1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

[Khaote]

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

Absolutely not! Your DH is a fucking moron. Sorry but he is!

This walk alone is a no. I wouldn't do it as an adult, it's literally a road! Especially in the winter when the paths bound to be muddy and flooded. They may have to walk into the road to avoid puddles. Best case they'll be freezing and filthy, worst case they'll be run over.

I wouldn’t let my very independent 25year old walk that route. There are other ways of developing independence. It’s the drivers not your son that’s the problem.
I have a friend whose two daughters were knocked down on their way home, same sort of route. One died and one had facial injuries that have left her with lifelong scars.

Hell no! I live in a village & often walk along pavementless roads but they are small country roads not the flippin A39.

Independence is great but this is totally crazy and as parents really neglectful. It is such a dangerous road even for adults..would they understand which side of the road to walk on ? What will they do when cars come ? Are they going to wear high vis? Do not let this happen.

Absolutely not. I hate pavementless roads like that. They often have sharp bends in them and are national speed limit (60 mph) which is far too fast for the conditions but idiots will still drive at 60 pmh anyway, because it's legal to.

I wouldn't want to walk down that road with no pavement and fast traffic myself. Its dangerous.

I wouldn't walk down that road and I'm 42.

50 mph traffic, zero pavements and that’s in dry/light conditions 😱

It’s a no brainer. Your ex is neglecting his parental duty to assess risk responsibly/accurately and safeguard the wellbeing of his (your) young son.

Not a regular journey for adult pedestrians, def not ever for unaccompanied children. YANBU

No verges to walk on and places where hedges don’t even allow for you to stand back. Get the police via 101 to have a word with your ex or to your DS when he is with you.
we walk a lot as a family, I had long walks to get to buses as a child and that would have been a big no even back when fewer cars and big lorries. It takes skill and experience to do even a tiny bit of fast road if a walking route suggests it. The sound of traffic and having to keep your wits about you makes it v unpleasant

absolutely no chance. I wouldn't let my 17 year old walk down it.

No. Not suitable for pedestrians at all.

I do trail running and sometimes have to use country lanes/ roads to join up public footpaths. My criteria is that they need to be quiet, have a decent line of visibility and some width to escape off the road. This is a tripple fail.

Its a rare event on mumsnet when everyone agrees something is unreasonable. I think that says it all. You have a dh problem I am afraid. What is he going to suggest next to support independence ?

Sorry jsut to be very clear - I am not with his father!!

That's an accident waiting to happen. I wouldn't walk it myself or allow my adult dc to walk it! For the sake of 4 minutes. They'll get their independence going into town, they don't need a dangerous walk for that.

Nope . As a very recently retired police officer , there is not a chance I’d let two 11 year olds walk this. I live in a very rural village with a 50 minute walk on an identical looking road into town , and I’ve had to do that walk myself . It was fucking horrible , I felt hugely intimidated by the traffic that was flying past , and I had nowhere to walk because the verge was in fact on the side of a ditch both sides. I’ve never allowed any of my kids to do the walk and even though my youngest is 18 , if he has to get back from town , I’ll get him a taxi rather than do that. One of our village residents was hit by a car doing the walk when we first moved here 20 years ago . The driver didn’t see her in time, and he put her in the ditch , and then in a wheelchair for life . No . Just no.

No pavement/walking path = no walking.

But you know that. My advice would be to talk to the safeguarding lead at DS' school. I know that may be a stretch but essentially, this is about a parent being negligent over a child's safety. And I say that as someone who is usually on the more relaxed side of things.

What steps, if any, has your ex put in place to prepare your ds for this walk? As a bare minimum, your ex needs to do practise runs with your ds to walk the route and plan the safest way.

Did you look at the photos? That’s not a ‘country lane’.

If you're going to inflict living in the arse end of nowhere on your son then I think it's absolutely fair to drop him at the bus stop.

My DD (12) is out and about a lot, walks into town with her friends, crosses busy roads etc but there are paths and lights/pedestrian crossings.

I would absolutely not allow her to walk down that road, it is not safe at all. I would not walk down that road. 3 miles as well! He's being an absolute fool, you can encourage independence is so many other, safer ways.

No chance! I wouldn’t fancy that myself never mind an 11 year old who is glued to his phone while walking. Mum knows best.

YANBU OP. As an adult I wouldn't walk along an A-road with no pavement alongside vehicles doing even 40mph let along 50mph...

because it would be a fucking stupid thing to do and an accident waiting to happen.

OMG! No way on that road! It is lethal. Please be strong and do not allow this.
x

That’s dangerous for anyone including adults .
Total no from me . I have a 13 year old son who travels on the train and bus on his own but he would not be allowed to do with with another teen .

It's so dangerous and stupid it honestly wouldn't surprise me if someone called the police if they saw them doing it. I know it would make me worried if I saw two small lads walking down it.

Just trying to safely drive on those kind of roads is scary enough sometimes, people speeding, trying to overtake, bad positioning. All it takes is for someone to come around a corner, see an oncoming car, move over and your boy is there...

Arghhhh your ex is a prick.

He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it

Is this how your ex spoke to you? I'd be wild if my kids tried to engineer a simple issue about traffic safety into a scathing assessment of my personal failings. It's one thing to negotiate, it's another to engage in character assassination to get your own way.