Why is he not in school

[Jackanorystory1]

Cousin has an autistic (non verbal) son. He went to childcare 1 day a week whilst she worked and has now stopped. They mainly stay home each day.
Dad is not in the scene at all. They live in a high rise so have no garden. DS will be 5 in March and he has not yet started school so has no friends and no one to play with. She doesn't take him to any groups so he is with her all day every day.
6 months ago she had another baby. DD from the same man as DS1.
DS1 has not yet started school and when I asked her why she claimed that he didn't have a place. Now I'm under the impression that all children receive a school place.
This must be harming the child by keeping him at home all day and not mixing.
Is it not against the law to keep your child at home.
I really do not know what to do. I would like to ask her what is going on but she tends to fly off the handle so quickly. Aibu to think that this is harming her child.

Well it would be odd if she admitted she didn’t care or had t bothered trying

“he doesn’t have a place” - easy thing to say

I don't know wether you are exaggerating or telling the truth op.
When she had her second baby who looked after her son when she went for check ups? Surely she must have been in contact with NHS staff for the baby? Meaning she must have left the house at some point? Where is dad in all of this aswell?
If you are telling the truth about her 'never' leaving the house then you owe it to both those children that she gets help.
Contact social services so they can offer her support if they aren't already doing so.
Cinema and outings like that with a sen child is most definitely overwhelming and not enjoyable for the child. If you have been in that boys life for as long as you say you have i find it odd you know nothing about children with autism?

Well said.

Not if it’s the wrong school. I spend a lot of time in my daughter’s school just now as she’s struggling and I seen dozens of children’s with SEN who absolutely shouldn’t be in a mainstream school. It’s not the place for them and it’s so sad to see. I also see children who should have been deferred and spent an extra year in nursery but the parents want the 6hrs leave a day rather than just the couple the nursery offered. The mind boggles honestly.

And what do you mean by flies off the handle? Do you just mean she reacts negatively when you are nosy and judgemental? Or do you mean something serious?

So, do you know that there is a school place available that meets his needs but she is just refusing to send him?

Other posters with experience of children with this level of SEN have made it clear that school places for children with severe learning disabilities are like hen's teeth.

I think you are being judgemental without having all the facts.

Yes, you clearly don’t and yet you’re still offering judgement. We kept our son behind a year to get his EHCP finalised and hopefully a specialist school named for him to start a year later. Her son would likely only get a place in mainstream without an EHCP and I as a parent of an autistic child who has no words will absolutely not send him. Do you know how terrifying it is sending a nonspeaking autistic child to a mainstream school where there is unlikely to be one to one support throughout the day? Have you any idea? It keeps you up at night, every night, terrified.

sounds to me like she cares for her son’s wellbeing deeply and needs some extra support to ensure he has the right provision for September - this will be very difficult to do without a nursery or preschool’s support.

staying inside admittedly day after day with no outdoor space must be very hard - my child wouldn’t cope - he is out all day every day, but a lot of autistic child can’t cope with that and prefer to stay at home - everyone is so different. It might be that the world is scary to him. How do you know he never goes out?

They are not as rare as hens teeth but are very variable depending on area
In my LA we have four special, s schools, two primary and two secondary ,one primary and one secondary cater for children with moderate to severe learning disabilities and the other two cater for children with severe to profound learning disabilities
We also have several autism Hubs
I realise we are luckier than a lotcof LA,s
But it is very area dependent.

Hi OP, if you’re telling us the whole truth and he really isn’t ever leaving the flat or interacting with the world or people at all, then this would be a concern in itself- not to take them off her but to support her.

Has she got a Health Visitor, as there’s a newborn?

Based on what exactly????

Perhaps you can help by having the children one day on the weekend.

Some strange answers here, I know you are just concerned for your cousin's son and if in 5 years it was found that he had been kept cooped up in the flat and not gone to school and social services were unaware etc, you would be criticised for not having questioned it. Of course children with special needs have to go to school or be officially home-schooled just the same as other children. She can't just keep him at home indefinitely unless she is home-schooling and that would need to be properly organised, not just keeping him at home. However obviously this might all be underway and at this point I would hope that the local authority are involved and she has support from social services etc and that she will be supported with finding him a school place or deciding the most appropriate setting. He may need an EHCP which is hard to get these days but if he is severely affected it should be less difficult. So I think all you can do is ask really and offer any help you can.

Your cousin should have applied for a school place for her child to start school last September. If she hasn't been offered a place, it's because she didn't apply and/or the local authority are not aware of her child. Once the child reaches statutory school age (5), your cousin will be required to ensure he's in receipt of suitable education. This could be home schooling, but a setting is by far the best place to have him assessed. If he's profoundly autistic, a nursery would have been able to already start the relevant steps to have him assessed.

I am readind a lot of nonsense on this thread, and it is alarming. Please support your cousin by encouraging her to apply for a school place immediately while also contacting her local SENDIASS team and requesting support. If she won't do either of these things, I would suggest you look into reporting to the LA yourself. The child must be visible, and mum must be supported.

Unless you watch them 24/7 you have absolutely no idea if they go out or not. He doesn't attend child care anymore as he is school age. He most likely doesn't have a school place as there's a huge shortage of send places. The local authority give parents the run around, ignore deadlines and couldn't care a less if children are out of school. Even if she hadn't applied for a place the ehe team would be in contact. I'm sure people believe if you don't send your child to school no one checks on them.

Personally my son has been out of school for two periods. 7 months and 18 months due to lack of placements. The amount of fighting it takes you couldn't even imagine.

His needs are very different and you are comparing him to the average child. The cinema and shopping would by my autistics child's idea of pure hell. We probably spend a lot more time at home than most. He's happy, healthy and fed.

I mean who WANTS to go to the supermarket with 2 small children?

Its not a wonderful life experience, its usually a bloody nightmare best avoided. I stay home with the kids while DH does the shopping, most people with the option too do this or get delivery its hardly 'odd'.

A SEN 5 year old at the cinema?

Most 5 years olds are only just getting that level of concentration and still struggle never mind one that got learning difficulties.

These aren't even standard 'must do' things with non autistic children so why you expect them of a single mam of 2 young kids with SEN is bizarre.

He is 4 years old, he must have had agencies involved in diagnosing him? I know there is no actual support after the fact, but how has this woman navigated a diagnosis by age 4 for a child who has never been in a nursery setting? It's bloody hard to evidence things for a diagnosis with no third party information so must have engaged with the agencies etc at some point.

It can be very hard getting a specialist place and I can imagine it's very easy for some children to be left with nothing if they don't have parents who frankly know the law and how to advocate and challenge. I do and even my own autistic children have had periods of time with no proper education due to local authority failures.

Have a chat with her, find out why, point her to some support or help her. If she has her own difficulties she may be entitled to a free advocate who can help.

Look at Ipsea and sossen for info

Genetic link
Mum does go to supermarkets or out, ever
Mum doesn't engage with family who raise issues
Mum is a germaphobe

No - the above isn't a direct indicator of autism, but there is autism in the family, the Mum clearly has her own issues based entirely on what OP has written. I'd hedge my bet that Mum is undiagnosed autistic too.

100% this ^

Genetic links doesn't always mean its inherited from a parent
My son has a rare chromosome disorder a micro deletion thought to be the underlying cause of his complex disabilities including autism, it wasent inherited from either me or his dad but is quite literally a genetic issue
Nobody has any idea wether this mother is autistic or not paticularly based on very little information.

Can't be that exhausting if she decided to have another baby! What a silly decision.

I'm autistic and don't get these parents who keep popping them out and then moaning about it as if it wasn't their choice to add stress to their lives.

Anyway, her poor child. There's no correlation between intelligence and being non-verbal so he's probably got plenty of awareness and many thoughts of his own, but I doubt his mother is giving him the opportunity to learn to communicate by spelling/typing. He'll probably end up stuck in misery with people who think he's stupid because he can't talk.

There's no need for that, what an awful thing to say.

You are so clueless

Enlighten me - what was incorrect?