1hour + walk for two 11 year old boys through country roads next to cars driving 50mph+ to catch a bus to neighbouring village..

[Khaote]

My son naturally wants independence, and I feel like I want to encourage this in a healthy, appropriate way. I have allowed him to play with friends in town, go to the park and shops around his mates places etc. I am really not trying to molly coddle him, however, his dad is now firing him up to find more independence by him going on a massive walk with a friend of his (also 11), through the country roads to the bus stop so that they can catch the bus to the neighbouring town 15 mins away.

He lives in a small village, down a long road with no houses, pedestrians, pathways/pavements and cars travelling at 50mph+ it takes over an hour to walk from there to the main road (busy A road) to catch the bus. If they miss the bus then they just have to wait on the side of the road!

I feel very uncomfortable about this myself and pleaded with him to compromise and atleast drop him to the bus stop to save the journey (4 min drive). He refused, accusing me of being paranoid, overly sensitive, "obscured by trauma" aggressively saying that its non negotiable and to deal with it.

I want to put down a precautionary boundary for my sons safety but it feels like I am powerless to do so?

Am I being paranoid? Am I over reacting? I understand that children had more freedom back in the day and I dont want to live in fear but this feels dangerous to me.

I wouldn't walk down a road like that as an adult
Same! Not a chance.

I know that road and would not walk on it. No idea how to tackle your ex though - any chance of contacting the parents of the other lad?

I wouldn't walk that road myself, never mind let a child or teen do it.

I'd ask for the map to be removed from your post personally. But there are public footpaths there where you can do that journey without walking on that road at all. Wouldn't they just do that?

No safe pavement, no walking alone.

Remember you’re his parent not his friend.

Don’t be afraid to be seen as “bad cop” if it means potentially saving your son from a serious accident or death!

just to be clear - we are not together! We have a very difficult relationship whereby anything I am not ok with becomes a powerbattle whereby he puts his foot down even further. Its bloody exhausting

No, you are not being unreasonable, and something like this is not teaching independence, rather it’s teaching a kid to take potentially dangerous risks. No one should be walking down a stretch of road like that, not children, not adults. If it’s a 50 speed limit, for sure lots of people will be doing 60 or 70.

I’m only surprised that 4% think this is ok. Drop them at the bus stop and get them to phone once they are on the bus back so they can be collected. That road looks completely unsafe for pedestrians.

OP, how do children from the village get to school (if there are any)?

Is there any chance that the local authority has assessed the road as part of a route to school?

Some authorities, at least, have documents with titles like "Guidelines for the Identification of Hazards and the Assessment of Risk of Walked Routes to School'.

30+ years ago I could have walked to school, about two miles away, but mostly down country lanes with hardly any traffic. My DM didn't think that lonely walk was particularly safe for an 11 year old girl, or even when I was in Y10.

Oh and given the location you have the added danger of tourists not having a clue how to drive on those kind of roads!

I’m very proud independence for kids and I would say no way. Too busy, too dangerous and too young.

Is there anyone else your ex might listen to who would caution against it, given he seems unlikely to listen to you.

where are the footpaths that lead from the village to that A39 ?

I would not like to walk along those roads, as I don't believe that drivers of vehicles can be relied upon to leave the required 2 metres distance between their vehicle and a pedestrian.

Most drivers pass pedestrians far too closely, which is bad enough on the little country lanes that I walk on but would be extremely dangerous (and pretty frightening, I imagine) on a main road with traffic thundering 6 inches away from your elbows at 50+mph!

I was very much a hands-off, off-you-go sort of parent, but that sort of road would have got a big no from me. I'd be cautious on it as an adult pedestrian.

I'm laid back as a mom and this would be a no.

It's not safe.

As a mother no, it’s clearly not a road designed for pedestrians and as a driver, also no. They’d likely not see them round bends and they’re going to cause an accident. Your ex is an arsehole clearly but I’m sure you’re aware of that already.

On the road, no. That road isn’t designed for pedestrians. Are there footpaths they could walk on? I think in wellies on a footpath or bridleway, as long as they know the route would be fine. Or he needs to drive them to the bus stop to meet the bus.

Hard no from me.

I am a firm believer in encouraging independence. I think as a nation we have become very poor at risk assessment and that many children are denied opportunities to be independent because of this. My kids have done many things at earlier ages than their friends because I've looked objectively at the actual risk of harm vs the benefits of gaining a sense of independence and self confidence.

But by walking along an A road for an hour with no pavement, your son and his friend are at a small but not insignificant risk of serious harm. It isn't mollycoddling to acknowledge reality.

I live near roads like that.
As a very sensible 56 year old even I wouldn't walk a 50mph road with no kerb.
I would not allow my child to do it either

I live near there and even I wouldn’t walk down that road as an adult, let alone being comfortable with two 11 year olds doing it

There is no way I would do that even as an adult. I am a keen walker and I hate country lanes with no pavement. I really try to avoid them. Cars just speed along them.

Are the parents of the other 11 year old going to agree with this madness ?

I would report your ex to social services and not let your son see his dad.

Those roads are too dangerous even for adults.