Stay at home husband - are my expectations too high ?

[greyA]

Long story short, OH and I have a beautiful daughter age 6 and had a beautiful baby boy 11 months ago- shortly after he was born my husband was taken unexpectedly ill, he caught sepsis and ended up spending time in ICU and his recovery has been slow due to ongoing fatigue. He’s now in the process of being medically retired from work and will likely get a (£25k ish ) payout. I had to return to work when my son was 6 weeks old and have been working ever since. I’m fortunate that I earn a good wage and I can support us all on it but AIBU to expect my husband to do the bulk of the chores / childcare if he isn’t going back to work ? Currently I’m WFH but also juggling our children, cooking, cleaning etc - spent yesterday cleaning the bathroom, mopping floors and meal prepping. I’m really unwell with a cold right now, I’ve worked all day flat out, cooked dinner for everyone and bathed both kids and my husband just got annoyed at me when I said I was going to go for a bath and leave him to clear up. What’s reasonable to expect from him if he’s at home all day? When I was a SAHM to our daughter I did everything.

There's a bit more to being resident parent than being an adult presence in a house with young kids in it. They need to be fed, they need to be bathed,their clothes need washing, their bedlinen and towels need laundering, the environment in which they live needs to be kept clean and in a sanitary condition, they need to be taken to and from school, they need to be taken to activities and playdates, homework supervision etc It doesn't sound like he can/will do any of that (and has history for shirking it anyway).

There are loads of red flags here. Your h has always shirked housework, so why does he think he'd be suited to being a SAHP??

He sounds lazy and entitled. Can you afford for him to retire now? You have a baby!

The current situation is not tenable. You are doing everything and he's a dead weight.

And money - he has £500 per month - what do you have?

It all sounds desperately unfair on you. And he sounds horrible.

I'd think about ending things. It doesn't sound as if he cares about you at all.