined to think it’s gambling or similar? I mean you’d know if he was shopping for example.

crumblingschools · 30/01/2025 07:20

@DreamW3aver I think people say drugs or gambling when there is no evidence of what the money is being spent on. You would see expensive gadgets or a new set of golf clubs. Also he is spending it every month which again could point to an addiction

FriendsDrinkBook · 30/01/2025 07:38

If he's not prepared to talk about where this joint money is going in detail your marriage is in trouble. That would be unacceptable.

If this cc payment for mysterious things was coming out of his personal spending money it would be none of your business. But the fact that it's being transferred out of your joint account is a big deal.

TorroFerney · 30/01/2025 07:42

Cynic17 · 29/01/2025 22:37

Why on earth is the OP looking at her husband's private credit card bill?

Because he’s using her money to pay it. Not unreasonable to want to know where your money is going.

Evilspiritgin · 30/01/2025 07:50

Just ask him what he’s spending it on, op hasn’t replied yet, so we don’t know if he’ll have a problem with the question