Differences between Brits and Americans

[Opull]

Dh and I moved to the US for his work post brexit.
I knew there would be differences but I would say that I have come to learn that those differences are far more pronounced than I had anticipated. And in ways I had never imagined or predicted. We moved to Connecticut. Its only as I have come back to the UK has it really got me thinking.

Im curious if you have experience of both cultures. And what less obvious things did you pick up on.

One that stands out for me is that in general discussions and debates are often shut down very quickly. Even over low stake issues. I remember pointing out something very obvious once and the people around me just started playing dumb. In the UK I would have no problem talking about middle aged women and how our sex lives become more comfortable and less exciting. The Americans kept trying to make out that this wasn’t necessarily the case for everyone. I guess it stems from Americans being quite optimistic and Brits being more on the cynical side. I just found it meant conversations and connections could never really go beyond a superficial level. I missed group bonding by sharing the less perfect aspects of our lives.

Has anyone else had similar less obvious observations?

Yes it's not really doctors deciding what treatment you can get in the UK is it? It's the budgets. People die in this country from diseases and conditions that are routinely tested for or vaccinated in other countries, but the NHS doesn't do because not enough people die to make it worth the costs.

I was given a diagnostic test in the UK that I later found is banned in the US because of stroke risks. There's a much better and safer test they use in the US but of course it's not available in the UK.

I think that we don't like to talk about money etc in the U.K. because, historically, the "top group" of people in British society were landed gentry and the whole concept of earning money and spending it was entirely different.

Landed gentry historically don't have jobs and don't buy items; they have houses that they've inherited from their ancestors and it is furnished with furniture that was already there, or at worst, handed down from their relatives. It's vulgar to spend money on material things. Which is why you get the upper classes living in vast uncomfortable houses (castles 😃) with ancient plumbing and heating etc. in films and books. You don't modernise.

Plus want to be part of the landed gentry or upper class? Tough you have to be born into it. You can't even marry into it unless you are also upper class.

This is probably very much in the past and a lot of it is myth. But that attitude to money in Britain has infiltrated British society and still lingers.

Americans got rid of British rule and set up the country to their own liking. And social mobility is possible. Earning money is a good thing. Materialism is good and to be celebrated in The USA.

These are my thoughts. Don't know if others would concur?

The freedom TO point is spot on!

I find this fascinating because the Americans I’ve met and know well tend not to fit many of the stereotypes - but they have usually been well-educated, well-travelled, very politically aware Americans who have a good sense of how the world sees America, not just how America sees the world. So perhaps representative of some aspects of America but not of the country as a whole.

The majority of OB/Gyns are women (85% vs 15%).

For primary care generalists (family medicine), the proportion is about 42% women and 58% men).

However, you will always be asked if you'd prefer to have your pap smear done by a woman.

Dual national and have lived in both countries so I think quite well qualified to comment.

I would say the biggest difference is that British people whinge a lot about the UK and love being negative about the UK but Americans are very patriotic. They will criticise the government sure but not the country itself and especially not the constitution.

I find the idea that a lot of Americans will espouse that there is more difference between American states than European countries is absolutely absurd.

Of course there are big differences between states and a lot of Europeans underestimate this but it's just ridiculous to claim that states which speak the same language and have been part of the same country for so long are more different than say Bulgaria and France or Lithuania and Portugal makes them look silly

It's a mix of both in both places. A lot of NICE guidelines are based on cost efficiency rather than treatment efficacy/outcomes. Ask 75% of women in the UK with thyroid problems how they feel and you'll get chapter and verse on the terrible treatment they receive as per the guidelines.

@MissConductUS I've just had the flu and would have killed for some Tamiflu. People were offering to send me over some but I waited it out, for two full weeks. It was horrid. I did fly back last time with Paxlovid but haven't needed it.

I can't recommend this book enough. It really opened my eyes to why certain issues are of importance to the majority of the American population, when we in the UK think they are very black and white (e.g. 2nd amendment).

Also helped me to understand that a lot of the US population (again, generalising) vote solely on a couple of these issue.

@Opull

Remember that when doing the deed on TV and film they keep their underwear on!

The Tamiflu was amazing. I felt noticeably better in 24 hours and it saved me from at least a few days of being miserable in bed with it. Tamiflu has been around for long enough that it's available as a generic, so it should be as cheap as chips for the NHS to offer it. That's why I was surprised they don't.

There's a very different ethic around stuff like that here. I remember when we first moved, our then doctor (private) was shocked that we wanted our kids to get flu shots and chicken pox vaccines. I remember her saying, in a horrified voice that we don't generally give those things to healthy children here. Like I was some kind of freakishly overanxious parent. We switched doctors.

And I'm not trying to offend, really, but you think that we think about you a lot more than we do

I do have to agree with this. American politics and pop culture appear to get a lot more coverage in UK than the reverse. I'm always surprised at how mumsnetters will have strong opinions on relatively minor American politicians or even mundane domestic issues. There's very little coverage of the UK in American media beyond major political developments.

For my part, I think UK television crime dramas are far superior to the dumbed down nonsense churned out by Hollywood. Most mainstream American television is just plain bad and I have no idea why anyone on either side of the pond would bother watching it!

Birth is much more patriarchal and women seem much more expected to submit to men for regular vaginal exams all their life

More rubbish. The vast majority of gynaecologists and obstetricians in the US are female (85% compared to ~50% in the UK). Annual smear test are performed by a female nurse or physician's associate. The chances of you having a 'regular vaginal exam' by a male clinician are minimal, it's not 1970.

Alastair? Really? I remember watching Passions, a soap opera in the 2000s and that was one of the main characters/villain’s name, although it was spelled Alistair; Alistair Crane.

On the names front, the one I find funniest is But I'm a Cheerleader - which is a film about a gay conversion camp.

One of our lead characters is a lesbian called Graham. I watched it with British friends and we had to actually pause it to discuss the important question of why you would name your daughter Graham and then be surprised she was a lesbian. As the present American, I really had nothing.

I’m married to an American. I agree with your observations. I think it makes sense that their ancestors were predominantly the ones who thought they’d have a go at a new life and a great adventure and give it a try. My ancestors stayed at home, because we thought it was a bad idea.

CarolinaInTheMorning "Martha Stewart does always pronounce the "h" though, bless her heart." Ouch 😊

Im English and have lived here the past 24 years but I grew up in the States.
I find people look out for you more there. I was invited out to someone's house and they immediately followed up with 'do you have a car? Can we get someone to give you a lift'? When I moved here and was invited out I was expected to figure it out -sure no problem I am an adult, but it was nice that someone thought that I was in a new environment and might not know my way around. That's typical.
When I moved to a new area here people were friendly but seemed kinda shocked when I asked them to meet up for coffee. In fact the only person who asked me back was American. I sometimes felt I was forcing people to come out! They are good friends now but I was the one initiating everything for the first couple years.
I agree with general optimism. I remember getting my first car. Here it was 'oh do you really need one'? 'It's going to be very expensive.' And so on. Say the same thing in America and it's: 'Great! What model? When are you getting it? So exciting!'

Just to say, this is true in much of the Caribbean also. A common meal in Barbados, for example, would be roast pork, macaroni cheese (or pie, as they call it) and rice & peas. That seems odd to us here, but it definitely is not 'some weird American thing', if that were the intended implication.

I find they are more both extremes: obese or very fit and healthy. There seems to be fewer in the middle.

American here, living in the UK for the past 15 years. I don't love it here and hope to move back one day. Things I miss:
-culture of hard work and enthusiasm about your work (my kids are told it's cringey that they work hard and care about their interests and are called try-hards)
-friendly, open genuine people with positive attitudes
-being among people who don't think it's weird to get up early, exercise early, go to bed early, and not drink
-people being generous, always wanting to give time, share food, give gifts
-higher quality of life, better houses, better shopping
-better weather in the summer
Things I don't miss:
gun culture
religiosity
tipping

I once went to California with DH. Horrible, horrible people. Loud, brash, superficial, put on a false air of happy friendly but not because they genuinely care but because it makes them look like good people. And also ignorant beyond belief.

Yes, and certainly in the American South it's a very traditional side with ham or barbecue. I'm not sure that it's significantly odder than cauliflower cheese? Pretty much in a similar vein, flavour wise.

Im sure nice americans exist but the accent pisses me off bare im sorry

Canada irritates me even more because they try to act all like theyre not Ameircan but they literally are the same people

Goodness. It's so hard to understand why people might not welcome you with open arms, with your nuanced and positive attitude.

I work with only Americans (from the south, I feel this isn’t as much of a northern state thing), and I find they’re much bigger sports fans. I know we have die hard football fans, but going to high school games when they’re at school, college basketball/football games at uni, I feel gives them a huge love for it. I know all about the various college football teams they support from just how much it’s spoken about.