Do you/would you let your Dc to play at their friends home with only the dad there?

[Thegardenisgettingoutofhand]

And the teenage brother?

Dc is 6, friend on the street regularly comes to play and vice versa. We know the family, very nice. Generally it’s at weekends, mum is there, dad works, sometimes after school.
It seems to be the dad at home this week. Dc’s friend just popped in to play now and asked if my Dc can go to their house later.
The dad is there and the teenage son (18 ish)

Am I being weird even thinking about it?

Nope.

Wouldn't even occur to me, we've had plenty of kids over when it's only been DH and teen DS in. It's mind boggling to me someone would have an issue with that.

In real life is very different from MN.

@MyProudHare isn't this always the difference with these threads though, the people that couldn't conceive it and those who know of it.

I think you are very wise to think about it and do a towel assessment based on how well you know the family.

I always made the parents aware if their child would be left with someone other than me for a while. I've got no idea what their early life experiences are and how they might risk assess based on those.

Bloody hell. How sexist are you?!

This has never occurred to me to check. I've also never checked with anyone's parents if my husband happens to be the one home. Minus once when a friend was sleeping over who lives just with her mum. I wondered how she'd feel about being in a house with my husband overnight as I was going to be out with friends for quite a while. She didn't care and her mum didn't either.

No, I wouldn't. But you'll get absolutely flamed on here for even asking the question. Its the same response when people ask about male nursery staff and male midwives.
If you're hesitant, your gut is telling you something and I don't ignore that.

Not all men a paedophiles. Most aren’t.

My children didn't do play dates in private houses, we only did parks, soft play or another public place, no sleepover either.

You can say no for whatever reason, it's fine.

No I wouldn't. I am paranoid due to my past.
I make no apologies for it.
Teens these days are exposed to all sorts online so an even bigger no from me.

Would all those saying no be okay with other mums calling your husbands and teenage sons abusers?

Nope. I was assaulted by a friends dad at their house when I was 7. The mum was out. I’d been lots before but never when she was out. He was waiting for his opportunity. My dd doesn’t go to anyone’s house where there isn’t a woman present.

My DC spent vast amounts of time in the neighbours houses, likewise them us, quite often just the dad at home (likewise DH), but I knew them all very well.

But I wouldn’t have been happy with the DC spending much time at a house where I didn’t know the parents. And usually I knew the mum from the school gates not the dads. So that would have influenced me. Plus their age at the time.

However I SHOULD have been worried about my DC being at the house of a young male family member, who ended up convicted of having the worst kind of images. Very luckily he happened to be never alone with them. (Just to be clear he has not seen them since he was arrested, and we did not have the slightest suspicions before then).

So if anyone is ever uncomfortable, and has their own boundaries for whatever reason, then I’d accept that.

Yes of course.
If I thought the dad was a paedo then I'd report him to the police and not allow my kid near him.
If not then I wouldn't assume he was safe with a woman present and a rapist without?

What would happen if the persons mum was dead? Would you think they shouldn't have play dates?

Nothing is guaranteed risk free but this sounds fine. The other child will be there. It’s not a good message to suggest that men are likely to be abusers- they are not, though it’s terrible when they are.

We're not calling them abusers, people can have preferences about the people they leave their children with for any reason, that's their perogative.

That’s like saying you wouldn’t allow your child to go to a black person’s/ Asian person’s/ white oerson’s house because you were once assaulted by a person of that race.

You are being sexist! There's no reason to think the dad would be less competent than the mum.

Yes wouldn’t occur to me that this is an issue

No one is talking about throwing accusations around. But i would respect any mum making a private decision re the safety of her child.

The important thing is not to send your child to a family home unless you know them well enough. It’s nothing to do with their sex.

Why else would you say no unless you thought their husbands and sons were abusers?

It has never even occur to me not to. I don't think I've ever even asked if it was mum or dad at home when there was playdates or sleepovers?

Do you think it’s obvious when men are pedophiles and sexual deviants? It isn’t. These men live among us. They’re granddads, husbands, brothers, cousins, camp leaders, football coaches, driving instructors, taxi drivers