To think DP is being selfish

[kiana2015]

We've just moved home, I would like to get a couple of bits for the house, new rug, curtains etc, the bits I've picked doesn't amount to more than £200. I was about to buy and my DP insisted I wait until payday which is 2 weeks away, baring in mind he had just spend 400 on a new gaming set up and spends about 200 every 2 weeks on pints after work.
Aibu to think he's being selfish

My partner is exactly the same, an alcoholic too. I pay everything in the house including for our daughter. He pays for his other children and spends on the things he wants (bought himself a brand new ps5 in December while i was left shuffling bills to pay for the last xmas bits). I also used to 'bail' him out every month. Until I couldn't do it anymore. If he wants something and hasn't got any money then it's tough. It has caused many arguments but we aren't their mothers.

Money isn't important in a relationship but being equal to one another is.

Because his drinking comes before everything including you spending his money. He doesn’t support you at all or give you anything

because you deserve better than him

Really??

Because he isn't treating you right - he is financially abusing you for starters , he is controlling you for seconds ...

OP if this is all real then your posts make me very sad.

Would he bail you out if the money situations were reversed? I doubt it.

His priority should be paying towards his child's life- do you really think him spending 200 quid a month on booze when he doesn't pay to feed his child is acceptable?

There a million reasons to leave a relationship besides cheating. Raise your bar.

No, we are engaged. I didn't end up buying them last night as I was too annoyed this morning he said I should buy them and offered to pay half

@Nanny0gg I wouldn't be able to afford the rent, bills and everything. Else without him

You go halves on rent and bills already so extend this to food and bits for your DC. Decide what you need, explain where the money will be spent (food, nappies, haircuts and clothes for DC etc) and ask him to transfer it on payday.

It is totally unacceptable that he prioritises spending on alcohol and gaming over feeding his youngest and creating a beautiful home for his family. He can easily afford to take care of both children if he changes his priorities.

This, 100%.

Reading the OPs posts on this thread have made me very sad for her.

@ForZanyAquaViewer why would this be a fake post and why wouldn't I put up with all these things if it means keeping my family together

Please don't marry - he will only get worse

You will find a way to live and survive without his cash - let's face it you can't buy what you want anyway now

He's majorly taking the piss. He can have money for beer and gaming but you can't have nice things for your home. It's not controlling to expect him to manage his fun money and not come to you to bail him out.
You deserve so much more than you're getting and he's not a good dad if he's straight in the pub every night after work.

It's not a family in any sense of the word that I regcognise

It's an abusive set up

This is so sad OP! You deserve a nice life.

And your child deserves better than growing up thinking this is an acceptable way to be treated in a relationship.

If she came to you when older and told her a partner was treating her like this, would you tell her to stay?

Because it makes you a doormat for an inadequate little man.

Raise your bar.

Cheating is not the only reason to end a relationship. If you have more income/money/assets than him, don't marry him. If he has more or similar, marry him on the cheap, then divorce him.

If you divorce/split up, at least he'll be forced to contribute something towards your child.

People have told you why. Read the thread.

I hope it’s fake because the things you’re saying make no sense. In order to genuinely believe them, you’d have to be completely devoid of self respect, common sense and a basic capacity for rational thought. I really don’t want to believe such a woman exists.

To be completely honest it's mainly my fault, if I asked him to help with money he would

How, if he spends so much of his own you're constantly bailing him out?

He has shown he puts himself above his family every month when he drinks his money rather than feeding his child. You're kidding yourself if you think he would help you if in need.

The bar just gets lower and lower.

As one of the first posters put it:
What’s his is his and what’s yours is also his.

For all your trying to paint him as a decent man @kiana2015 you seem to be very in denial about a man who is supposed to be your partner in life dictating that you can’t spend your own money that you have budgeted to save, in case he needs it for himself.

You don’t have to be knocked about to be abused, and this is verging on financially abusive.

You said there is more to life than money - respect and kindness being two of the most important. You don’t seem to get much of either from this man who puts himself and his needs ahead of yours and your child’s home.

He should be paying equally to ALL household expenses as well as to his first child. If that means he can’t go on the piss every night, or buy new gaming consoles Willy nilly, that is a him problem not a you problem.

@sweetpickle2 well this is why I don't ask him, I haven't asked him to pay for anything for our DD in months because I know at the end of the month I'll just be giving it back to him so makes more sense for me to just buy it

OP - it’s bizarre to me how he doesn’t prioritise family life. He decided to have these children therefore that has to take priority over gaming and drinking

Don’t think this the wrong way but actually it doesn’t make sense. You are enabling his bad behaviour IMO

Read this back over and over.

Why bother being with this man? Break up with him and get him to pay maintenance like he ex did, at least you'd be guaranteed money off him.

Because it's a fucking horrible example to set for your children.