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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding dress. AIBU to feel a little upset?

272 replies

Brightskiesandcoffee · 29/01/2025 08:10

I was waiting for my wedding dress delivery but as it was scheduled roughly same time as my GP appointment I called my Sis who lives 10 minutes away to take my niece (3) and come chill with me and receive the delivery if I’m not in exactly that time.
She happily agreed and Sod’s Law it came exactly when I was out. I received the message and despite the fact that I’m feeling horrible due to suspected chest and ear infections it just made my day knowing it’s here.
Went home, opened the door and my parcel was on the sofa, taken out of the plastic wrapping, there was supposed to be a nice little white bow on one of the corners which was missing. Sis apologised and said that her DD wanted to see “the princess dress” so she promised her “ just a quick little peek”. When I opened the lid the little card that was supposed to be there on the top was also missing and the tissue paper was a bit crumpled and broken. Again, she explained and she’s so sorry but my niece was just so fast, grabbed the card from the top and disturbed the paper. Both the white bow and little card I found on the kitchen floor. Obviously I’m not mad at my niece but AIBU to feel upset that I feel like I lost little bit of that magic? I thought I’m gonna do maybe a little unboxing video just for myself and have that first feeling of opening your wedding dress, delicate and beautiful and now it doesn’t feel the same anymore.
The dress is not dirty or damaged but I’m just upset that I got no bow and no card but crumpled and broken tissue paper… it was completely opposite what I had in my mind for this special moment, well at least for me?

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 29/01/2025 08:40

Your sister was completely in the wrong.

I think the "unboxing video" sounds silly but I accept things change and perhaps this will/has become the norm. And that's not the point.

Your sister probably wanted to see the dress but if you'd wanted her to see it before the day, doubtless you'd have shown her on your return.
If she really did open your private and important parcel just because her DD wanted to see it, she's running the risk of her DD becoming a bit spoiled. She should have been told to wait.

This probably touches a nerve with me because, years ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth and you had to wait for a camera film to be developed, my SiL-to-be said she'd pick up my and her brother's/my boyfriend's holiday photos as she was going to Boots that day and seeing us in the evening.
She handed over the packet of photos with a delivered critique of them as she'd opened and gone through them all because she "was curious and didn't think we'd mind".

RandomButtons · 29/01/2025 08:41

Your sister was utterly out of order to open your post. I’d be fuming.

I’m not into unboxing videos, but that’s beside the point. You are, and it’s ok for you to have wanted to have that moment.

VodkaCola · 29/01/2025 08:44

I understand OP. I wouldn't make a video, but I would want to be the first person to open the parcel.

I think your sister was really cheeky and needs to learn how to say no to her daughter.

pizzaHeart · 29/01/2025 08:44

I can see that its hard to say no to a 3 yr old wanting to see the pretty dress

@TheGoogleMum It’s no hard at all.You are just saying “no”, put the parcel upstairs and then offer them something else to do : drawing, watching TV, reading a book or just having a snack. You basically have to make an effort in parenting them, that’s all.

OP , I agree with everyone that it’s very disrespectful and rude from your sister. It was your post. What would be the next ? Snooping through your bank statements because your niece wanted to read fancy papers?
I would be very cross with her - she basically couldn’t be trusted.

Could you do a video of you trying it first time ? Maybe a friend can do it or your mum?

I think being unwell is adding a bit to your emotions .Hope you get well soon and have a lovely wedding💐

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 08:44

It’s the excitement that’s been stolen - people are minimising but it’s the same as having someone open your birthday present before you even arrive to your party.

Yes, you can still get the present and it isn’t damaged but it would have been nice to see the wrapping paper and got to peel it open and have that joy/anticipation. That’s the whole point. Doesn’t matter if it’s a present you got for yourself, doesn’t matter the contents. No one should be opening your post and certainly not when you’re only popping round to the doctors and will be back any minute to do the opening yourself.

She could have easily, VERY easily, told DN she will see the dress when you return within 30 mins. She let her open your gift and destroy the wrapping, essentially. It’s not on and you have every right to be upset. You don’t need to justify that to anyone, it’s 100% valid.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 29/01/2025 08:45

RandomButtons · 29/01/2025 08:41

Your sister was utterly out of order to open your post. I’d be fuming.

I’m not into unboxing videos, but that’s beside the point. You are, and it’s ok for you to have wanted to have that moment.

This!
And why all the sneery comments about bows, tissue etc? Everyone has different ideas and different things that matter to them, no need to be mean!

LookItsMeAgain · 29/01/2025 08:45

Your anger and disappointment is misdirected at your niece.

It's your sister that you should be cross at.

It was NOT her place to open any packages, parcels or anything that was not directly mailed to her! How dare she open your package. It was your sister who did this, not your niece. A 3 yr old isn't going to know what is packaged up and sent through the post. Your sister did!

Ellie1015 · 29/01/2025 08:46

Your sister and her child sat with you in your house when you have a chest and ear infection i think that is a bit annoying for them. Not getting to do unboxing a bit annoying for you. All not ideal but you got to GP and dress arrived so in that sense all good.

Your sister should be able to say no to 3 year old expect she also wanted a peek. They were a bit impatient but i wouldnt discuss it or think about it any further.

Jazzjazzyjulez · 29/01/2025 08:46

The 3yr old wouldn't have known this was a wedding dress if her mum hadn't told her... this is all on your sister.

I'd be fuming - I love seeing a parcel all wrapped up pretty especially something as special as a wedding dress.

LaMarschallin · 29/01/2025 08:47

LookItsMeAgain · 29/01/2025 08:45

Your anger and disappointment is misdirected at your niece.

It's your sister that you should be cross at.

It was NOT her place to open any packages, parcels or anything that was not directly mailed to her! How dare she open your package. It was your sister who did this, not your niece. A 3 yr old isn't going to know what is packaged up and sent through the post. Your sister did!

The OP literally said this in her 1st post:

Obviously I’m not mad at my niece but AIBU to feel upset that I feel like I lost little bit of that magic?

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 08:47

“I want to see the princess dress”
”then we have to wait for the princess to get home, don’t we?”

Easy. Your sister was way out of line. Does her own little princess always come first and get her way..?

2chocolateoranges · 29/01/2025 08:48

I’d be furious, it’s your wedding dress, a special moment for you, receiving it and then unwrapping it.

your sister is just a nosey cow and is using the child as an excuse.

GrumblingRose · 29/01/2025 08:48

I think what happened is that the kid began to unwrapped the parcel while your sisters back was turned . Omg if she had had chocolate fingers .

Sandwichgen · 29/01/2025 08:48

Welll that’s one bridesmaid and flower girl you won’t be having …

Tisthedamnseason · 29/01/2025 08:50

I'd be annoyed she didn't just say no to her child. It's rude, and also there could potentially have been damage to the dress from an overexcited 3 year old.

But ultimately I wouldn't be bothered about a special moment or the bows.

coolkatt · 29/01/2025 08:51

Sister is rude af

VodkaCola · 29/01/2025 08:52

Sandwichgen · 29/01/2025 08:48

Welll that’s one bridesmaid and flower girl you won’t be having …

I thought that too.

Username8b72 · 29/01/2025 08:52

I think it’s reasonable to be upset,
regardless of the details like the bow/video. Your sister should have said no to her daughter and said it’s your special parcel to open, and she should have dealt with any tantrum that arose. Really not ok in my opinion! I’d raise it with her when you’re able to be clear and not too emotional, just be really calm and say you’re grateful she came over to be in for the dress but it’s not OK to have opened it regardless of what her daughter wanted. She crossed a line & needs to know that wasn’t OK. She might not react well but people who don’t respect boundaries often don’t. But trust me you’ll feel much better for having set one in place. In any circumstances it’s not OK to open someone else’s post, especially not something so precious.

pizzaHeart · 29/01/2025 08:54

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 29/01/2025 08:45

This!
And why all the sneery comments about bows, tissue etc? Everyone has different ideas and different things that matter to them, no need to be mean!

Show quote history

and this ^ absolutely

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/01/2025 08:54

@Brightskiesandcoffee sorry but your sister had absolutely no right to open your parcel at all!! I would be furious with her! and then to let her daughter touch it??????

Screamingabdabz · 29/01/2025 08:55

I get pissed off if someone opens my pristine Sunday paper before me so I can totally understand how sad and angry you feel about this - I feel it for you.

Opening your wedding dress box is a special moment and it was ruined by your sister allowing her child to do that. And it clearly wasn’t a ‘peek’ either if things were crumpled and the card was on the floor. What a nasty bitch. I’d struggle to get past it tbh.

Have you told her how hurt you are?

Shardlake63 · 29/01/2025 08:57

It is actually illegal to intentionally open someone else's mail in the UK!
I think I would have found this upsetting too. Not because I wanted to film it - is this a thing these days?? - but because she allowed her daughter to open a parcel addressed to me, especially such a special one. Is no one capable of saying no to their children these days?
She should have waited for you to return and then asked if was okay for her daughter to watch you open your parcel. It would then be up to you to decide if you were happy with that or if you wanted to open it in private.
Fortunately, no actual harm has been done.
I do hope you have a lovely wedding and I'm sure you will have so many happy memories of the day that the unboxing of your dress will become less of an issue for you.
They really should not have done it though, they were well out of order.

Alalalala · 29/01/2025 08:57

Terrible behaviour by your sister. That is something precious to you. Some objects are meaningful and boundaries should be respected.

middleagedandinarage · 29/01/2025 08:58

YANBU, that's mental! You asked her to come and wait because you had a special parcel being delivered and she opened it when it arrived without you. WTF! Worse that it is your wedding dress but that's bang out of order whatever it was.

Octopies · 29/01/2025 09:00

YANBU, did your niece even need to be told what was in the box if it was likely she'd get excited and want to open it? Sister should have told her it's not her's to open, then asked if you mind if niece sees your dress when you got home. Even then she shouldn't be grabbing at it in case it gets dirty or damaged.

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