1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

[Khaote]

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

We also live in the countryside and are surrounded by narrow lanes. There’s absolutely no way I’d let my children walk along them, some people drive at insane speeds, it’s not safe at all.

Your ex is a fucking idiot.

I wouldn't walk down a road like that as an adult. Getting a lift to the bus stop then catching the bus and visiting the town with his friend is plenty of independence.

There's a difference between walking down a country lane and an A road - and at the age of 11 when presumably they are still quite small and not very visible?

I mean obviously—obviously! - YANBU. I can't believe the other parent agrees? Ring them and say you are absolutely not OK with this and it won't be happening. You say you feel powerless - so get more power on your side. I'm sorry your son has such a reckless father.

Nope! It doesn't look like anyone should be walking that road, nevermind children.

No way. We walk down roads like that sometimes in my walking group and it never feels safe

50 MPH
Our not are!

That doesn’t look like a safe place for an adult to walk.

Not only is there no paved bit outside of the lanes, there isn’t enough buffer zone between the road and where the vegetation gets thick.

we have lots of roads like this near me and most of us avoid even driving them when there is an easy alternative.

I wouldn’t even do that journey at 26. It’s a no from me

I don’t think this is an age thing, it’s about not being an idiot and doing something inherently dangerous.

A friends adult son died walking down a road like this, young adult, used to the walk, the driver didn't stop. Not a cat in hell's chance I would let them do this. As everyone else has said it isn't their fault, it is simply bloody dangerous because of cars driving past I would never put my child at that kind of risk.

Fuck no! I wouldn't walk along that road myself, except in an emergency!

On a country road with no pavement, I'd say ok if slow-moving, infrequent traffic and regular pedestrian use.

Not a road on which cars routinely travel at 50mph and that isn't regularly used by other pedestrians.

Agree with this. I would not feel safe as a pedestrian on that road as an adult.

We live somewhere very similar. For context the LA provides transport for our children to go to school as they deem the road outside our house too dangerous to walk along. Could you get someone else to speak to him? You obviously can't let it happen.

To be honest I would not feel safe walking that route as an adult. It would only be done if it was unavoidable. This does not sound like a reasonable idea.

I live somewhere similar and it’s a no from me. The walk isn’t really the issue the drivers are. I’ve seen cars flipped over as hit a verge whilst speeding/ smash into walls, take out part of bridges. Honestly the council have designated it an unsafe walking route so school buses pick up at the end of the drive.

Kids do get independence they can catch a bus after school to nearest city for example. I personally wouldn’t walk along that road as I think it’s unsafe and pointless when I could drive the dc.

Exactly. I would drop my 40yo husband to the bus stop in that situation! Or tell him to get a taxi.

Putting aside the obvious safety aspect, that walk in January doesn't sound like much fun.

The dad lives in a village, I don't think we know that the OP does?

It is quite bad how many roads are unsuitable for walking along

But then I disagree with people with kids living in areas like this, how on earth can someone have full independence at a young age and it means reliance on cars

What are the footpath options? (if passable, another complaint of mine)

Oh and to add I grew up in an area like this, no one walked the roads! We all had to be reliant on our parents for buses or cycle. There was one bus a day!

I agree, he's an absolute twat. There's no way it's safe walking for that long with no pavement.

The boys may be sensible but you're essentially relying on anyone driving along the road to be a good driver, not speed and take care. Not everyone does that.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable and as others have already said it’s nothing to do with independence. There is no pavement on that road, I wouldn’t feel comfortable walking on it myself for 5 minutes let alone an hour with cars travelling at 50. Too many cars and too many bad drivers these days, it would be a flat no for now and for the future for any age from me, there are other ways for them to learn independence, his Dad sounds extremely foolhardy in this matter.

YANBU- So dangerous! Does he not care about your sons safety?! Sounds like he is one of those 'all is fine til something goes wrong' types....then it's too late.

I’ve driven that road and I wouldn’t walk it for any reason! It’s not safe at all. There are no pavements, it’s idiotic!

Doing that walk would be madness. Even more so if they get there and the bus doesn't even turn up - they've put themselves at risk for nothing.