1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

[Khaote]

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

Actually, I think I know that road. Much of it does have verges that can be walked along but some stretches (like most country roads) have no verges. They would be forced to walk in the road. No chance.

I belong to a walking group. There's no way we'd walk more than a short distance on a road like that - and only if there was no way of avoiding it. We also wear hi-vis vests to make sure we are very visible.
Looks like there aren't any footpaths as an alternative.

You are 100% right. Your ex is an absolute negligent, stupid and irresponsible’father’! Stick to your guns - what a twat!

No chance. Don't let it happen.

It feels dangerous to you OP, because it IS dangerous.
This sort of journey is way too hazardous for an 11 year old.

YANBU. I live with my DS in a small village. He walks or cycles to the villages around us BUT our lanes are single track with passing places and traffic is generally slower.

Looking at your map, that road is straight and therefore fast. There are no pavements. I'd allow your ds to walk, with his friends, on a weekend during daylight, when people are generally less stressed, less in a hurry and there will be other (dog) walkers around. During the week, not a chance. Your DH is foolish and inconsiderate..

Please please dont let them do this. If your husband needs convincing tell him to google 2 girls killed laceby bypass 2003. Ive never been able to get the details of that out of my head.

Definitely not. I live in a very rural area, with lots of roads like that. No way would I be walking along it, even in top to toe Hi Viz kit. Driving standards seem to be detiorating at warp speed, and often verges are too high or non-existent to escape onto. I think that would be too dangerous for children to do so.

I have a DS of similar age and it would be a NO!!

No, no, no!! I have a 12 year old and we live in a similar location. I’ve seen her road sense and distraction levels when she is with friends. I also know of a lady who was killed walking down our local road very similar to that.

I know the road and it has substantial traffic, I think driving them to the bus stop is a reasonable option

I wouldn't have wanted my 11 year old child walking alongside a main road with no pavement for 10 mins let alone an hour. Why would your child's father want to put him at risk like that? Do you think it's just about point scoring? What is the custody position between yourself and your ex (ie how many days where)?

I know that road and there are paths through the fields but it is the long way round. I don't remember the road being too busy but its been some time since I lived in that area.

You disagree with people living in the countryside with children?!

Are the other 11-year-old's parents ok with this plan??

I had a shorter walk (20-30 mins) on roads like that when I was 12 going to school, and also taking along my younger brother. I had no choice, since we were walking from home (a farm) and my DM was very ill (sadly, more than we know at the time) and DF was overseas. When she was too ill to drive, I lied and told her we had arranged a lift to school some from some of the farm help.

It's very dangerous. Drivers do speed on those roads, locals often being the worst. Drivers do become distracted. There is probably a lot more traffic than the long ago days when I was doing this.

Chances are everything will be fine, until it is not, if there is an accident it will be very serious. Low probability of happening, but very high risk of an incident being very very serious.

I grew up in the Cotswolds, so understand the difficulties of being far away from everything.

Having said that, this is madness. Not a chance would i allow this.

So many local bus services have been cut.

Would any of these services help? Might not be exactly your area but could help someone else?

travelwest.info/community-transport/

No way would I let that happen. What do the friend's parents think?

I believe I said that yes.

Is there an echo in the room?

I’d call the police if I saw two 11 year olds walking down a road like that. It’s far too dangerous.

I wouldn’t want to walk down there myself, let alone send children off down it. If they really had to I’d want them wearing a high viz/reflective gilet. Are there any footpaths across country that would get them to the bus stop more safely?

Not a chance in hell on that road. Cars could easily miss seeing them and there's no hard pavement it's not safe. If there were pavements and well kit then maybe it would be negotiable but not that pictured road.

Tbh so would I. They're a hazard to themselves and other people.

Not 11 not any age