Why is he not in school

[Jackanorystory1]

Cousin has an autistic (non verbal) son. He went to childcare 1 day a week whilst she worked and has now stopped. They mainly stay home each day.
Dad is not in the scene at all. They live in a high rise so have no garden. DS will be 5 in March and he has not yet started school so has no friends and no one to play with. She doesn't take him to any groups so he is with her all day every day.
6 months ago she had another baby. DD from the same man as DS1.
DS1 has not yet started school and when I asked her why she claimed that he didn't have a place. Now I'm under the impression that all children receive a school place.
This must be harming the child by keeping him at home all day and not mixing.
Is it not against the law to keep your child at home.
I really do not know what to do. I would like to ask her what is going on but she tends to fly off the handle so quickly. Aibu to think that this is harming her child.

Can't be that exhausting if she decided to have another baby! What a silly decision.

She may have got pregnant accidently, many people do, and been unwilling to have an abortion. Or the dad may have promised to stick around and be in a relationship and changed his mind, leaving her with 2 kids and without his support.

I'm autistic and don't get these parents who keep popping them out and then moaning about it as if it wasn't their choice to add stress to their lives.

Theres no saying this woman is moaning, it's currently her cousin moaning.

Anyway, her poor child. There's no correlation between intelligence and being non-verbal so he's probably got plenty of awareness and many thoughts of his own, but I doubt his mother is giving him the opportunity to learn to communicate by spelling/typing. He'll probably end up stuck in misery with people who think he's stupid because he can't talk.

You doubt that a loving, caring mother, by ops own description, isn't giving this 5yo child opportunities to learn? You have absolutely no basis for that thought, and op doesn't even know what goes on outside of the 4 hours or so month she is there. Op, with all her judgement, doesnt sound like the type of person anyone could approach for advice or with any difficulties, so I imagine theres a lot she doesnt know.

So that poster is correct, you've pretty much made things up to suit whatever your own agenda is.

Based on my own experience of having a non verbal teen, and I mean completely non verbal not verbal in some situations and not other ,s most of the non verbal children I know including my own present as extremely disabled and csn only communicate in a very basic manner, and that's despite in having years of speech therapy and going to special school, s catered to their needs.

To people saying this child isn't on anyone's radar - how did he get his diagnosis then? Even going private (which it doesn't sound like the mum could afford) would mean assessments and reams of paperwork. If NHS it takes referrals from gp/HV/paediatric and numerous calls and assessment processes. So he must be on the radar somewhere. Or is @Jackanorystory1 saying he isn't formally diagnosed?

Like a previous poster said, if the mum has a new baby she'd have been at hospital/midwife appointments? HV would be in contact. Who took her older child while she was giving birth to the youngest?

@Jackanorystory1 in one post you can't offer support and know nothing about Sen children but in another you see them every 2 weeks - how then do you know absolutely nothing about his needs/situation? Where is the dad in all of it? He has nothing to do with it all apparently but came back after a few years to knock the mum up a 2nd time, then disappeared again??

She likely is totally overwhelmed and needs support. Like, actual support, not random, inaccurate comments of "well surely any school is better than none" and the like.

I don't think "many people" get pregnant accidentally if they're taking precautions. If you don't take precautions and have sex, you know that pregnancy is possible. Yes there's a small chance she didn't actively choose to have another child.

My agenda is the autistic child's agenda. Life with autism is painful, and if the child can't communicate that in a way that is understood, life must be so much more painful.

Speech therapy won't work if a person can't speak. It's a fine motor skill processing difficulty. There's probably a very normal level of intelligence within your child, with fully formed thoughts and ideas.

Try looking into communication techniques based around spelling, letter boards, typing, which use gross motor skills as opposed to fine.

I agree, if he has the right school it will definitely help, early intervention is the key. I'd be concerned too x

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You are so ignorant I don't know where to begin.

You know nothing about non verbal children so don't give advice. Spelling? You think they can all spell?! You also seem to think speech therapy is only about verbal speech.

There really isn't he presents very much like s toddler.

The kid is autistic and non-verbal. The chances are he won't make friends and won't want other children to play with. School is HARD on autistic children (I have one who is luckily verbal). She may have decided he shouldn't start until he is actually 5 or maybe she will home educate. My DD would rarely if ever leave the house if left to her own devices!

Pregnancy is possible every time you have sex. There's no telling if this was planned or not so its unfair to suggest that she's randomly 'popping out' kids without any thought (I also not there's no judgement if the dad in your posts, just the mum).

Again, there's no basis for you to think that a loving and caring Mother isn't doing her best regarding education, whether that's making the choice to defer him, to home educate or to fight for space at a suitable school. You have no idea, so your post was just made up nonsense.

Not all of them, just like not all verbal people can spell. Can you tell me what I'm ignorant about? Are you aware of the differences between fine and gross motor skills and why speaking is impossible but spelling possible? Do you think it's fine to leave people trapped in their own heads not being understood by anyone, when they are fully capable of communicating?

Theres no point trying to educate people like you. You already think you know it all. You make it sound like give your child a keyboard and crack on! You have zero idea what it takes to implement an alterative communication method. I don't think you even understand the options tbh. There's far more than spelling and speech. You also have no understanding of how severe learning difficulties also affect autism. Don't judge what you don't understand.

We've been using an alternative communication method for 10 years, all day everyday. You have no idea the challenges we deal with.

Haven't bothered?
You know Jack shit about what I have tried not tried, dont be so rude and ignorant .

FranticFractions, I think you need to leave it there. I'm assuming that your autism may make you unaware how rude and unhelpful your comments sound.

Oh please with the whole ‘I’m not being judgemental’, faux wide eyed nonsense. You can’t just plonk a non verbal autistic child in mainstream school just because ‘kids are meant to be in school’.

The mainstream system as a whole is completely unfit for ND children, even those without a learning disability. I’d say even worse for the latter, because instead of recognising from the start just how much support a verbal autistic child with learning capacity needs in every other area. My son with global delays has had high intervention since nursery (his second one, the first was horrendous), my other son who some may (wrongly) call ‘high functioning’ has been treated awfully because he can’t socially fit into the classroom environment leading to some awful meltdowns.

I also don’t take my children to the supermarket, because I’m a good parent to my SEN children. I know that the environment is completely triggering for them. Their wellbeing is my priority, but I also know that neither I nor the other shoppers need a child screaming blue murder because he just wants to sit in the fresh produce aisle poking the vegetables.

This is a disgusting comment. You know nothing of @x2boys or her DS. Not all autistic individuals are the same. Speech and language therapy is about far more than verbally being able to speak. For a start, good SALT includes the things you mention like a communication board and AAC.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!

And many of them end up traumatised by the experience.

This.

My non verbal severely autistic 17 year old isn't in school or college because there isn't one that is suitable. He had no education last term and is only getting something now because I took the LA to court.

I'm a disabled person born to a disabled and autistic mother... I BEGGED for siblings. It was just me and my mam and while my mother was amazing (more than could be asked for) its lonely not having extended family and watching the little you have pass away leaving you behind.

The most precious thing you can have is a family, thats why I made it my life priority to have one and to give my kids siblings.

My oldest is autistic and is no bother literally the easiest kid ever, my youngest maybe autistic, barely verbal and also no bother most the time (odd melt down when told no but most is happy). My middle child who is NOT autistic is bloody hard work however.

I know another woman with a high needs autistic DS who is nothing like my two and will never progress past needing full time care.

It can be wildly different (there is not a lump of 'autistic kids/parents' where you can say they 'shouldn't have more'. Also the mother has NOT said she can't cope, OP has applied that from having zero knowledge of SEN) but that doesn't mean that she nor her DS deserves to have the love of a family.

My autistic 8 year old isn't in school. Hasn't been since September 23. Not through lack of trying. He's known to physically harm staff as well as escape school grounds. Plus various other behaviours.

Our la has yet to find a suitable school. He's verbal but displays very challenging behaviours and absconds. His ehcp says special school but also states 6 hours of 1:1 a day.

He is challenging and because of this I don't allow anyone to care for him. I quite frankly trust no one to keep him safe. He can bolt quickly and he will hide. When he's with me at home I have cameras in side and out that will alert if he gets out and overall I know he's safe.

I don't take him out much either. We go to our weekly swim lesson that he enjoys so he's manageable. But other than that I will not take him out unless I have another adult with me as i recognise just a trip to a supermarket can be overwhelming for him and make him distressed. So the assistance could be needed.

Unfortunately there are too many children with additional needs with no school place. If a child has an EHCP they aren't allocated a place like other children. The plan is sent to the schools and they can say they are unable to meet the child's needs and not accept him. Special schools are full so many are waiting around for a space.