To think this was really spiteful

[Stopbeingsomean]

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

Look at you condoning spiteful behaviour towards children....if the teachers that leave are anything like this one, they're better off away from kids anyway!

@luckylavender

I am really hoping you don’t work in education if you think it’s ok to treat children like crap because your day isn’t going well.

If you went for a meal and your food was thrown on the plate, would you be ok with it if you were told ‘Sorry! The chef’s having a bad day’

Say you’re waiting at the doctor’s surgery and you’ve been sitting there 45 mins. You go to the receptionist and ask if it’s going to be much longer. She says ‘Well actually you were going to be next, but seeing as you have asked, I am now going to make you wait longer’

seriously????

It was a small group and the other TA clearly gives out stickers for good (effort I hope) work. Katie wasn’t randomly asking for a sticker. It’s great that Katie was able to do work worthy of a sticker and identity that she had done it. If seven year old Katie is having trouble ordering numbers like 11 and 9 then she clearly deserves and should get the praise and sticker rewards that are usual for her interventions.

Identify not identity

Yeah I am not arguing that she deserved the sticker, I would have given her one. I would also have said in a light hearted way to remember it's not polite to ask for things.

@Stopbeingsomean - moaning about a co worker, watching her and reporting back on an anonymous forum is not in the child / school's best interest. You should be ashamed.

When mine were in a lovely primary school a temp head teacher was assigned. She was incredibly mean and the school changed overnight. She banned the Christmas nativity for the older children. Wouldn’t allow any snacks (even fruit) after swimming and made them all sit in silence at lunchtime. My DD was shouted at at told she had 3 of her merit points removed for talking at the lunch table and was devastated. This woman had come out of retirement but was awful. How she’d ever worked with children was beyond me. Our now grown DC still remember her stint. She was the sister of a famous comedian too.

So you want me to be ashamed about the behaviour that actually you have condoned as being acceptable? Really weird tbh.

If you bothered to RTFT. you would see that I have already reported and nothing was done.

Horrible. The TA sounds a bit power-crazed. I’d think she’s in the wrong job - maybe a traffic warden would suit her better.

YANBU

@Stopbeingsomean you sound like a wonderful, observant, empathetic educator and I really hope you stay in the profession and become a leader.

Children thrive when they’re praised, feel cared about and emotionally safe.

The TA is being unnecessarily harsh and overbearing if the child is usually well behaved and tries hard. She sounds like she thinks working with kids is about asserting power over them.

If she’s newly qualified, I’d first speak directly to this TA about your observations. Do so kindly and humbly, e.g. ‘I hope you don’t mind if I pass on some experience, but I notice you’re quite stern with the children and I see it affecting their confidence. Were you taught that in your training?’. She should be keen to improve, if new.

If she reacts badly or carries on, I’d put your concerns in writing to her line manager. If you notice people aren’t using best practice when working with children, it should be recorded. Her unnecessarily harsh behaviour could really devastate a child. I’d cite your requirements from your JDs, performance objectives etc.

The hole in shoes comment, in particular, should have been engaged with. That could have been the child trying to tell her things are difficult at home, i.e. her family can’t afford shoes or her parents are neglectful.

Teachers using their feet to move children is unacceptable. The yardstick of how you treat a child is ‘would I do this to an adult’ and if anyone used their feet to move me along, I’d be horrified. If you got that defensive reaction when you flagged it, rather than thanked and encouraged for mentioning it, sounds like you may need to move school.

You need to report her to class teacher or member of SLT, totally inappropriate and damaging for the child. Safeguarding issue. I am a teacher and would do the same if this was one of my members of staff,

You are popping up on a lot of threads being rude and contradictory. Just a friendly FYI in case you start getting emails from HQ to mind your tone.

As for the situation, it was mean. I agree with others who say the child should be reminded that it’s not ok to ask. I will be the person who says there are many more SEN kids in mainstream there’s days (they are usually the ones who need TA’s as one to one so not irrelevant), and social cues, jumping to asking for something, not being able to wait for an immediate reward for good behaviour is very typical. Denying a reward for concentration/completing work/getting everything right and being so arsy about it can have longterm negative effects on behaviour, all over asking for a sticker. My son used to come home covered head to toe in them, he had a fantastic year due to the TA understanding how stickers were a huge motivation for him. Everyone benefited because behaviour wasnt impacted. But then, he goes to a great school that understands individual needs.

Op, some people on here don’t treat kids right. I’ve seen it across a few threads sadly, urging punishments, hurling abuse, calling little kids names. So it’s no surprise you’ve some attacking you and pleased to see this little girl getting treated badly.

remember that’s about them and not you. Please keep supporting these children.

THIS !

Ex teacher here - kids would ask for housepints just for doing something asked of them (nothing extraordinary)

Extrinsic /intrinsic motivation is a tricky one !

That's incredibly mean. What a knock for the poor girl. Some only work with children because they like the power/being in charge.

My DD recently had parents evening. Her maths teacher told me she gets sheet stickers because DDs class will work for stickers harder the the schools reward point system. DD was thrilled with a pizza sticker she got. She's in year 11 and in the run up to sitting GCSEs.

@Stopbeingsomean you sound like a wonderful TA who has exactly the right empathetic and nurturing skills to do the job properly.

The purpose of the intervention with a TA will have been to give the 3 children more attention from an adult so that they can independently and confidently do a particular task (in this case subtraction). It shouldn’t get derailed by a perfectly innocent question about stickers. Leave petty quibbles about “not asking” for another time or ask the teacher to mention it if you’re really that bothered!

Safeguarding trumps everything, as OP has correctly pointed out from another occasion.

I’m not sure that asking whether she’d get a sticker is rude. In the workplace, you are told that you’re responsible for your own career and if you’re taught it’s rude to ask whether the work you’ve done is sufficient for a reward, then this will make these conversations feel awkward and unnatural.

No it’s not rude, but some people want to teach little girls they shouldn’t ask for what they want, need, or have earned.

if anything she should have got a sticker for asking.

Wow! What a poor excuse for such vile behaviour! Its a frequent thing with SEN kids these days usually blamed on funding, I don't dispute there are funding issues but every child deserves a chance right!. I don't know weather you've seen it but there is actually a petition set up on behalf of a SEN parent to get cctv put in SEN schools. This was as a result of her non verbal son being in the play area outside with a TA and being captured on the cctv for 20 minutes kneeing the poor lad in the back and everytime he went to stand he threw him back down to the floor! It was Purley down to this cctv that he was found out and prosecuted. My point being is that I can imagine it starts off with a few nasty words here and there and then that eventually progresses to physical assaults. I would honestlytake your concerns higher /outside the school if no one within the school is willing to safeguard the children within the school. You sound like a lovely caring TA x

This is child abuse. You need to escalate this. Send an email to the head about it so that there is a paper trail. List everything that she has done and explain that you are not prepared to sit back and allow this to continue. Then follow it up and keep following it up with emails. People don't like things that leave a trail - it's harder for them to ignore because if she fails to do anything, you could escalate this and you now have evidence that nothing was done. Keep a log of everything and keep informing the head. It's not going to be easy for you, but it never is for whistle blowers.

The TA has an inflated opinion of herself and needs talking to. Disgusting thing to say, somebody should have jumped in and said " you can have one from me though, well done"

This actually happened to me in year 2, and I remember it even now.

Everyone had behaved really well in P.E, and we had a little magnetic board in the classroom with yellow tokens for each child in a row. On the way back Mrs Faulkner said everyone gets a token.

I wasn't badly behaved but I was poor and scruffy, so I got picked on and ignored by the teacher a lot, I didn't get many tokens. So I asked her in surprise, "Miss do I get a token as well?" And she replied, "Yes I just said everyone didn't I? No actually you don't get one now for asking silly questions"

I was so mortified and upset that I've never forgotten it. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, I never wanted to ask a question ever again. Mrs Faulkner, you were a cow.

Yanbu OP nobody knows how little it takes to knock a child's confidence.

Poor Katie. Some people shouldn't be in education she sounds horrible.
I'm with you on some teachers not being knowledgeable. My ds is dyslexic but one of the teachers made a point of writing narky comments on his work. I ignored it mainly because he didn't understand how mean she was until she wrote on his work "you're a human been Fred you can do this". Well that was the day I corrected her and went in to say I wasn't happy with the way she corrected him when she couldn't do it herself. I was polite and she apologised and didn't do it again. I am just glad he hadn't realised what a cow she was.

This just makes me sad! That TA had Katie exactly where she wanted her; excited and proud. That sort of thing is a good motivator to learn the next thing. And she threw it away. If a child is engaging don't kill the engagement!

The TA is a nasty, sad, bitchy, piece of work. The child was, perhaps for the first time in ages, being happy with herself - and the adult crushed her. I gave out stickers galore - for trying, for being neat, for smiling... so by the end of the day, everyone got one, and yet, everyone was pleased because the reasons were different, and not 'we all got a sticker anyway'; there was a reason for being given the sticker.