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AIBU?

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Original poster

1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

150 replies

Khaote · 29/01/2025 17:25

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..
1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..
1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..
1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..
1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..
OP posts:
MyProudHare · 29/01/2025 17:28

You're not unreasonable. Your ex should drop him at the bus stop. Going to the next town on the bus is in itself enough to help foster independence. What do your son's friend's parents think?

YouAgainDamnIt · 29/01/2025 17:29

I wouldn’t be thrilled with that at 11. An hour long walk to a bus stop? Can’t you drop them to the bus stop and they can gain ““independece” by catching it into town and back themselves?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/01/2025 17:29

Yeah, nope

Catza · 29/01/2025 17:30

You live in a village so you should probably spend time teaching your children how to navigate walking along the country lane. The proper way to do that would be in stages - start by explaining the rules and walking it with them, next drive them most of the way allowing for a short independent walk, every time they have to make a journey, drop them off further away from the bust stop until they can confidently complete the entire walk.

elastamum · 29/01/2025 17:31

We live in a similar situation and I have never let my now adult children walk into the village down the main road. Far too dangerous.

Chersfrozenface · 29/01/2025 17:32

Catza · 29/01/2025 17:30

You live in a village so you should probably spend time teaching your children how to navigate walking along the country lane. The proper way to do that would be in stages - start by explaining the rules and walking it with them, next drive them most of the way allowing for a short independent walk, every time they have to make a journey, drop them off further away from the bust stop until they can confidently complete the entire walk.

The children aren't the problem.

The problem is the number of drivers who drive badly. And the major risks that creates.

RachelLikesTea · 29/01/2025 17:33

No way. No-one should walk along that road. If I had to do that walk, I would go through the fields but I would not allow my 11 year old to do so.

PennyApril54 · 29/01/2025 17:33

These roads are not designed for pedestrians to be walking along. The absence of a pavement indicates that. Do you often see people walking there? Is it the done thing? If I was driving along and saw them id think it was ridiculous, unsafe and assume parents didn't know they were there. Absolutely no way in my book.

Edited to add I think it's really unfair on drivers. An accident waiting to happen.

CurlewKate · 29/01/2025 17:33

If there was a pavement then I'd be fine with it. But no pavement and 50 mph traffic- no.

TempestTost · 29/01/2025 17:34

I don't mind the distance, or the waiting. I think in thery the whole thing could be well accomplished d by 11 year olds.

I'm a bit concerned by the lack of place to walk on the side of the road in some of those pictures. Would they have to walk in the road? Would they be very visible? Are the drivers looking for pedestrians?

I would probably insist they be sure to be walking on the road in the day, not twilight or dark.

Touty · 29/01/2025 17:35

No it’s not safe.

verycloakanddaggers · 29/01/2025 17:35

That would be no from me.

It is too dangerous.

Macrodatarefiner · 29/01/2025 17:35

Catza · 29/01/2025 17:30

You live in a village so you should probably spend time teaching your children how to navigate walking along the country lane. The proper way to do that would be in stages - start by explaining the rules and walking it with them, next drive them most of the way allowing for a short independent walk, every time they have to make a journey, drop them off further away from the bust stop until they can confidently complete the entire walk.

What? No. I'm sure they're perfectly capable of walking the distance it's the risk of fast moving traffic that's the issue

Mynewnameis · 29/01/2025 17:35

No way. Not at 11.
I had to cycle a similar route to the nearest village, but not until about 14

Lovelyview · 29/01/2025 17:36

You're not unreasonable but mainly because that doesn't actually look like a fun walk. Is there another way to get to the bus stop using public footpaths? With two of them it should be fairly safe (although I'd be completely stressed until I heard it had gone ok). It's a tricky one op. I have similar conversations with my husband although he's not nasty like your ex. He thinks I'm overprotective and maybe I am.

Chersfrozenface · 29/01/2025 17:36

And the chance of a pedestrian surviving a collision with a vehicle at 50mph is 10%.

PenelopeSkye · 29/01/2025 17:36

I am all for fostering independence, but this would be foolish. There’s no pavement and being hit by a car at 50mph is way too big a risk.

Purplebunnie · 29/01/2025 17:37

Absolutely not.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/01/2025 17:37

No pavement = a no for me.

verityveritas · 29/01/2025 17:37

Catza · 29/01/2025 17:30

You live in a village so you should probably spend time teaching your children how to navigate walking along the country lane. The proper way to do that would be in stages - start by explaining the rules and walking it with them, next drive them most of the way allowing for a short independent walk, every time they have to make a journey, drop them off further away from the bust stop until they can confidently complete the entire walk.

It's not really about the lad learning road safety though, it's that there is no pavement on a 60MPH road. Even in high-viz I wouldn't be okay with this, having witnessed the unbelievably shit angry stupidly fast drivers monopolising our roads these days. Even in the 90s are roads weren't as crowded as they are now.
I think he'd probably be safer on a bike, and then securely locking the bike at the bus stop.

Macrodatarefiner · 29/01/2025 17:38

I live by a very similar road and over lockdown I took to walking along it because there were fewer cars, several times police stopped, initially to ask if I was OK and then when I explained I was just out for a walk they felt it was far too unsafe. The road is really just like the one you show there

Seawolves · 29/01/2025 17:39

No, I used to live on a similar road all it takes is two forty foot lorries meeting and you are on a hiding to nothing.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 29/01/2025 17:40

Could they cycle to the bus stop? That would be safer.

ohtowinthelottery · 29/01/2025 17:40

The road from our village to the railway station is like that - except its 60mph not 50 - but no way would you be able to get up to 60 on it. No one lets their 11 year olds walk that route and I don't let adult DS walk it if he's been out drinking.
Many children around here have quite a lot of freedom and independence around the village and fortunately the bus stop can be accessed using pavements but if using the train, children are always dropped at the station in a car.

TerribleGardener · 29/01/2025 17:40

I live somewhere that sounds very similar and it's a 'no' from me, but no idea how you navigate that with DH. It's not about independence, sounds like he has an appropriate level of independence for an 11yr old, it's about not taking pointless risks when's there's really no need to. I can't imagine anyone of any age being happy about walking alongside the truck in one of those photos.

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