To wish I’d known how miserable it is parenting alone (not a single parent)

[iwishihadknownthis]

But a husband who is at work more then he isn’t; basically because of his work hours I am responsible for getting us up and out in the morning and I am responsible for getting them to bed in the evening.

I know I’m going to get a load of suggestions and that’s not what I’m about. I’m just so worn down with it.

It's so tough!! Is there any hope of a reduction of his working hours in the future?

How many DC do you have? And do you work or are you a sahm? Getting kids up and to school is generally not done by both parents at the same time.

YANBU, it does sound shit.

But I think being completely resistant to suggestions is a bit U though to be honest. There will be women on here who have been where you are and found a way to change their situation. There will be some who are still in that situation, and some who have no experience but may still have something useful to say. Maybe hear them out? It can't make things worse can it?

Sometimes people don't want to hear suggestions, they just want to felt seen and heard about something that's tough for them.

If you are doing that every day as well as, I assume, a FT job then it would be miserable. Something needs to change for all your sakes, which will mean compromises and perhaps sacrifices.

I have two children @Comedycook

They are nursery age and while mornings are stressful it’s the evenings that are utterly shit to be honest.

@neverbeenskiing the problem is you end up having to justify everything and then people get arsey because you are ignoring helpful advice.

I’ve been there and it’s very hard. Yes of course it’s better than having no partner as you have shared finances and someone to share worries with and hopefully someone around at the weekend and at nighttime but it is tiring doing all the childcare alone when they’re that age as well as all the household shit and the admin etc.

It’s crap! My husband works away a lot of the time, I do everything I’m so busy but get really lonely as I’m doing everything alone! Do you work or are you a SAHP? It’s tough and I can’t offer you any advice but you are definitely not alone!

I work three days a week. To be honest I’m unsure which is hardest at the moment. I think a big thing is when I’ve had a tough day at work I then have to manage two children alone. At the moment one has a cold and one has an ear infection; one isn’t sleeping (so I’m not sleeping) and the other is cranky and grumpy. And sorting them both alone at the toughest time of the day when they’re both tired is so so hard.

I hear you when mine were small I did it
All and it was hard .

I hear you, I work full time, have three kids (2 primary, 1 nursery) and my husband works away in the week. I hate bedtime with a passion. It takes me 3 hours to get them all settled then I’ve got a whole hour before I need to go to bed so I’m ready for the 6am wake up call. And I get so annoyed when I’m told to treasure the time.

I know you feel OP. I did 2 years and 2 months before I left my ex.

You need to consider whether you want to stay with your DH. If you do, then you need to build your support network while your DH works. Consider whether part time work will allow you to regain your balance. Are there other mums around you can share with? A community group that will provide you with support? A cleaner to do some of the basics for you?

In my case the answer was no, and I left because I was unhappy and my ex refused to compromise in any way. For me it was the right thing to do.

It’s rubbish OP. Sending hugs and no advice

Oh god yes. My youngest is just ridiculous at the moment; I think I saw every hour last night.

Feel ashamed of myself because I think everything runs so much smoother when DH isn't here (1-4 nights a week).

I did this when my ex worked away . The good thing is that things change and they get a bit more independent. Loved saying Go get your pj's on and brush teeth and I will be up . Not an easy
time in your parenting life .

it is difficult, especially when you are tired too. My husband also works away a lot and I work part time in a stressful job, which I would not want to give up. I have a hormonal teenager at home and a younger child. Sometimes I’m on the verge of tears with a mixture of exhaustion and stress. Please don’t feel like you’re alone in feeling how you do.

I did this. It’s so hard. But let me reassure you is that it gets exponentially easier, especially if you push them to be as independent as possible.

I hear you. I had a disinterested husband who worked long hours, or simply avoided coming home when the dcs were awake. I did every single morning and bedtime on my own.

The stage you are at is absolutely the hardest. It does get easier, I promise. They get older, become more independent, and eventually they are teenagers who just want to sleep!

I have done at least 90% of dinners, bedtimes and bath times by myself for the past seven years. I've never been a heavy drinker but I went though a period of deliberately having a G&T once dinner was on the table at a particularly rough point. It's not a suggestion (obviously) but it took the edge off for me. I've also gone through periods of feeding the DC in front of the TV and I don't give a shit whose bed they sleep in, so long as they sleep.

Do you have a family to support you? Mum, mil etc?

I always say, being a single parent isn't hard, being a parent without a wider support system is what's hard

I'm in the same boat, just me and dd, no wider support. I try to chill and take things slowly. I do everything while she's at school so in the evenings I can rest with her

Slow cooker meals, showers etc in the evenings x

It’s very very hard with no support.

It’s absolute rubbish, I feel for you OP.

I have a disability and DH’s family haven’t helped once, but compare me to SIL who has help from both sets of grandparents and her husband.

Sometimes you feel like no one sees your struggles but honestly OP, we do x

I feel like this too. Husband leaves at 7am and returns at 8pm. I’m just finishing up mat leave with DC2 and we have a toddler.

Mornings are fine as I’m organised (and worse when DH is around) but the hours before bedtime are the worst. Luckily toddler sleeps ok. We don’t have family nearby. DH hates his job apparently but refuses to do anything about it so when he is home we have to listen to him moan about it!

It sucks. I only have DD and when she was a toddler and DH was away/working all the time I thought it would break me or us!
It may not feel like it but it is easier when they get less physically dependent (and you don’t feel that if anyone touches you again you will howl).
Now DD is more independent it is still tiring as she has lots of sport and dance commitments so I’m a taxi but I feel less emotionally drained. Hang in there.