Do you/would you let your Dc to play at their friends home with only the dad there?

[Thegardenisgettingoutofhand]

And the teenage brother?

Dc is 6, friend on the street regularly comes to play and vice versa. We know the family, very nice. Generally it’s at weekends, mum is there, dad works, sometimes after school.
It seems to be the dad at home this week. Dc’s friend just popped in to play now and asked if my Dc can go to their house later.
The dad is there and the teenage son (18 ish)

Am I being weird even thinking about it?

@Pyjamatimenow of course it's your choice. But you must understand that not everyone feels that way? Branding all men unsafe around kids unsupervised? Many would think that's a bit extreme. What about male doctors, nurses, teachers, etc?
If you've you're own reasons that's fair enough, that goes without saying. But I can't help thinking it could seem a bit OTT.

Do you understand the concept of odds?!

And there are many many cases of abuse by sport coaches, scout leaders, teachers etc. That's why safeguarding policies exist. I'm very surprised by some of the reactions here, I totally understand the OPs hesitation.

I do but if you are so concerned you shouldn't let women look after your child either.

No. Obviously not. But nobody is calling anyone an abuser, are they?

What they’re actually saying is that there is a risk which is higher from men than it is from women, and that keeping their child safe is far more important to them than potentially hurting the feelings of a probably perfectly innocent man. And that is something that neither I nor my DH would have a problem with.

MN is a funny old place. You're neglectful if you let your 8 year old go the shop but unreasonable to consider who you leave your 6 yr old with!
I don't think it is unreasonable to consider who we leave our DC with is it?
If you know them, get good vibes then all good. If not probably fine to be a bit cautious.
It's not about the worst case scenario, my friend let her then 6 year old go to a playdate who's mother then let them out to wander the streets in a not so great area. Plenty people just have bad judgement.

I think as parents (particularly mothers) we can be hyper vigilant of any threat to our children and we are prone to worry, often unnecessarily. We can't know whether our worrying is shielding our children from harm, or blocking them from some healthy, normal, happy experiences.
My friend uses a crèche at her local gym for her 10.month old. I am sure it is perfectly lovely, but all the same, I won't leave my daughter there because the "but what if"s are too strong. It means I miss out on gym time. I'm okay with that.
My DD was invited to a friend's for tea. The girls are only two. I asked if I could stay and the mother said that I could, but it might be better if I dropped my DD off for a couple of hours? I think she was probably just hoping that we could work a system out where we take it in turns to watch the kids while the other has a break, but I wasn't completely comfortable with it. Almost certainly my DD missed out on a lovely tea party because I worry too much, but I'm okay with that over taking any risks when she is this little.
I am sure your daughter will be okay if you decide to say no to playing over there this time, but equally the probability is that she will be fine if you let her go. Trust your gut, OP. x

You clearly don’t.

Well, they might be.

Yes of course I understand other people might think it’s ott. In the same way other people seem naïve to me I guess.

I mean the logic does work on a percentage base.

Though at that point male family members are the biggest risk. Then just males.

Don’t recall ever being told if I got lost at the shops to go find a daddy. It was always to go find a mummy or a little old lady (as well as the obvious if I saw police in there)

I was assaulted as a child by a friend's older brother. When my DD was a child I had a policy of playdates only in public places or at my house. I found it easier to have a blanket rule of no playing in other people's houses.
On the positive side it meant I got to know her friends really well. DD is grown up now, and we talked about this recently. Turns out that she just assumed that we "happened" to have things on every time there was talk of sleepovers, and the fact that I kept her very busy with extra curriculars so there was little time for socialising passed her by too.

I wouldn't have let mine, but not because it's 2 adult men, simply because 6 is too young for me to be happy to leave them in someone else's house.

Sadly I am well aware, which is why I am a very cautious parent and have these rules that mean my children have rarely been looked after even by well liked and trusted family members as well and never in a friend's private house, even if it's an all female household.
I know who is in MY house and that's what I am comfortable with as a parent.

If I felt comfortable with the Dad and brother then yes I would, but not if I felt any weird gut feelings.

I was brought up by a single dad and had a brother too, and I had friends who weren’t allowed to visit as there was no woman present. It was hard for me as a kid to understand this but now as an adult they were clearly just being protective.

What a depressing thread. It would never have occurred to me not to send my children to a male household to play. But I'd only let them play at a house where I know the parents and if I had any doubts about the individuals then of course it'd be a hard no. In this case it seems the OP's hesitation is based on the innate maleness of the parent present, rather than any evidence of wrongdoing, and that strikes me as terribly sad.

So it's only other men who are predators?

It's either yes or no .

If yes, you have a poor argument.

If no, then your own child's father shouldn't be allowed to look after his own child.

Oh this thread makes me sad as my 7yo dd has 2 teen brothers, I'd hate if any of her friends parents didn't let them play because they thought my son's (or DH) were going to do anything sinister! To be fair my teens stay in their rooms if dd has friends over as squealing little girls running around are very annoying to a 13 and 16yo!

Having said that, I suppose I understand the rationale and I wouldn't organise a play date if I wasn't here anyway so hopefully that issue won't arise. I know all of dd's close friends parents well and have socialised with them as couples and families over the last 2 years so I would be comfortable with her having a play date even with just the dads so I like to think they'd feel the same.

I think a lot of posters would feel horrified at how common child on child's sexual abuse is. It is part of the reason why foster children require their own bedrooms.

For what reasons please? They are two doors down, usually play on the trampoline and I can see then from my window

It's reasonable to have the concern. Have you taught your dd about private parts and not keeping secrets (nspcc website has some stuff) ?

It's fine to let her and fine to have a slight concern. There's nothing wrong with being aware.

@modernshmodern I’m not really convinced teaching children about private parts protects them when a man takes it into his head to molest them. It might mean they tell you about it but by then it’s too late.

Absolutely, children can't talk their way out of that situation unfortunately. But it hopefully teachers them it's wrong and they need to tell someone .