Do you/would you let your Dc to play at their friends home with only the dad there?

[Thegardenisgettingoutofhand]

And the teenage brother?

Dc is 6, friend on the street regularly comes to play and vice versa. We know the family, very nice. Generally it’s at weekends, mum is there, dad works, sometimes after school.
It seems to be the dad at home this week. Dc’s friend just popped in to play now and asked if my Dc can go to their house later.
The dad is there and the teenage son (18 ish)

Am I being weird even thinking about it?

It’s not personal to him AT ALL, I don’t think it about him specifically, it would be anyone in this situation whilst she’s still so young

Yes, you are being weird. In the worst way too if you're implying that because the dad and brother are men, they might be abusive.

It doesn’t specifically have to be aimed at him as an individual. If you’ve ever been through something horrific at the hands of an adult when you were a child it can make you question everything when you become a parent yourself.

Abusers hide in plain sight and OP has the right to have concerns about who she leaves her child around. It doesn’t mean she’s seen anything she’s worried about or necessarily has a “bad” feeling about this man. It just may be purely that’s she’s had bad experiences in the past etc which have opened her eyes to things other parents might not even think twice about.

Personally there's no way I'd let my child go in that circumstance and not a hope her Dad would let her. I don't care if that makes me out to be paranoid or whatever else anyone wants to call me. Statistically the odds of a child being abused by a woman are so much lower than by men.

But yet it does happen.

DD has had play dates with just the dad there, there are two dads in particular who I know as well as the mums (their wives) and they've both done emergency pick ups for me.
If my instinct told me otherwise then of course she wouldn't be going but if it's a dad you know well then I don't see why it's odd.

I don’t think you can even begin to compare

Depends. My daughter was friends with a girl whose mum was lovely but the dad gave me the creeps. He was always asking for my daughter to come round but I never let her. If you like them and get a good sense then do but if you’re unsure then trust yourself. Only you can decide. You sound like a nice mum.

No, I wouldn’t.

So you accept that women can abuse your kid but you don't question a single mum or female babysitter only the single dad or male babysitter... both happens.

I let my DD play at friend’s houses with Dads that I know.
I do have one exception currently where the older brother (10) has been known to access pornography, made a comment about a 7 year old’s body at the beach and once touched my DD on the bum ‘by accident’. DD is not allowed to play at that house regardless of which parent is present.

But with women is v v rare in comparison

I didn’t question a single dad specifically??

Above was meant to be for you, I didn’t mention single dads specifically

In my group of school mum friends, the dads often have the children while we go out drinking.

OP what are you saying?

Yanbu. I have a policy that I won't let the DC go to a child's house if only the dad is there. There's only two dads I'm comfortable breaking that rule with because they're both close friends of mine. Its not personal to the other dads, it's just a blanket rule because child abuse is happening in plain sight and it's men doing it, and we have no way to know which ones. This is my prerogative as a mother. There are far too many situations in which women are told they are being silly when their instincts are telling them no.
So OP you're completely within your rights not to allow this.

But still it does happen. Most of you say you are happy to let your children play at a friend's house with mum at home with mention that women ate abusers too. I just find it ironic.

Of course. But then my go to babysitter is also a man.

Are you a man?

No. I am a female with a husband. Married +25 years and have 3 children (2 at university) - apart I don't understand why it's important for you to know.

Well, just don't let her go then. Problem solved.

Often the answer to these things.

If I knew the Dad, then yes, Why ever not? 🤷‍♀️

I always felt really uncomfortable at friends’ houses if I was the only girl there. Also really hated having male babysitters.

I was never abused, never had any sort of adverse experiences like that growing up. But I just did not feel at ease being left with boys and adult men and no other girls or women around. I can only describe it as a kind of animal feeling of threat and danger.

I’m the same these days, to some extent - I don’t like the feeling of walking into a pub where there are no women there, don’t like being in meetings where I’m the only woman. I immediately feel the hairs on the back of my neck go up.

It’s different if it’s male friends, relatives, etc. but even then I prefer mixed company generally.

This poster's priority is her child. You have absolutely no idea what this man is like ( nor do I) but you are getting all offended on his behalf 😂. I would rather err on the side of caution like OP.