AIBU about "friends" gossiping about DD?

[Gossipygossip]

I'm annoyed, but not sure if I should be, although I have certainly learnt a lesson here.

Went out for dinner with four school mums, that I have known since reception and our children are now in the last years of secondary school so for some time. We have always been open and honest about parenting, ND diagnoses, challenging behaviour, marriage up and downs. So my DD has started a relationship and although she is was 15 when it began, it was sexual. They are still together over a year later, and we are happy that's it's a supportive and loving relationship and of no concern. It was young to start having intimacy, but it was her choice and is doing everything the right way with protection etc.

Also we talked about our children going to parties etc, and drinking. Felt like an open sharing conversation over a curry and a drink or two.

Except I then find out one of my friend's husbands has been gossiping to another husband (of a mutual friend who didn't attend the dinner), about how my DD is engaging in underage sex, and what awful parents we are.

AIBU to feel like something said, if not in confidence, but at least in friendly trusting environment, is been used in this way? Would you say anything to your friend that passed this on?

What a vile thing to say. In what way is it ok for female parents to discuss a 15 year olds sex life but male parents would only be doing things to wank over? Has it occurred to you that these men have children a similar age and this might have made them think what they'd do if it was their child, what their reaction would be.

I get the feeling it wasn't dd sex life the are gossiping about but op's parenting. Most likely this friendship will not recovery.

Are you bragging, I wouldn't be happy my 15 was in an adult relationship considering she isn't an adult.

i think i would definitely be sending a message to the friends to say i wasn't amused to hear that the private issues i shared with them in confidence was being gossiped about by people who weren't part of the conversation.

OP gets accused of "oversharing" and "gossipping about her daughters sexuality" in many of the comments. I don't think that's the case. Most likely she hasn't revealed detailed information but has only been mentioning that her 15-year-olf daughter is already in a serious "adult relationship" with her boyfriend. And she has shared this Information in a circle of friends/other moms that she has known for years since their children had started school.
I do have a similar circle of mom friends (4 of us). We've known each other since pregancy and have "grown up" as moms together over the years. Whenever we meet we talk about very private issues like breastfeeding, which kind of contraception to use after family planning is over, kids' school problems, health issues and more recently the children's boyfriends and girlfriends (e.g. whether we like them or not). Over the years these moms have become close friends and I very much appreciate their options. It's very helpful and almost therapeutic to be able to talk to people whose children are the same age, going through the same phases and experiencing similar things. It does need a village to raise a child! We also share some of the stories with our husbands.
It would deeply concern me, however, if one of the dads would phone another dad in order to discuss my child's issues with each other! It's not even their own children they are talking about and trying to find help with from each other! Why would they need to talk about a strange child other than gossipping? That is not what this mom's group/parents' group is there for!

If I am told something in confidence I absolutely do not tell anyone else !
A friend told me something they didn’t wish to make public for some time as they weren’t sure the others involved would feel comfortable sharing yet .
They trusted me , I didn’t break that trust so they have absolute faith in me and consider me to be a true friend.
I have been part of friendship groups where the others are fun to be around and generally supportive but I wouldn’t trust them to not gossip so I keep certain information to myself.
i think that is where you went wrong

I think if you discuss something in a friendship group & don't ask that it remains confidential then, rightly or wrongly, it's open for discussion by the others. You obviously have a close relationship with your Daughter for her to confide in you. Maybe next time don't talk about her private life with your friends. I'd mention to your friend that you're disappointed in her for telling her husband about your conversation with the group & even more disappointed that her husband thought it was ok to discuss it with another husband. Maybe next time you tell the group something you don't want shared, let them know it's to go no further than those there at the time.