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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blusher drama

133 replies

EndlessTreadmill · 28/01/2025 23:48

I have 2DD aged 11 and 9.
The 11 year old, like many girls her age is into the whole skincare thing (no judgement please, I don't encourage it but do let her have a few products). She used some of her pocket money to buy a Pixi blusher thing (£20 I think) . It comes in a stick like a deodorant and you turn the bottom to make it come out of the top, like a lipsick basically. It was a prized possession, and she has had it about 2-3 weeks.
Then this weekend the girls were together in DD11 's bedroom, DD11 went to take a shower and DD9 used the blusher. Unfortunately, she must have used it a little bit less carefully than DD11, and when DD11 went to use it, she saw some slight sort of creases in the top of the product, and a few small smudges on the side of it and she now says it is 'bumpy' and uneven and terrible to use.

Now honestly the 'damage' is very very minor, I wouldn't even have noticed it, the product is still almost new, probably looks like it would for most people who used it normally for a couple of months. However, DD11 is completely hysterical about it, and just cannot get over it.
DD9 is upset, and has promised never to touch her sister's things again, b is a good girl and kind to her sister (who bosses her about), and definitely did not trash the blusher - curiosity got the better of her and she just tried it once. So there is no point in punishing her etc, it won't make the blusher like new again.

Part of me is telling her to just get a grip. I have also said I will buy her another one when this one is finished, but she needs to finish it as it's just a complete waste to not use an expensive product which is virtually new and totally usable (neither I nor DD9 wear blusher!).

On the other hand, she says it was her treat, bought with her own money, and now she has no pleasure in using it etc. And that it will take about 5 years to use up, so the offer to replace when it's used is pointless, she is just going to stop using it.

I can't work out if I am pandering to a spoilt child by replacing it, or if this is the sort of incident which she will still be using as an example of childhood unfairness in 20 years time.

YABU replace the blusher now
YANBU tell her to get a grip and suck it up

OP posts:
SurelySmartie · 29/01/2025 01:03

Sorry not sure what to advise you do now but DD2 absolutely should not have used it. That would annoy me now let alone then. DD2 should not be rewarded by being given the blusher if it is discarded. Unless she is made to pay for a new one for DD1 in which case she could keep the used one.

Onlycoffee · 29/01/2025 01:06

You could have just said:
dd11 bought something she loved with her own money. It has value to her beyond it's primary use.

Dd9 took it without asking or without permission and put some marks in it. The item isn't technically spoilt but the specialness to dd11 is ruined.

Because that's the essence of it. Regardless of if being a blusher that you and dd9 don't use. Regardless of dd9 being kind to her bossy sister.

Regardless of dd11 being in the shower when dd9 took the item?? Like that's somehow mitigating.

Of course you should replace it for dd11 and there should be a consequence for dd9.

Original poster
EndlessTreadmill · 29/01/2025 10:43

Thanks everyone for the comments, very interesting to get your perspectives.

For those implying I prefer DD9, I just wanted to explain the balance of power between the two of them, and the fact that DD9 is not this malicious creature deliberately trashing her sister's things (she didn't 'steal' the product, she just used it, there is a difference).... and I will be honest DD11 is quite high maintenance, and for instance was crying hysterically yesterday (this happened on Sat) and saying she couldn't concentrate in maths class as kept thinking about this... which felt OTT to me, and that's why I wanted someone else's perspective.

But thank you again, helpful to read - I will offer to either replace it now, or buy her something else she really wants instead.

OP posts:
jolies1 · 29/01/2025 11:10

EndlessTreadmill · 29/01/2025 10:43

Thanks everyone for the comments, very interesting to get your perspectives.

For those implying I prefer DD9, I just wanted to explain the balance of power between the two of them, and the fact that DD9 is not this malicious creature deliberately trashing her sister's things (she didn't 'steal' the product, she just used it, there is a difference).... and I will be honest DD11 is quite high maintenance, and for instance was crying hysterically yesterday (this happened on Sat) and saying she couldn't concentrate in maths class as kept thinking about this... which felt OTT to me, and that's why I wanted someone else's perspective.

But thank you again, helpful to read - I will offer to either replace it now, or buy her something else she really wants instead.

She didn’t steal it but she did use it without permission which was wrong, and a lesson she needs to learn. You also need to understand what she did was wrong and unfair. Her big sister’s reaction is over the top, but she’s not in the wrong here.

Replace the item with a new one, or ask DD11 if there’s another item for the same amount she would like, so she can keep the blusher and have a nice new thing.

For those who think “it’s only makeup” - they’re kids. It’s the same as if she bought a lovely new notebook and her sister scribbled in the first page, or she bought herself a book and sister read it first. It’s hers, she bought it with her own money, she wants to keep it nice.

fashionqueen0123 · 29/01/2025 11:13

The blusher will still work. It’s not like she has snapped the top off or something! I’m sorry but I would tell my eldest to get a grip and there are worse things to worry about. Yes it’s annoying. Yes it upset her. But then move on. It can be a life lesson in learning what’s important.
How will she react if something bad actually happened in life? Learning resilience is important. That’s quite worrying it was distracting her at school.
She can still use it! The 9 year old needs to say sorry. And no I wouldn’t be replacing a £20 blusher for an 11 year old!

GreenGherkin · 29/01/2025 12:03

I’ve been the older sister in this scenario. DD2 probably purposely waited to her older sister was in the shower to touch it as she knew she didn’t have permission. That’s not kind behaviour, it’s sneaky. If you let her away with it now, she will continue to do this as your girls get older and get more makeup and the fights will only get worse as they enter teenage years. It used to drive me insane when my younger sister invaded my privacy at times where she specifically knew I wouldn’t be able to stop her. It started with makeup, then clothing and ended up with her even stealing my underwear. She ended up lying about it too, because when she owned up there were never really consequences, so why would she tell the truth and look bad? However, what caused me much more resentment was my mum excusing her behaviour and expecting me to just accept it as she was younger. If I had messed up or used my mum’s new make up without permission, I would have been in so much trouble. Yet I was expected not to fuss when it happened me, just because she was younger. No consequences made my sister callous and she can be very cutting. It still stings that my mum allowed it all these years later. I ended up leaving home as soon as I could and part of the reason was to finally get privacy. The way you describe your 2 children would be exactly how my mum had described us. It hurts when you aren’t the favourite.
You should take the £20 from DD2’s pocket money and give it to DD1 to either replace or buy something else special for her. You can’t just give her the money to replace it yourself, DD1 needs to be punished for it. DD1 might be acting dramatic in your eyes, but her privacy has been violated and a special possession has been tarnished. If you don’t address this now, I promise you she will remember it when she’s older and resent you. DD2 needs a firm telling off about boundaries and money taken off her every time this happens again

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 29/01/2025 12:08

Pinckk · 29/01/2025 00:10

Sorry but I’m going to say it…. You say it’s her money but someone had to take her to buy it surely? No 11 year old needs blusher, let alone £20 one!

Your child your rules fair enough but ridiculously expensive make up at 11? It’s a no from me.

Well you're not sorry because this comment is totally unnecessary & irrelevant to the situation at hand. She's hardly taken her daughter to buy hard drugs. It's a bit of blusher.

OP, I think given how upset your daughter is about her things being ruined I would offer to either replace it & I would absolutely not give the old one to the 9YO who really is old enough to know you don't touch other people's things. Or I would offer part replacement i.e. £10 towards a new one. But ultimately your 9YO has touched something that doesn't belong to her & needs to apologise sincerely to her sister.

Pinckk · 29/01/2025 12:28

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 29/01/2025 12:08

Well you're not sorry because this comment is totally unnecessary & irrelevant to the situation at hand. She's hardly taken her daughter to buy hard drugs. It's a bit of blusher.

OP, I think given how upset your daughter is about her things being ruined I would offer to either replace it & I would absolutely not give the old one to the 9YO who really is old enough to know you don't touch other people's things. Or I would offer part replacement i.e. £10 towards a new one. But ultimately your 9YO has touched something that doesn't belong to her & needs to apologise sincerely to her sister.

Show quote history

Genuine remark and I’m entirely free to make it. Fighting over a £20 blusher shouldn’t even be a thing at 11 years old!

spacepies · 29/01/2025 12:57

Replace it.
Im sort of the same with my things if i buy it its mine and i really take good care of it i dont like sharing somethings either but this is due to not having anything when i was younger.
Even if i did have something it would be taken and used by others and i hated it.

5128gap · 29/01/2025 13:08

DD1s OTT reaction is irrelevant really. You just need to focus on the rights and wrongs as an impartial adult regardless of whether she cries or shrugs it off. And objectively, if your belongings have been used without permission and spoilt, you're entitled to have that addressed. So yes, you should replace it. If that feels annoying to you, then you need to remember which DD is the cause of that, and if you feel inclined, get her to chip in from her pocket money, or let it go as you see fit.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 29/01/2025 13:12

Onlycoffee · 29/01/2025 01:06

You could have just said:
dd11 bought something she loved with her own money. It has value to her beyond it's primary use.

Dd9 took it without asking or without permission and put some marks in it. The item isn't technically spoilt but the specialness to dd11 is ruined.

Because that's the essence of it. Regardless of if being a blusher that you and dd9 don't use. Regardless of dd9 being kind to her bossy sister.

Regardless of dd11 being in the shower when dd9 took the item?? Like that's somehow mitigating.

Of course you should replace it for dd11 and there should be a consequence for dd9.

I think this post nails it for me. It's irrelevant that the "thing" in this case was make up, it's that something special to dd11 has been tarnished by her younger sister and she's upset - not surprising!

Also, you seem keen to downplay dd9's role - the fact that she waited until her big sister was in the shower to sneak in and use one of her special things isn't amazing behaviour! Its not just about the damage (negligible or not), she could have asked her sister to have a go (and respected the answer!).

MinnieBalloon · 29/01/2025 13:14

I’d replace it. It was her present that her sister has now ruined (in her eyes), and you’re not even addressing that as there is “no point”.

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/01/2025 14:08

Maybe buy her a new one and you have the old one OP? @EndlessTreadmill

LuckySantangelo35 · 29/01/2025 14:09

Pinckk · 29/01/2025 12:28

Genuine remark and I’m entirely free to make it. Fighting over a £20 blusher shouldn’t even be a thing at 11 years old!

Show quote history

@Pinckk

its irrelevant what you think about whether or not OP’s daughter should be able to spend her money on blusher.

Mizztikle · 29/01/2025 14:54

It doesn't need replacing just keep rubbing it on your arm or hand, your body heat and the motion will smooth it down.
They're sisters, these thing happen between siblings and you've already spoken to your younger daughter, some of this comments are really blowing things out of proportion.

WarmSausageRoll · 29/01/2025 15:01

The 11 year old is going through more hormonal storms than the 9 year old which you do sound like you favour. I would replace it for dd11 immediately and take away any pocket money or perks of dd9 to make up for the expense. I wouldn't give the ruined one to dd9 otherwise everytime she wants something she will just tamper with it so it ends up hers!

Apollo365 · 29/01/2025 15:04

I have this blusher - I’d be gutted if someone ruined it for me.

RockPaperS · 29/01/2025 15:05

Why can’t you take £20 off DD2’s pocket money? She gets the used blusher and DD1 can buy a new one.
I agree with PP, there needs to be a consequence for DD2 for not respecting her sister’s property!

LazyArsedMagician · 29/01/2025 15:05

Use a lighter or a candle to smooth it over, or smooth it using your hand and it will be fine, and have a conversation with both your daughters.

Younger one for not taking older one's things, she should apologise and if you feel appropriate, docked pocket money.

Older daughter you need to have a conversation about appropriate responses and over reacting. You're doing her no favours by not telling her that the "crying in class" about it isn't ridiculous behaviour.

WarmSausageRoll · 29/01/2025 15:08

Dd2 shouldnt be rewarded by getting the ruined blusher. She broke her sister's trust.

IfYouHaveGhosts · 29/01/2025 15:13

If its the same consistency as lipstick then running a lighter over the surface will fix it.

Likewhatever · 29/01/2025 15:15

EndlessTreadmill · 29/01/2025 10:43

Thanks everyone for the comments, very interesting to get your perspectives.

For those implying I prefer DD9, I just wanted to explain the balance of power between the two of them, and the fact that DD9 is not this malicious creature deliberately trashing her sister's things (she didn't 'steal' the product, she just used it, there is a difference).... and I will be honest DD11 is quite high maintenance, and for instance was crying hysterically yesterday (this happened on Sat) and saying she couldn't concentrate in maths class as kept thinking about this... which felt OTT to me, and that's why I wanted someone else's perspective.

But thank you again, helpful to read - I will offer to either replace it now, or buy her something else she really wants instead.

Listen to what older siblings are telling you, OP. Your DD9 is not as innocent as you see her, and your DD11 is boiling over with frustration and resentment. At 11 she’s in the grip of her hormones too, so maybe cut her some slack for being high maintenance.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 29/01/2025 15:34

I'm a younger sister and I used my sisters makeup products on the sly growing up, similar ages to your daughters.

She found out I was trying her makeup and she was really annoyed, I was just curious like your daughter. The problem is, I continued to try her stuff on the sly as there was no repercussions for me when I did this the first time. It was wrong, but I was young.

I guess where I'm going with this, your younger DD may continue to try and sneakily use her products if there are no real repercussions for her actions. She might be a good girl, but she shouldn't be using her sisters stuff without asking.

I'd nip this in the bud so she wont try to do this again. Maybe take pocket money away from younger daughter as a lesson learned , and us it to pay for older daughters replacement product?

Greyish2025 · 29/01/2025 15:43

EndlessTreadmill · 28/01/2025 23:48

I have 2DD aged 11 and 9.
The 11 year old, like many girls her age is into the whole skincare thing (no judgement please, I don't encourage it but do let her have a few products). She used some of her pocket money to buy a Pixi blusher thing (£20 I think) . It comes in a stick like a deodorant and you turn the bottom to make it come out of the top, like a lipsick basically. It was a prized possession, and she has had it about 2-3 weeks.
Then this weekend the girls were together in DD11 's bedroom, DD11 went to take a shower and DD9 used the blusher. Unfortunately, she must have used it a little bit less carefully than DD11, and when DD11 went to use it, she saw some slight sort of creases in the top of the product, and a few small smudges on the side of it and she now says it is 'bumpy' and uneven and terrible to use.

Now honestly the 'damage' is very very minor, I wouldn't even have noticed it, the product is still almost new, probably looks like it would for most people who used it normally for a couple of months. However, DD11 is completely hysterical about it, and just cannot get over it.
DD9 is upset, and has promised never to touch her sister's things again, b is a good girl and kind to her sister (who bosses her about), and definitely did not trash the blusher - curiosity got the better of her and she just tried it once. So there is no point in punishing her etc, it won't make the blusher like new again.

Part of me is telling her to just get a grip. I have also said I will buy her another one when this one is finished, but she needs to finish it as it's just a complete waste to not use an expensive product which is virtually new and totally usable (neither I nor DD9 wear blusher!).

On the other hand, she says it was her treat, bought with her own money, and now she has no pleasure in using it etc. And that it will take about 5 years to use up, so the offer to replace when it's used is pointless, she is just going to stop using it.

I can't work out if I am pandering to a spoilt child by replacing it, or if this is the sort of incident which she will still be using as an example of childhood unfairness in 20 years time.

YABU replace the blusher now
YANBU tell her to get a grip and suck it up

Get a sharp knife and cut a sliver off the top to get rid of the creased part, it will be good again
Your daughter needs to get a grip, sisters are always trying/ using each others things.

Member984815 · 29/01/2025 15:52

As someone who had a younger sister, whom I loved very much, please replace it . I had lots of products books etc ruined and was never replaced despite promises to do so. Give the younger sister the one she has sampled and remind her to respect her sisters property and ask permission before using them.