1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

[Khaote]

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

I wouldn't walk along that road, let alone my children. No issue with them walking on a path.

Far too young op. Stick to your guns. What would you rather, a lifetime of regret if the worst were to happen to your precious child or risk your ex being unhappy with your responsible parenting decision? Presumably he is an ex because he's a feckless twat. Continue to treat him as such.

It wouldn't faze me per se, but it wouldn't be an enjoyable walk with cars zooming past and I don't see it as necessary for promoting independence. I think your ex is being a bit of a tool.
For reference, my sister and I walked down similar roads from 10 or 11. We also used to have to walk the 4 miles back from town after nights out from 16 (back in the '90s), but I wouldn't wish the same on/for my children.

No way. Agree-its not negotiable,there is NEVER time safety outweighs independence. Can you use non emergency 101 or email local police and ask opinion...?

Walking for an hour is fine. Walking for an hour or more along a country road with no footpath and speeding traffic is NOT ok. As others have said, it's just an accident waiting to happen.

Does the dad do this walk?? Along roads like this with no pavements? My guess is he drives....

What a very odd opinion. People have to live in the countryside. Should the people growing your food not have families?

Another nope. I would not walk that route either.

No. Exactly the type of roads I live along and they’re falling apart. This means anyone trying to walk has to also be mindful of traffic trying to avoid both them and the potholes. Saw a couple with a small child forced to walk along the grass mud verge, almost tripping over brambles etc because otherwise they’d have been jumping across potholes like craters.

YANBU because there is no pavement. I wouldn't walk that road myself, let alone send two 11 year olds down it.

Probably a no from me, but what are you going to do as he gets older? It does make me feel quite sad for kids living in these areas. They are understandably desperate for some independence. Why has adult society done so little to facilitate this?

I was in the Netherlands last year, and even rural areas were full of separate cycle paths. It was wonderful watching even pre teens whizzing about, going to friends homes and the local station by themselves.

In other countries, separate roads are built for tractors, and these double up as walking and bike tracks, because tractors are so slow. The local drivers are happy too, as they no longer get stuck behind tractors.

Spending 17 years being wheeled about by Mum everywhere in a giant motorized pram, and then having to learn to drive and suddenly negotiate dangerous roads by car all the time at 17, is no way to raise kids. Why does the UK put so little emphasis on kids’ physical and mental health? They are apparently the least independent I Europe.

Absolutely unsafe for anyone to walk on that road,certainly not children.
Why does your husband think it is up to him to decide and you do not get a say in the matter, is it your son? Anyone who says it is 'non negotiable' in this sort of situation is a dictator not a husband.

True, which is another reason why we should be building cycle and walk tracks all over the country. some people have to live in the countryside and they have the right to have kids.

I think it is only fair to point out, however, that the majority of people living in rural areas in the UK are not farmers or doing any sort of rural job. Every single family I know of personally who lives in a village either commutes to town, does a WFH desk job, or is retired. They live there for lifestyle reasons, not to grow our food. They often moved there “for the kids” but of course the kids often get bored and frustrated as teens, unless they are heavily into a home based hobby, like horseriding if the family keeps horses.

The road are similar around my way. You rarely see anyone walking on them, because they are not fools.
I have to enable my son's independence to a certain degree, by dropping him in town, giving him money for bus fairs, a lot of dropping and collecting at friend's houses (lots of whom also live in isolated villages. ie he's gaining his independence in places where he's not going to get run over by a car!

I have lived much of my life in rural areas and walked on rural roads and I wouldn't be happy on that road! I don't need pavements but you do need to be able to walk off the road and there isn't sufficient grass verge - if you have to keep getting off the road every time a vehicle comes along you don't walk very fast. Has your ex ever walked this route? Maybe suggest he tries it before getting two 11 year olds involved.

Where would you imagine these walking/cycle tracks go?

That would depend on the area. Last village I went to had random green space with nothing particularly going on there along the backs of the houses, for example. My friend who lives there now is planning to move away, partly because her children have grown out of "play in the garden" and have basically no physical independence whatsoever; they can't even set a foot out of their own front drive because of the massive shiny Range Rovers whizzing past at a million mph. It's really sad.

The Netherlands is significantly more densely populated than the UK, but has found the space to build cycle and walking tracks in the countryside because they think children's independence of movement is actually, you know, important. The British don't think it's important, so they don't bother.

Perhaps we should allow new schools to be built without playgrounds as well? After all "Where can we put them? We can't possibly find the space!"

Would it help to show your lad this thread? The issue is not that he isn't old enough. The issue is that the road isn't safe, and any responsible adult will avoid walking down it, especially in the dark. He should accept the lift to the bus stop (and you need to talk to your delightful 'DH' about teaching his son toxic masculinity, by the sound of things!)

Its not 'odd', its different to yours is all. Perhaps yours is an odd opinion?

If someone has to live in the countryside for their work, thats a different thing but many dont, many choose to live out in the sticks and their children are essentially trapped and rely on cars and their parents to get about. I dont particularly think thats healthy

Its not particularly good for the parents either to be so car reliant.

Ive posted before about new developments which are set up in the middle of nowhere, estates off busy A roads, its disgraceful that we dont have walking and cycle tracks which are safe to use, and that arent just narrow bits of 'shared use' pavement which one swift blow of wind could have you in the road anyway.

My opinion that there are pros and cons to living in most places? Yep, it’s definitely me with the odd opinion… 🙄

@weirdoboelady the father is refusing to give the son a lift and being nasty to the OP when she asks him to do so.

Noone should walk on that road, no way I would allow it.

I live in the country with unpaved roads, you wouldn't get up to 50mph on the back roads, but I have had to practically throw myself into a hedge to avoid being hit and I know people who have been clipped by wing mirrors walking/jogging. No way would I let my child walk on the road you show with those speed limits! Even on pavements near fast roads you can feel the whoosh of a lorry passing. Your ex is an arse.

Had a quick look on an OS map, there are footpaths and national trail paths that would take a little longer but would get them to the bus stop with minimal road walking. Would EH explore this with them if they've not walked it before. TBF at 11 we knew all the local footpaths/trails to get us to the nearest town but if DS has not grown up there he's unlikely to.

We live very rurally. The station is a shorter walk than the OPs but over a very similar road or a walk/bike ride along a footpath. None of us wanted to move for various reasons, so we made a plan that they took the path to the station unless the weather was really bad, they had loads to carry or they had to be dressed in a way that didn't go with walking. But the road was absolutely forbidden.