Do you/would you let your Dc to play at their friends home with only the dad there?

[Thegardenisgettingoutofhand]

And the teenage brother?

Dc is 6, friend on the street regularly comes to play and vice versa. We know the family, very nice. Generally it’s at weekends, mum is there, dad works, sometimes after school.
It seems to be the dad at home this week. Dc’s friend just popped in to play now and asked if my Dc can go to their house later.
The dad is there and the teenage son (18 ish)

Am I being weird even thinking about it?

As a man, I disagree. Men or women might be abusive, that's not an insult. Then the numbers tell us that men are the perpetrator in roughly 90% of child sex abuse cases.

In my view, it's fine to take that into account.

(It's also reasonable to say that both absolute rates are fairly low, so the 9x difference should not be the deciding factor. Both views are valid and neither is weird or deserve to be stigmatised).

No I absolutely would not! Think about this for a minute. What could happen. Is it worth the risk????

@Thegardenisgettingoutofhand At 6 years old, I'd be going with her on play dates

Yes you are being unreasonable. I think it's very sad how all men have suddenly become untrustworthy.

Personally, no. But I won’t let my primary aged children go to other people’s houses without me regardless if there’s an older male there I don’t know. I won’t go into why, but it’s justified for me. My children couldn’t tell me if something untoward happened to them regardless but that’s not the primary reason. Of the males I've known to harm children, you’d never believe for a second from the outside they were capable of it.

It is very sad, but times have unfortunately changed and the ones to blame for this, aren't the parents being cautious/paranoid.....

I have two friends with daughters with no Mum - one there are two Dads, and the other lost his partner when their daughter was only a few weeks old. Both have received so much discrimination when it comes to trying to include their daughters it's really sad to think that people wouldn't let their children go on play dates to their homes.

if you mean that children are more at risk today, it's not true.

You might be more aware, and parents a lot more cautious but - depressingly - child abuse is not a modern thing.

I’d be the same as you. As well as the dad who you know, the teen brother is a total unknown really. He might have his friends round too. You have no idea what his friends are like. We’ve seen too much in the news but why take a risk with your daughter 🤷‍♀️. Some might. I wouldn’t, sorry. Trust your gut.

It’s news like this that is horrifying.. paywalled here but probably in other news)

(not bashing gay dads - just an example of dads abusing kids. Who knows if anything happened to their friends too. These people were assessed in detail by adoption agencies. We just never know)

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2024/12/24/gay-couple-raped-adopted-boys-100-years-prison-atlanta/

@strawberrycrumbles I never said it was? However the population has increased ten fold since we were kids and with that increase, comes more predators! Also the internet has allowed those who perhaps just had 'thoughts' to become more of a real, genuine risk.

I can’t believe I'm having to point this out to you, tbh!

Someone asked upthread 'what about male teachers' . Well I was warned by my mother to stay well away from a particular male teacher. A few years after I left, his hard drive (might have been floppy disks at the time) was checked. My mother was spot on with her instincts. She also got a pretty good balance between letting us have freedom and keeping us safe.

But we can't always rely on our instincts. Some people are incredibly charming and can get through. A friend who respects your boundaries and doesn't take offence is more likely to have your child's safeguarding at heart then one who gets annoyed or upset.

You seem to confuse your opinion with facts, that's all.

I would bring up any daughter of mine to be very wise regarding aberrant male behaviour. I don't know any adult female friend or family member who hasn't experienced some level of male sexual harassment or abuse.

Yes and also the poster who wouldn't let her (approx) 9 y/o daughter walk down the corridor of their hotel alone to put some rubbish in the trash

I get sick & tired of hearing "the world is a dangerous place" as if kids are more at risk than they used to be. They are no more at risk now. And the risk is tiny

If you think about what could happen in every scenario you'd never leave the bloody house

I've taught my dds not to worry unnecessarily about things that have the tiniest risk of happening. On the other hand, dd1's friend was paranoid about any man that walked past them in the street, because of her mum wrapping her up in cotton wool and making her believe that no stranger could be trusted. She didn't worry however about the men that they already knew!

One of my DD8s best friends is being raised by a single dad.

She's been for plenty of playdates there. It has honestly never occurred to me to find it weird.

Yes, no problem.

My DH will host playdates because I’m at work and he’s the sahp. I don’t think that’s weird.

And we wonder why there are so few male role model teachers in primary schools.
Part of me was relieved when my DH had to retire early due to ill health. He had to constantly be aware of there being anything that could put him at risk. If he was working in his classroom during lunch break and a child came in for something he'd have to jump up and stand in the first, or if an upset child tried to hug him, he'd have to peel them off. No female teacher has to worry about any of that.

This new global suspicion of all men who are in contact with children, is just mad. The cold on the OP is going for a playdate. She'll be with her friend the whole time.

A reminder every so often of the pants rule and that there are no secrets, is always a good idea, play dates or not. But beyond that, no, I'd not worry.

I have a mum who's a probation officer and I'm a trainee social worker and play dates are a no go for me. You just never know what does on behind people's doors

Theres a reason why youth organisations, schools, nurseries etc have safeguarding regulations... its because some people are abusers. For example, im not allowed to be completely alone with a child at work... its always three people. Those rules protect the adults and the children.

Now I’m wondering if we surprised anyone by never considering this (minus one specific sleepover). My husband and I both have jobs and lives and our kids are in and out of our house and friends houses and there are often extra kids here. It never occurred to me to consider which adult would be here or to ask anyone else. Most of my kids’ friends have two working parents so it could be either parent.

my daughter has a friend with a single dad and goes there often. What exactly would the alternative be?