Do you/would you let your Dc to play at their friends home with only the dad there?

[Thegardenisgettingoutofhand]

And the teenage brother?

Dc is 6, friend on the street regularly comes to play and vice versa. We know the family, very nice. Generally it’s at weekends, mum is there, dad works, sometimes after school.
It seems to be the dad at home this week. Dc’s friend just popped in to play now and asked if my Dc can go to their house later.
The dad is there and the teenage son (18 ish)

Am I being weird even thinking about it?

For what reasons please? They are two doors down, usually play on the trampoline and I can see then from my window

I'm not judging your choice, if you are happy to let your 6 year old play at other homes that's fine, entirely up to you.

This is unfair.

its one of those better to be safe than sorry situations. Yes, the family is probably normal, but there will more often than not be that ‘what if’ thought. It’s her daughter. She’s only 6. It would be life changing for everyone if she came to harm in the hands of a man. Not life changing for anyone for the mum to make sure shes happy with her going.

Oh no I know, I wasn’t being defensive, I was genuinely curious about your reasons as I sometimes wonder if it’s too young

OP 's daughter is not going to be alone with her friend's dad and brother. Her friend will be with her. They'll be playing together and this isn't a sleepover.

I wouldn't have any kind of problem with this..

I am still waiting for someone to answer me, and clarify if they make firm demands when leaving a child with a woman, forbidding her to leave the house/ have her own husband/ boyfriend/ brother coming over, leave the husband in charge...

Because either you are consistent or you are not!

I can't say it has ever crossed my mind until tonight that someone could have a problem if DH instead of me was there for parents to pick up their child. I never know which parent will be responsible of my own kids when I pick them up from a friend either.

No, but because I live so close, I know when mum is home or not

are you literally keeping track of their activity? Now that's weird.

I think it's a fair question.

I guess I sort of (semi subconsciously) risk assess it, like everything else in life. I also go with gut feeling.

If I know the dad / the family fairly well and they seem nice, I generally wouldn't have any problem with it.

But if I'm a bit unsure about them, or don't know them well, then I'd be more wary of a playdate hosted by the dad than by the mum. I guess my threshold for risk would be a bit different for dad vs mum.

It would also depend on the age of my child. And which other kids/siblings would be there, and what they were like.

In general I've always been fine with dads hosting and probably would be fine with the case you describe. But I don't think it's a crazy question.

Of course not, but the dad works at weekends and the mum works Mon-Fri normal hours, it’s fairly easy to get a gist of neighbours comings and goings in that way, can even just look out to see the mums car there

When dd has been asked for play dates it’s been arranged by the mum and myself. I would presume she’s hosting it. If I found out later that she’d left with dad dd wouldn’t go back. That’s as much as I would do. I have never had a situation were it was clear it would be only dad. The only thing similar was when dd was asked to go to a party and the dad was going to pick up and take as the venue was an hour away. I just made an excuse.

Honestly no. Better safe than sorry. The main thing is whether you trust the people you leave your child with though.

To many, Jimmy Saville seemed fine ....

So every man is now considered to be a possible Jimmy Savile? Really?

You need to do whatever you feel comfortable with. There were very few men I would have left my 6 year old dd with.

The facts are about 75 to 90 per cent of sexual abuse is committed by men or male adolescents and about 10 to 25 per cent by women or female adolescents. Both male and female perpetrators abuse minors of any gender, however women are more likely to abuse boys while men are more likely to abuse girls.

So statistically your dd would be safer with a woman.

Personally probably not. Unless I knew him really well, but even then, you never really know someone.

I would subtly insert myself and be there with DC

what I find frightening is the number of children raised in fear of MEN and possible assault. That can't be healthy.

What does your dd think? If she is independently able to to the loo and is happy why not? Presumably she will be with her friend anyway, and can go home/ call you if wants to.

Wow. I have only browsed over the first page and I’m shocked at posters giving the OP a hard time about being a protective parent when we live in a world where paedophiles seem to be left, right and centre.

You are NOT being unreasonable OP and before posters start jumping on me I have a very healthy relationship with my fathers, my brothers and every other man who has ever been in my life.

It’s a natural instinct to feel this way when we live in times of uncertainty and every time you read a newspaper it’s tales of horrifying events involving awful people of this world committing all sorts, usually adult men.

I personally wouldn’t OP if you’re already having doubts. You just can never know and I think 6 is too young! The posters here would be the first to jump on you if something happened … it would be ‘fancy letting your 6 year old go in a that house in the first place’

I wouldn’t care about looking over protective or silly if it involved the safety of my children.

We shouldn’t have to have these thoughts or think this way but unfortunately the unsettling information that is constantly thrust upon us makes us think like this.

There is no need for people’s attitude towards the OP here when she is just trying to do the right thing.

Bottom line … you do what YOU think is best for YOUR child.

If I had any doubt about the safely of my child, If I had any worry about the man in the house, like a poster already said, I would not allow them in the neighbour's house EVER, with or without the mum there.

It would be a no for me.

My daughter's best friend was a single dad, his wife had died.
I was happy to send my daughter over there to play so the kids could still be kids even though their mum had died.
I don't see abusers around every corner.

It makes me a bit sad when things like this come up. My step daughter has a lot of friends with separate parents (obviously including her own) and it would make it very difficult for them to catch up if all the dads houses were off limits.

Yes. Because o either trust the family or I don't. If I genuinely felt there was a risk, it would be there regardless so I wouldn't allow the friendship .

I have real concerns that you will pass on your irrational fear of men to your daughter. This could possibly leave her unable to form meaningful relationships with men in the future. Unlikely I know but definitely a possibility.