Can your husband cook without a big fuss?

[Oyoh]

For example could he make a roast dinner and sticky toffee puddding without trashing the kitchen, pestering you for help/asking where things were and without losing his cool?

Would be served resentfully on cold plates with various things being stone cold. He was never able to time things so would cook one thing then move on to the next rather than multi tasking. Would stare at his phone while one thing cooked rather than lay the table.

Would be served up with increasing anger if everyone didn’t run and sit down immediately. When I cooked he would often have to go for a lengthy toilet trip as soon as I announced the food was ready!

He just didn’t enjoy cooking. He’s an ex now anyway. Eats ready meals and take away left to himself.

No. He probably can but he won't. He warmed us some Covent Garden soup in the microwave on Monday and the packets are still on the side. I would normally just bin them but I haven't this time to see what happens. Bit grim really.

Yes. I find basic life skills and the ability to emotionally regulate, an absolute basic standard for a partner.

Dh's previous marriage, 3 kids, he probably cooked half a dozen times apart from basic bbqs. And by cooking I mean chicken nuggets and chips.

I wasn't having that so now, 17 years together, he can cook.

I enjoy cooking and I’m good at it – but even I would trash the place a little bit and loose my cool!

he could cook but expects a big fuss over the outcome!

He could but I imagine there would be some fuss and quite a lot of questions. Just like I probably would if I tried to fix the boiler/rewire/fix a part on my car all of which he does. I generally do most of the cooking apart from when I’m at work and he generally does most of the DIY. Works for us.

Dh is a much better cook than me and the kitchens spotless!

Yes, DP is an incredible cook. All manner of cuisines, he makes his own pasta and bread, and he's a great baker too.

I'm the one who can't cook without getting into a flap. I can just about follow a few simple recipes in roughly triple the time they say it will take, but I'm too much of a klutz to do it without some unfortunate spill or breakage, and if something unexpected goes wrong I'm very bad at keeping calm. (In the kitchen, at least - I can keep calm and problem-solve in other areas where I'm confident in what I'm doing but I don't really know what I'm doing in the kitchen other than trying to follow recipes to the letter.)

If I could start again one rule I would have is whoever cooks cleans up too.

DH is a good cook and loves cooking. He probably cooks 3 or 4 nights a week, more if he's not working. I don't think I cooked for 2 weeks over Christmas. (I did bake)
He always seems to use an enormous number of bowls, pans, or kitchen utensils, half of which seem unneccessary many of which are too big, or don't fit in the dishwasher. He's a lot less enthusiastic about clearing up or wiping spillages. I sometimes think the payoff of having someone cook is not worth it for the clean up operation.

He's not a great baker, so I wouldnt be confident about sticky toffee pudding. The last cake he made was served raw despite him asking my opinion, and me saying it wasn't cooked.He doesn't need or want my opinion for any savoury or main meals, but admits I'm a better baker.

This.
My DH is a much better cook than me.(I'm the Baker!) 🍰

He will cook simple dinners , but wouldn't make pastry .
However he has made bread before using the kitchenaid to knead the dough .
He has made sultana fairy cakes one evening when he wanted something sweet but isn't a baker of cakes usually , and is messy in the kitchen .

Will add , his mother is a bad cook so he used to do stuff at home so I guess it's the norm for him.

Yes. He does tend to use a lot of pans though! But no more mess than I would make.

Mine can cook (used to when he lived on his own) but generally doesn't. He does nearly all cleaning and all laundry so I'm happy to cook. On the rare ocassions he does cook anything it'd be ready made oven food eg pizza/chicken steaks etc and would somehow take longer than normal and he'd spend so long cleaning up it'd be stone cold by the time we ate.

I think you are allowed to change the rules as you like on this one!

My dh can and does regularly. He cooks at least twice a week.

Yes. He cooks regularly. I cook more often just due to finishing work earlier but he will then do the dishwasher and tidy up after.
He doesn't usually make puddings or bake so I might get questions on the sticky toffee pudding but I have faith that he would be able to make one!

This seems hugely unfair to me. I don't cook, so it seems obvious that I should clean up. Should the cook spend hours in the kitchen making a delicious meal and then go back to clean it all up while the non-cook contributes nothing to any of this?

I'm conflicted on this, DH enjoys cooking, pottering about, getting out all the bowls and utensils listening to sport on the radio , having a glass of wine etc while cooking a meal. He finds it relaxing, and is always keen to cook even if I say I will.

There is nowhere near the same enjoyment level, of wiping up spillages, putting ingredients away and washing greasy pans.

In an ideal world the person cooking would tidy ingredients away, wipe surfaces and spillages and wash up a few things as thry go along. Then fair enough the other person clears up the rest.

If I could start again one rule I would have is whoever cooks cleans up too.

That’s the way it works in our house.

DP enjoys cooking too but it's still a chore to an extent, in the sense that sometimes he'd rather veg out on the sofa but he has to get off his arse and feed us anyway. Even if you enjoy doing something, having to do it every day takes it out of the pure leisure realm.

I wouldn't say I actively enjoy washing up but I enjoy it more than trying to cook, and if I put my favourite tunes on it's not really an awful experience.

(Often, especially if DP is cooking several things at once, I'll join him and his glass of wine, and I'll do the cleaning as he goes along. Less to do afterwards and it's a nice way to spend a few hours together.)

I also don't begrudge DP using whatever utensils he needs! I've eaten well for over a decade and have barely had to lift a finger to make that happen so he can use all the pots in the kitchen for all I care.

He almost literally cooks every meal and if he’s not here I’m most likely to do freezer tapas 😂 he makes amazing cakes and desserts, people have asked him to make cakes for birthdays, a couple of weddings etc. He does all the washing and clearing up etc although I have a higher standard of cleaning so might top that up afterwards, which is hardly his fault!