Blusher drama

[EndlessTreadmill]

I have 2DD aged 11 and 9.
The 11 year old, like many girls her age is into the whole skincare thing (no judgement please, I don't encourage it but do let her have a few products). She used some of her pocket money to buy a Pixi blusher thing (£20 I think) . It comes in a stick like a deodorant and you turn the bottom to make it come out of the top, like a lipsick basically. It was a prized possession, and she has had it about 2-3 weeks.
Then this weekend the girls were together in DD11 's bedroom, DD11 went to take a shower and DD9 used the blusher. Unfortunately, she must have used it a little bit less carefully than DD11, and when DD11 went to use it, she saw some slight sort of creases in the top of the product, and a few small smudges on the side of it and she now says it is 'bumpy' and uneven and terrible to use.

Now honestly the 'damage' is very very minor, I wouldn't even have noticed it, the product is still almost new, probably looks like it would for most people who used it normally for a couple of months. However, DD11 is completely hysterical about it, and just cannot get over it.
DD9 is upset, and has promised never to touch her sister's things again, b is a good girl and kind to her sister (who bosses her about), and definitely did not trash the blusher - curiosity got the better of her and she just tried it once. So there is no point in punishing her etc, it won't make the blusher like new again.

Part of me is telling her to just get a grip. I have also said I will buy her another one when this one is finished, but she needs to finish it as it's just a complete waste to not use an expensive product which is virtually new and totally usable (neither I nor DD9 wear blusher!).

On the other hand, she says it was her treat, bought with her own money, and now she has no pleasure in using it etc. And that it will take about 5 years to use up, so the offer to replace when it's used is pointless, she is just going to stop using it.

I can't work out if I am pandering to a spoilt child by replacing it, or if this is the sort of incident which she will still be using as an example of childhood unfairness in 20 years time.

YABU replace the blusher now
YANBU tell her to get a grip and suck it up

Tbh, dd9 shouldn't have been using it. I'd give it to her and replace it for your eldest.

Imagine if you had a £3000 handbag and your sister borrowed it and scratched it/tarnished it.

I'm with your Dd on this one, she's not spoilt, she bought it with her own money. It brings her joy (regardless of how you feel about her using it at her age).

Yanbu I don't think it's a big deal and will blow over, dd1 needs to let it go, bless her

Everything feels like the end of the world at that age

Get some sandpaper and smooth it out again?

I think this is not really about the blusher though. Does she get enough respect for her things, and privacy in general? Could her kid sister potentially be a bit of a golden child here (albeit unintentionally)?

They're a bit young for make up.
Surely you can tell the older one that she can still use the blusher.

Replace it.

She bought it with her money and her sister used it without permission and messed it up.

Just buy your DD11 a new one, take the money from DD9s pocket money and explain why.
Let DD9 keep the one used but obviously explain she'll be paying for it and remind her not to touch something that isn't hers & If she breaks this rule again, they'll be more serious consequences (grounded, loss of privileges... etc, whatever you deem suitable)

I know exactly what product you’re talking about because my 12yo has one. Of course she can still use it, it needs blending in once on the skin anyway so the way it applies is kind of irrelevant.

Surely as she continues using it the creases will flatten out anyway?

I’m a soft arse though so I’d just tell her she’ll get a new one and an extra treat (the bronzer version) for her birthday.

You describe your 9 year old as “good” and “kind” but your eldest as “bossy” and “spoilt”.

Do you think this has any bearing on your decision?

Use a new dish cloth to wipe and smooth the top in front of DD1 and return to DD1. Ask DD2 to buy DD1 a small token, e.g. chocolate bar, from pocket money for trying it without having permission. Tell DD2 in front of DD1 that if she does anything similar she'll have to replace it next time.

Sorry but I’m going to say it…. You say it’s her money but someone had to take her to buy it surely? No 11 year old needs blusher, let alone £20 one!

Your child your rules fair enough but ridiculously expensive make up at 11? It’s a no from me.

Replace it, it’s been spoiled. She doesn’t want a smoothed out repaired version of what she paid for with her own money. DD2 sounds indulged I’m afraid.

The no 11 year old needs blusher comments are a mislead, it's irrelevant and op said no judgement. You won't talk a teenager out of wearing make up, which is a couple of years away tops. It's just blusher.

Op you need to replace it. And you need to ensure she feels that her things are safe and have not been tampered with. I grew up with siblings, and my things would be used and treated carelessly constantly, because my mother didn't see any value in them or didn't really have energy to do anything about it. It caused me so much stress that it has led to me having a lifetime of OCD. I actually don't allow my siblings or any children of friends or family in my home, even now as a woman approaching 40, because I despise my nice things being messed with. I grew up very poor and I knew if my things got damaged they would not be replaced. This has never left me, even though I'm now very very wealthy. I save things, I ration things, I buy duplicates of highly expensive items. Allowing my things to be damaged took away any control I had and I fought incredibly hard to take it back in any way possible. I also suffer extreme anorexia, I also left home at 18. Allowing people, especially children and young adults, to not have control over anything, even their own things, can do enormous amounts of damage.

No judgement?
Its very hard not to be sad when you read about 11 and 9 year olds squabbling over make up!
What on earth happened to childhood?

DD9 should be punished. Possibly birthday money spent to replace the blusher.

She is absolutely old enough not to use her sisters things and the way you speak about them and reluctance to punish DD9 will breed resentment.

DD11 paid for this out of her own money. Yes, she is a child but it is her property. It is VERY important for children and teens to feel like they have ownership over their small world.
Yes, she could still use it... But the shine has been taken off of it. The specialness has been tainted by her sister.

Maybe I am bitter because I am an older sister and my younger sister did shit like that all the time, but it really sucked and we are now NC because her entitled attitude carried on through adulthood.

Although it may seem irrational the item was a cherished possession and is now tarnished (in her eyes) she's not learned like we all have through experience that high end make up is beautiful and pristine and that's the lure and draws us in but soon gets messed up through use, she will learn that but right now she can't accept it as his sister did it. I would offer to buy her another product as a like for like replacing does seem like a waste but ultimately her sister shouldn't have done it and she deserves a little justice. I would try and balance this with some learning of tolerance of imperfections but one of her first fancy make up things used by her sister is a had one.

@AmberGemstone Has it right.

OP your post makes it clear who the favorite is

Perfect solution

Off-topic, but make sure she’s not using any skincare with retinol in it on such young skin.

Also, in terms of it taking her “5 years” to use up, it’s a good idea to teach her now that all skincare and make up should be discarded after 12 months, whether it’s used up or not, as bacteria builds up in it over time.

I think your younger DD should pay for a replacement.

It's an important life lesson for both of them.

Younger DD needs to know taking/using other people's things is not acceptable and she won't be let off the hook even if the damage is minimal.

Better learn that now over a £20 blusher than a far more expensive item.

In terms of your elder DD she needs to learn that she is right to have boundaries and is entitled to have her items respected within the family home (and will be asked to reciprocate).

Your younger child was in the wrong and at an age to know better and understand that sorry doesn't cut it when you've damaged property you've stolen (albeit briefly). If you let her get away with it then you are favouring her over your eldest.

If you don't address this now and dismiss your elder DD as being petty then the ramifications are potentially more serious than you realise in how both children perceive themselves, each other and their relationship with you.

I noticed this too. It's quite sad really. I wonder if OP's view would have been the same if DD1 had damaged something DD2 had saved for and bought with her own money.

To add, make up is a very personal thing re:hygiene.

I am scrupulous about keeping mine clean and using with clean hands etc.

I know which blush you mean and I would not want to use it after someone else got their sticky mitts on it or put it in their face.

To me it's akin to someone stealing my toothbrush.

It seems like you favour your youngest.

I think you need to replace it.

Just the fact that the OP's title refers to it being a 'drama' shows where her sympathies lie.

You have my sympathy trying to sort this out, but I can see why she is upset. It was something new she really liked and was looking forward to getting , saved up for and basically the glow has been taken from it, and ruined the whole thing. I can be a bit like this and I'm an adult ( we'll try to be!). Good luck

Well said and thought out 👍