Blusher drama

[EndlessTreadmill]

I have 2DD aged 11 and 9.
The 11 year old, like many girls her age is into the whole skincare thing (no judgement please, I don't encourage it but do let her have a few products). She used some of her pocket money to buy a Pixi blusher thing (£20 I think) . It comes in a stick like a deodorant and you turn the bottom to make it come out of the top, like a lipsick basically. It was a prized possession, and she has had it about 2-3 weeks.
Then this weekend the girls were together in DD11 's bedroom, DD11 went to take a shower and DD9 used the blusher. Unfortunately, she must have used it a little bit less carefully than DD11, and when DD11 went to use it, she saw some slight sort of creases in the top of the product, and a few small smudges on the side of it and she now says it is 'bumpy' and uneven and terrible to use.

Now honestly the 'damage' is very very minor, I wouldn't even have noticed it, the product is still almost new, probably looks like it would for most people who used it normally for a couple of months. However, DD11 is completely hysterical about it, and just cannot get over it.
DD9 is upset, and has promised never to touch her sister's things again, b is a good girl and kind to her sister (who bosses her about), and definitely did not trash the blusher - curiosity got the better of her and she just tried it once. So there is no point in punishing her etc, it won't make the blusher like new again.

Part of me is telling her to just get a grip. I have also said I will buy her another one when this one is finished, but she needs to finish it as it's just a complete waste to not use an expensive product which is virtually new and totally usable (neither I nor DD9 wear blusher!).

On the other hand, she says it was her treat, bought with her own money, and now she has no pleasure in using it etc. And that it will take about 5 years to use up, so the offer to replace when it's used is pointless, she is just going to stop using it.

I can't work out if I am pandering to a spoilt child by replacing it, or if this is the sort of incident which she will still be using as an example of childhood unfairness in 20 years time.

YABU replace the blusher now
YANBU tell her to get a grip and suck it up

Haha! Exactly, always got some with me to hand out. I'm the creepy mum with the litmus paper. I was thinking about birthday gifts (like make your soap/candles/ robot etc kit).

I see yes. Perhaps some sort of payment taking into consideration the depreciation that occurred as soon as she'd opened it

Ah I don't do smelly gifts for girls so soap is out. Do they still make those chemistry sets with the crystals?

She's not obsessed. She has one blusher.

100% this
It's grim

I’m genuinely really pleased for all the posters recalling their traumatic childhood experiences of a sibling using a thing of theirs because it must (surely!) mean that nothing actually bad ever happened to them.

I agree with @ItGhoul 's point about her notebook and having one special nice thing and it being ruined

I also think that in your update about dynamics where you say you don't favour your younger child it's very clear that you absolutely do : kind and gentle vs dramatic and high maintenance. A dramatic 11 yo deserves fairness even so, and no 9 year old should be messing with her sister's things.

Yeah, always out and about telling random girls what they can buy and what they can't buy. That's when I'm not lurking in the playground handing out litmus paper.

What I said was ofcourse parents can decide what our kids buy with their pocket money. And personally I wouldn't let a potential daughter buy skincare/blush because 1.it's full of chemicals so will do more harm than good on young skin and 2. I wouldn't want my 11 year old daughter to waist 20£ on blush. I wouldn't even waste it on myself.

But to not hijack the thread and since mum is OK with it I suppose I would buy a new one and let the 9 year old participate with her own pocket money so that she learns to not use her sister's things without asking

It's funny how different people read in to things. I read DD1 claiming not to be able to concentrate in maths as exactly the way my sister acted - completely over the top and ridiculous so my parents gave in to whatever daft demands she had.

I'd personally punish DD2 because she was completely wrong and I don't think it's okay to touch someone else's stuff without permission. But I'd also encourage DD1 to realise that it isn't good to get so attached to items that you end up literally hysterical if they get damaged, fix it if you can and buy her a different treat to console her about the inconvenience.

It's also on you to replace it because you failed to instill respect of boundaries and honesty in the 9 year old so you get punished by buying it again and the 9 year old should apologise and pay you back for it somehow (pocket money?) But the 11 year old should have it replaced asap with a big apology.

Yes, they do! There are also ant houses..an aunt offered one to my son..😬

Sorry, responding to @VotingForYourself

Thank you and sorry for slightly derailing the thread with gift idea questions :)

I remember enjoying makeup at that age almost 30 years ago, I still had a childhood 😂

30 years ago there wasn't the relentless pressure of social media which even young children are exposed to these days.

I like the way the OP said, "no judgement please" and plenty have disregarded it and given their tuppence worth anyway.
You WILL have the benefit of my disapproval.

She bought it with her own money and could obviously tell it had been touched even if to you the difference is tiny - to her - it is not. I would replace it, and take the money from the younger ones pocket money over time. It is not fair on the older daughter - I would be pissed off if someone used without asking a blusher that cost me £20 quid now - when £20 quid is lot less to me than to an 11 year old who used her own money.
The 9 year old might usually be a good kid but she made a mistake and the consequence is she pays for a replacement.

I have it too, it was a gift and it is lovely

I'm feeling quite sorry for the elder DD. 11 is a horrible age anyway, hormones everywhere, no idea why you're feeling grumpy or teary, you just are. She's bought something she coveted with money she's saved and it's been used without her permission. Her reaction isn't just about the blusher. It's how unjust everything is when you're 11.

At risk of sounding like a lentil-weaving earth mother, I find empathy goes a long way. Things like "I can see how upsetting this is for you. You'd bought something special and whilst it still can be used, it no longer feels special".
And involve her in the problem solving "We can't undo what's happened. Do you have any ideas on what would improve things for you?" There might be something else - an object or an experience - that would replicate the "special" that's now gone with the blusher.

Offering to replace the blusher is misunderstanding the issue.

People reminisce about things that were precious to them in childhood, because it's related to the thread, and get sneered at and told this means they've obviously never had anything really bad happen to them . Strange conclusion to draw.

I’m not talking about the fond remembering of blue and green eyeshadows. I’m talking about the posters claiming their family relationships are still affected by a sibling breaking their favourite crayons as a child.

What they are likely upset about is a perceived favouritism throughout childhood. The OP called one of her children a good little girl and the other, who is the aggrieved party, hysterical and bossy.

I daresay that speaks to many of us.

By the way I was assaulted by a man when I was 20 who choked me unconscious then headbutted me to the floor. I have also experienced other violent assaults, some of a sexual nature, and lived in a violent environment for my formative years.

But I do still remember the times my mother clearly favoured my brothers over me. I don't dwell on it, or feel particularly upset about it anymore, but it affected my parenting dramatically as I was absolutely determined that my children would always receive fair and equal treatment.

Just because other posters feel a bit triggered by the OP favouring one child over another doesn't mean they haven't experienced greater traumas too.

The blusher cost twenty of our British pounds. But to DD it was special, and that specialness is priceless. The saving up bit by bit and the anticipation of owning it.

DD2 knew she shouldn't have touched it. So she waited until DD1 wasn't there to stop her. That slyness just adds to to the using it.

Any chance (based on some of OP's posts) that the 'OTT' reaction is a combination of all the above, plus hormones, plus...this not being the first time DD2 has damaged (however slightly) something of DD1's but there are no consequences for DD2 because 'there's no point'?

I showed this thread to my teen dd, she reads MN quite often - especially TV threads but never posts thankfully, she’s a kind, gentle girl and I’d hate her to be on the end of some of the snark on here! I asked her what she thought and she said she’d have been gutted that someone had used her precious thing, she’d saved up for, and been really angry and upset and it would never have felt the same after. It’s a perfectly normal way to feel.

I asked her what she thought I would have done and she said straight away “you’d have replaced it for me” and I think that’s what you should do OP and not listen to a load of MNetters backing you up in labelling your daughter ridiculous and spoilt. Maybe she is difficult sometimes but she’s right about this.

I'd replace it. I have children the same age as yours, and then younger toddlers. If the toddlers unfortunately break my older children's things, id replace it especially since it sounds like she really treasures this particular item.