Will we lose our home ? Should I lose a husband

[Derrygirl09]

Hi everyone 👋
I'll try and keep this short , we bought our first house 3 years ago , since then , me and my husband had a separation of 9 months , things had been bad tbh and I never would have bought a home with him but we found ourselves in need of somewhere new to live and had the means to buy a home , anyway , we decided to work through our issues and things have been going well since Christmas... Today I found letters he has hidden from me from land and property and turns out he has never paid the rates , like ever 🥺, we agreed that he would be responsible for them and he's told me numerous times they were paid for , we now owe 1000s and we honestly don't have the money., he's ignored the last letter that would have given him the option to pay off in installments, he's been working overtime every weekend for 5 months and I also buy all food , all school meals , all kids clothes ect I worked out he should have few hundred left at the end of the month after the bills he pays NOT Inc overtime ,and now he tells me NOW he tells me he couldn't afford it 😡 have I a right to be livid , and what will happen to the home now ? Is this unforgivable to you ?

Lots of couples I know have a joint account that they put all money for joint outgoings into but maintain separate accounts for things that they cover. If that’s the case here then when OP’s husband said he would be paying and had paid she would assume it was out of his money given he took the responsibility for it.

Whatever their set up, the ridiculous part is this grown arse man not coming clean about not being able to afford it after the first bill.

My ex husband did this repeatedly for 15 years. I divorced him.

She's in Northern Ireland, Rates are still very much a thing in NI. Just check out her user name, it's a pretty big clue!

Where is all his money going if he can’t pay it?
He needs to borrow it/ take out a loan

What do you mean by rates? Council Tax?

Your in ni. You can def get a payment plan. Contact ASAP. Sort it before it goes to court and you have more to pay

www.nidirect.gov.uk/campaigns/guide-rates

Can someone tell me how to reply individually lol maybe I'm stupid 🤷 we just both agreed no joint accounts because in his words he's bad with money , I'm aware it's my home and safety but why should I be responsible for absolutely everything, they are his kids too he had 2 jobs I asked had he set up direct debits and he said yeah all done , I didn't think I needed to worry on top of being responsible for absolutely everything eles it's a direct debit you set it up and that's it 🤷 tbh i'm responsible for absolutely everything eles I've bills coming out my ears 🙈 I've worked out the money , he should be able to afford it with few 100 spare before overtime

Stop jumping on posters!

OP of course this isn’t your fault. This is 100% a breach of trust and, when combined with other issues in the relationship, I would agree this likely marks the end of the relationship. He’s not being honest with you, and if nothing else, relationships need honesty and trust.

It's explained already in the post. Rates are the rates payable on properties in NI, similar to what people in England pay by way of Council Tax.

Absolutely. However my reply was saying that there’s every chance this expense wasn’t coming from the joint account given her husband said it was something he would solely cover.

Have just seen that OP has since now replied confirming they don’t have joint accounts. So it was up to him to flag it, and he didn’t.

You mean GB, NI is in the UK.

Call them first thing in the morning, they're usually fairly helpful. Explain everything, and get a payment plan sorted.

Then you need to get to the bottom of where his money's been going, is he a big drinker? Smoker? Any drugs? Gambler? He's been spending it on something.

Can you afford the mortgage and bills on your own? Cause I'd be turfing him out after this.

OP @Derrygirl09

To reply to an individual, you type the @ sign and go through the list of names the name will pop up that you want to reply to.

Three years rates shouldn't add up to that much do they . Anyway you absolutely should contact them to work out a payment plan . It costs them money to take you to court , get bailiffs. Any reasonable offer will do it. The fact that you contact will always go in your favour . In the meantime you have to have an honest discussion about finances . He needs to disclose his income and outgoings to you. If there is a huge gap you need to know why . Gambling , drugs , debt he should not be keeping this from you. Otherwise get rid for good this time. Make arrangements about the house and file for child support .

To reply individually, click on the " Quote icon underneath their post. A new post will open, with theirs at the top and a place for you to type your reply.

@Derrygirl09 or press "quote" underneath the comment from the person you want to reply to.

@suburberphobe thanks 😊

That is just awful, I would be beside myself with rage and betrayal.

Whilst I agree it's bad, it's not as bad as it could have been. Three years of rates isn't that much, unless they live in a large house under an expensive area.

But overall, it's certainly a betrayal, and this would be relationship ending for me. I just didn't want OP to get freaked out about the amount they need to pay.

@Derrygirl09 You're welcome.

Can't help you with your dilemma - long time since I lived in N.I. - but loved my time in Derry.

I am surprised they haven't tried to get the money directly through his wages. I have had these kind of orders before for employees in NI.

He's not a massive over drinker tbh , he's hardly gone out because he can't afford it everything is he can't afford it yet he got a better job and does overtime I've wrecked my brain for ages because I don't understand it , tbh his mum was crying poverty and had to sell her house and was crying she nowere to go , she hasn't worked in 20 years and now she's bought a lovely house in a very sought after area here , which I've never understood how 🤔 tbh there was alot of whispers behind my back on occasions leading up to it , I suspect he's on her mortgage too if that's possible now tbh